The Student Room Group

Realtionship problem

I have been going out with a girl for quite a few week now. I know she likes me, loves even, but she is so shy, its unbelieveable sometimes, and I think her sex drive has to be low. We have made out and stuff, but she is really shy about doing anything even if there are people in the next room. There are always people at her place, so Id expect stuff to happen wen she comes over to mine, but there are no guarentees. Also, I think she might be hurt before, as she is reqally shy with guys. She dosnt take any inititive. I really donno wot to do. Im not looking for sex staright away but this is feeling like its not leading any where.
Reply 1
Is she uncomfortable with the situation? She maybe has reasons of her own for not rushing into things, so I guess I would say try to take it at her pace. People sometimes wait a long time to have sex, so really you have to ask yourself what you want from a relationship. And whether what you feel for her is enough etc.
Other than having been hurt before, I think she's just really self-conscious. After all, second base is a big leap from first. I think you need to be as understanding as possible and have a chat about it. It sounds like she may be avoiding certain situations where more serious things can happen so she must have reservations. In her mind there may be certain boundaries, ask her or you'll never know! You have nothing to lose, after all, you're not happy with how it's going at the moment.
Reply 3
Ok, this is stupid but what exactly is second base?
I wish someone would create a definitive rule for all the bases!

I always learnt
first base - kiss with tongues
second base - feeling up, petting(hehe that word makes me giggle) etc
third base - oral
"home run" - sex


AS far as this is concerned you say you are worried it isn't going anywhere, do you see this somewhere as sex, as in the aim of a relationship is to reach that . If you do its your opinion but you need to see what she wants first, make sure you feel the same way about these things, or you are willing to accept the way she thinks , or there is no point in the relationship as you will always be thinking, "when am i gonna get there". Maybe I have got you all wrong, it just sounded a bit that way to me.
Reply 5
No its not the goal of the relationship, but this (not just sex but intimacy as well) is an important part of the relationship is it not?

Also still not so clear on 2nd base... are u supposed to see them naked?
Bedshaped
I think its when they touch your privates and you touch theirs.


Yeah that's what I was getting at. Managed to solve the problem yet?
Reply 7
I think the bases go like this:
First Base - Kissing with tongues
Second Base - Feeling
Third Base - Oral sex
Fourth Base - Sex
Reply 8
Anonymous
I have been going out with a girl for quite a few week now. I know she likes me, loves even, but she is so shy, its unbelieveable sometimes, and I think her sex drive has to be low. We have made out and stuff, but she is really shy about doing anything even if there are people in the next room. There are always people at her place, so Id expect stuff to happen wen she comes over to mine, but there are no guarentees. Also, I think she might be hurt before, as she is reqally shy with guys. She dosnt take any inititive. I really donno wot to do. Im not looking for sex staright away but this is feeling like its not leading any where.


Give her time to be comfortable around you. Don't look at sex as a sign of development in your relationship and don't think just cus you may not be having sex means the relationship is doomed. That's simply not true. Loads of marriages have worked without sex before they got married. Just go with the flow, let your relationship develop first. I mean, it's only been a few weeks. That's not a long time by any means and by the sounds of things, you're in for a serious relationship. So wait a bit, get to know her, let her feel secure and confident around you - then see where that leads you.

In a line, basically: Stop being so impatient.

:smile:
Reply 9
dame i missed 3rd base i jumped from 2nd to 4th and stayed that way:frown:

maybe she aint ready to have sex with you
i pretty much went straight to 3rd lmao
Reply 11
in my world, 1st and 2nd come together as one lol..