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Time to say goodbye? (Friendship) Watch

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    So I met my friend in halls in university and although at first, we never actually realised how close our friendship was until he started seeing this girl, our friendship grew stronger, and I felt like I had found my best friend, we used to love being in each others company it would seem, and I really felt happy being beside him, I would often help him out with his university work, and I would do anything for him.

    Next thing you know, we're moving in together, just the two of us, and I was living my dreams, sharing a flat with my best friend, it felt like something out of an american sitcom and I loved it. However, he and this girl broke up, things turned a bit sour and I thought there were times he hated me. But this was apparently still not the case, so I continued trying to pursue this friendship, I met his family and they treated me like part of the family. And I continued to help him whenever he struggled with university work.
    I came to realise that I would never compare though, because to him, his friends from back home are important to him, far more important than I could ever be, and although 2 of his best friends came to uni with him and quickly became 2 of my best friends, it just feels like he is trying to constantly remind me that its the three of them, and then me. I know how they both feel about me and they've told me that they usually only come to our flat to see me, because they know how much of a good friend i am and that they really appreciate me.

    Every now and again, my flatmate makes comments to me, they can be quite harsh and if I don't take nicely to it, he says that I can't take banter, but to me, its not banter, its just hurtful, and I take a lot of banter from others, but the comments he makes can be quite hurtful. However, recently our dissertations were due in, he left all his research to last minute and didn't understand how to form a basic structure to it, so I stayed up many nights helping him form a dissertation, and during those two weeks it felt like it did in first year, the good times we shared, but then we handed our dissertations in and it felt like as soon as we did, he resorted back to his 'you can't take banter' self, and he just turned nasty to me again.

    I've noticed on many occasions when its just me and him, he can be fine with me, but when ever others are around he tries to put me down sort of thing, like the other night when we went out for diss hand in, he barely spoke to me and when he did it was making nasty comments to me. My other friend noticed this and said how badly he treats me. and in my mind, I've always thought that after university is over, he'd stop bothering with what feels like a forced friendship (its not like we live far away, we only actually live 10 mins from each other). And where as I normally would feel sad about how the end is near for us moving out, I just feel like maybe its for the best.

    I still care very much for him, he was my best friend and flatmate, we've lived with each other, how can he not be important to me, but it just feels like perhaps its best if I stop trying to force this friendship because he clearly doesn't appreciate me and the things I do. But at the same time, I don't want that to happen, I always imagined we'd be best friends for life, like he'd be the best man at my wedding and godfather to my children sort of thing, but I just know that I'm so unimportant to him.
    What do I even do!
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    I think you need to go with your gut feeling!

    I have a friend who in fact..let me start again he's basically a brother to me. We get on so, so well. I can't explain to you or anyone how much laughs we have and we've got each others' backs. But there's certain things about him that make me want to punch him sometimes.

    We'd be closer if it wasn't for these things which is similar to the problem you're having with your mate.

    Depending on how you feel you can either:

    -Distance yourself from him when you know he's going to be in one of his little moods.
    -Don't spend as much time with him, do other things - sometimes people are amazing but small doses are amazing so you don't have a chance to be annoyed by his presence or the things he might say/do.
    -Be careful with anyone who puts you down in front of others - he's doing it to try and impress people and make himself look good - major red flag. Even if the friendship is great, that alone is too much to handle after a while. Some things are just inexcusable.
    - Talk to him, let him know that it's hurtful. If he doesn't understand then you need to say goodbye.

    It's tough when you're that close to someone , I know exactly how you feel.

    There's so many people I've cut off...it's a real shame. The friendships were great but it was really one sided...like me helping them (they didn't have much to offer me) I don't even mean that in a rude way or an 'I'm better than them' kind of way..because you don't give to receive but equally it's nice to be on the same level as people you know?
    After a while it becomes a bit tiring being there for someone and it doesn't feel quite right because they don't seem to value you or anything.

    Sorry if this makes no sense..I haven't slept in ages XD Hope it helped!

    If you need me, quote me please

    Good Luck OP!
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    (Original post by MaseratiJay)
    I think you need to go with your gut feeling!

    I have a friend who in fact..let me start again he's basically a brother to me. We get on so, so well. I can't explain to you or anyone how much laughs we have and we've got each others' backs. But there's certain things about him that make me want to punch him sometimes.

    We'd be closer if it wasn't for these things which is similar to the problem you're having with your mate.

    Depending on how you feel you can either:

    -Distance yourself from him when you know he's going to be in one of his little moods.
    -Don't spend as much time with him, do other things - sometimes people are amazing but small doses are amazing so you don't have a chance to be annoyed by his presence or the things he might say/do.
    -Be careful with anyone who puts you down in front of others - he's doing it to try and impress people and make himself look good - major red flag. Even if the friendship is great, that alone is too much to handle after a while. Some things are just inexcusable.
    - Talk to him, let him know that it's hurtful. If he doesn't understand then you need to say goodbye.

    It's tough when you're that close to someone , I know exactly how you feel.

    There's so many people I've cut off...it's a real shame. The friendships were great but it was really one sided...like me helping them (they didn't have much to offer me) I don't even mean that in a rude way or an 'I'm better than them' kind of way..because you don't give to receive but equally it's nice to be on the same level as people you know?
    After a while it becomes a bit tiring being there for someone and it doesn't feel quite right because they don't seem to value you or anything.

    Sorry if this makes no sense..I haven't slept in ages XD Hope it helped!

    If you need me, quote me please

    Good Luck OP!
    This is exactly how I'm feeling, I consider him family in a way, like a brother, but its really one sided, and I completely agree, you do all these things for someone, sometimes it would be nice to have something in return for once. Like, he hasn't even thanked me for helping with his dissertation, and every time he doesn't thank me, and I tell him he brings up the one time we went on a trip with a group of friends, and on that trip he really angered me because the whole time he was trying to impress these 2 other people who came with us by doing things he said he would never do and then ended up spending all his money on gambling and getting into a strip club, then asked me to use the remainder of my money for the next two weeks to get us back home for petrol and the toll bridge, so even though it was a very long ride home, I was angered by him because he had left me without money, so I don't think that really compares and its the only time I've never said thank you to him.

    Its so annoying because at the same time he's brought out the good in me and without him I wouldn't have the confidence I have now
 
 
 
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Updated: May 11, 2015
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