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First step towards beating eating disorder? TW watch

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    TRIGGER WARNING description of disordered behaviour. sorry if this is too triggering feel free to delete

    I'm not self-diagnosing and I appreciate why medically-diagnosed sufferers hate on people who do. However I cannot think of another name for it. Basically I have had a horrible relationship with eating/food since the start of GCSEs, partly from facing rejection by a boy I really liked - pathetic, right. (I am now on a gap year so yeah it's been a while).

    Explanation/history (you can prob skip this): I started restricting my eating a lot to lose weight, and then I developed this weird logic that I wouldn't do well in exams if I didn't control my weight and only eat certain things etc. I never lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, because at one point I started fainting (most probably unrelated) and I think my mum sort of quietly realised I had been dieting and kept me at home and made me eat stuff I'd been avoiding (sugary, fatty stuff). We never openly talked about it, and she still doesn't seem to realise how severely insecure I am about my appearance, and continues to tell me I need to lose weight or whatever. I continued restricting but it didn't really work anymore especially because I was basically forced to eat dinner and breakfast again. I guess it eventually worked because I now eat all three meals, mostly, and keep healthy through exercise and healthy food and I don't feel the need to miss out on food-related outings with my friends BUT the thoughts and nagging feelings remain.

    I still think about calories everyday and I probably look at my body 100x a day as well as measure it etc. My weight continues to fluctuate and I often go back to old behaviours and count calories or try weird diets. I recently went on the pill and gained a lot of weight despite not changing my diet, which has made me feel really low. I'm especially concerned about the link between my emotions and subsequent food thoughts - e.g. every time I argue with my mother I can't eat afterwards, no matter how hungry I am.

    So my main question is how do I go forward from here? I'm starting uni in September and I'm scared I'll get all controlling again. Also how would I begin to tell my parents? They are foreign and old-fashioned and don't really understand mental health - e.g. when I tell them I'm sad about nothing in particular they tell me to 'stop being sad'. I know I'm not physically ill so is it even worth going to a ****ty 2-minute appointment with my also old-fashioned GP? Is there someone else I can see instead?

    It is probably best to see your GP and they can refer you to the appropriate service. If you don't like your current GP you can ask to see another one, but all GPs these days should be well informed, and up to scratch with this. Just tell them what you have said here and what you want. You may have to be on a waiting list for counselling.

    Are you leaving home to another city for Uni? Your Uni will probably have it's own counselling services, you should be able to check on their website. Just google for example "University of Liverpool Counselling Service".

    Will you be registering with a GP at your university? They will probably have a lot of experience dealing with this sort of thing.

    It doesn't matter that you are not physically ill. Your mental health is just as important, and these eating behaviours may lead to physical effects.

    These pages of the nhs website have some advice, and useful links.




    You can also talk in confidence to an adviser from eating disorders charity Beat by calling their helpline on 0845 634 1414 or emailing [email protected]

    . They also have a designated youth helpline on 0845 634 7650 or email [email protected]

    The Beat Youthline is open to anyone under 25. If you are aged under 25, we can call you back. To request this, text 'call back' to 07786 201820. We aim to get back to you within 24 hours and during Youthline open hours. When we call you back our number will display as ‘unknown’.

    Opening times for Adult Helpline and Youthline

    • Monday: 12 noon to 8.30pm
    • Tuesday: 12 noon to 5pm
    • Wednesday: 12 noon to 8.30pm
    • Thursday: 12 noon to 5pm
    • Friday: 12 noon to 5pm


    They also have message boards, online support groups, and information on finding treatment and local support groups.

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