Don't know if I want to be friends

Basically it's one of those situations where a guy wants to be just friends with me, but I have feelings for him. So being friends feels like this huge act, and effort, and lie for me. Also I just can't be happy for him or not hurt if I see him with another girl in social situations. This has happened already and suffice it to say it's an experience I don't want to repeat :frown:

But on the other hand it seems a shame to lose a friend, plus he's friends with a whole bunch of people I know, and he seems to be making the effort to be friends with me.

Bit of background.. basically he used to be really keen on me too. But now a lot has happened, I messed him around, he kinda got involved with a new girl, he won't give me a straight answer about what he feels.

I guess this hiding your feelings under friendship thing is quite common, and I wonder if it's ever a good idea, or it's better just to cut someone out completely?

I find that any contact with him kind of confuses me and 'derails' me I guess for the rest of the day, as in I can't seem to get on with the things I should be getting on with, and it's a bit depressing actually. And I'm at a point in life where I really need to be getting on with work..

So I don't contact him proactively, and I've blocked him on msn. Should I just delete him from msn & his number and try not to hang out with that crowd?

Reply 1

pride99

Try and tell him your problem..see what he says, he might like you! you never know till u try!:P and teh deleting thing...WORKS..just thought id say

P.S - Im only 16 dont take my advice too seriusly :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

omg this is freaky cos I'm in a really similar situation to you. I also felt quite lost and confused because even though he sees me as a friend, I still wanted us to be more than friends. I still like him but I'm trying to get over it now and I know it'll take time. We do hang around quite alot and i don't want to change that because we do have a good friendship. He used to like me but I didn't at the time and I wasn't going to fool myself. Now I like him and he doesn't but c'est la vie. If it is really bad for you perhaps you should talk to him so he knows what the exact situation is and it may make you feel better letting it all out. Other than that, don't try to force yourself on him. You don't want to be in a relationship where it's a one way thing if you know what I mean. I'm sure there is somebody else out there who will have genuine feelings for you.

If you have a good friendship, don't ruin it because of this. But if it really does hurt you to go on like this then maybe you two do need a bit of space for some time.

Good luck x

Reply 3

L0RA

Just be friends and hope that something will happen in the future. If its meant to be...

I wouldnt cut someone out of my life just because i wanted to be more than friends and he didnt. From your post it sounds like hes been pretty striaght with you all along which is cool. Hopefully you guys can be friends.

Reply 4

theCapitalist

thanks for the replies,

I'm too proud to talk to him about this friends issue, don't want him to know I care this much :tongue:

I've cut out someone completely before, and at the time it really helped me get over him. Was the only way really. But then later when I was over him kinda regretted it and missed his friendship. Just right now it's painful, and more than that a kind of lie - I'm not that good an actor :frown:

So, what's everyone's experiences? Anyone regret cutting someone out? Or regret keeping someone you should have left behind?