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Is it my fault she cheated? Watch

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    Just in case you hadn't realised. Cheats get no sympathy in this forum

    And no its not your fault, its the one thing that EVERYONE knows is wrong. and she knew it was wrong when she did it. her fault entirely, not even a little bit yours. by the sound of it you could have been (and maybe are) perfect for her and she still would have done it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my girlfriend cheated on me. I'm wondering whether it was my fault.

    We were together for 6 months and seemed to be incredibly close. She would use words like soulmate and perfect guy, would talk about our future, our children etc. We spent most of our time together and went away to Barcelona on the best holiday of our lives.

    We decided to make things work once we were at uni but after 2 weeks, she kissed another bloke, accepted his invitation to go home with him and, although she says nothing happened, spent the night "cuddling".

    When I visited she spent the entire time ignoring me to text him and her new friends, perhaps because she felt awkward, perhaps because she wasn't thinking about the effect she was having on me/thinking about how I was feeling.

    I want to know whether it was my fault she acted like this - over the last few weeks of our relationship, she seemed to be taking advantage more and more in terms of asking me to pay for things and would snap/make snide remarks. She still said intense words of praise but they were fewer.

    Then, once we were at uni, I spoke to her on the phone, saying "I'm having second thoughts about my course and my depression is returning" (the second degree I would have dropped out of). Now I find myself wondering whether I had lost her respect, meaning that she turned to another guy. Or is the ease with which she did it indicative of a relationship which would not work?
    This bit here made my mind up. If she is still in contact with a guy she kissed and may or may not have slept with, then clearly there is something going on and she is not worth your time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We were together for 6 months and seemed to be incredibly close. She would use words like soulmate and perfect guy, would talk about our future, our children etc. We spent most of our time together and went away to Barcelona on the best holiday of our lives.

    We decided to make things work once we were at uni but after 2 weeks, she kissed another bloke, accepted his invitation to go home with him and, although she says nothing happened, spent the night "cuddling".

    When I visited she spent the entire time ignoring me to text him and her new friends, perhaps because she felt awkward, perhaps because she wasn't thinking about the effect she was having on me/thinking about how I was feeling.

    I want to know whether it was my fault she acted like this - over the last few weeks of our relationship, she seemed to be taking advantage more and more in terms of asking me to pay for things and would snap/make snide remarks. She still said intense words of praise but they were fewer.

    Then, once we were at uni, I spoke to her on the phone, saying "I'm having second thoughts about my course and my depression is returning" (the second degree I would have dropped out of). Now I find myself wondering whether I had lost her respect, meaning that she turned to another guy. Or is the ease with which she did it indicative of a relationship which would not work?
    As someone who suffers mental illness with a fiance I say, no, what you're thinking about yourself isn't right. Your connection and compatability just wasn't good enough from the beginning, she's not the right person for you, which is no one's fault in itself although her callous actions show at the very least a complete carelessness on her part. I don't know how you were interacting with her in the weeks before she cheated: if you were depressed you might have been less exciting and interesting, more needy or more distant, but this is not why.

    It's possible for people who aren't right for each other to have whirlwind romances. This doesn't detract from the experience initially - but then later on it falls apart. If however there are grounds for a strong relationship, having spent only 6 months together (before any real issues have even had time to surface), grown close and shared experiences, the compulsion to be close to each other will still be going strong so something like depression will only elicit concern and care in a partner; especially if your behaviour doesn't change drastically to something that is difficult for anyone to deal with (ie. suicidal, emotional manipulation and so on: which I get the impression it didn't in you).

    As soon as she was away in a new exciting environment, she got absorbed in that instead of you, so she willfully ignored her moral obligation to your emotional well-being. Whereas when you build a deeper bond with someone, especially having shared experiences like holidays, at separation you want to share as much of your new world as you can with them and are eager to keep up the closeness from a distance, including being interested and involved in everything about their lives (even depression).

    Men are not really any different to women. If she was having a hard time, you wouldn't feel like dropping her after 6 months of happiness because of it. Same applies in your direction. Love isn't about gender stereotypes or status, it's a private feeling and drive to care about someone because of who they are as a person and how that enriches your life (through ups and downs).
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    (Original post by pfm)
    You definitely haven't lost out by losing her. Things always have a funny way of working out for the best, even if it really, really hurts and takes you time to feel okay. You deserve someone who will respect you enough not to cheat on you, and someone you can trust as well. You deserve to not be taken advantage of or treated badly. Don't let her mistake make you think any differently.

    No one is perfect, we all have our down times and times where we just need a little extra help. Being open and honest with someone about how you're struggling shouldn't make them lose respect for you. She had a choice to end things the decent way or the not-so-decent way, and she chose the latter. That really should be telling you something about her.

    You will get over her, you will move on and you'll look back and think 'she was a waste of time, I deserve better than that'. You deserve to be happy, OP.
    The best posts I've ever seen,.

    And to the OP don't worry - just think you've emerged from something which could have trapped you.
    You lacked nothing - she was the one that lacked the most. Think of it now as you'll get a better partner in the future and forget about her - the day she sees you with a better partner....that'll be the day when you see the reaction on your face , she was worth nothing. Same thing happened to me and I don't care, mine was a waste of time! I'll get better and you will get better, but move on, your life will change for the better and learn from Ribbits post - she wasn't the one. You've got your whole life ahead, and you'll get the right one in the end.
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    Look OP, I think you know really that the fact she cheated was not your fault. Regardless of what happened between you two she didn't need to go home with another guy, that's low.

    if I was in your shoes, I would've left as soon as I found out about this 'cuddling'.

    And you seem like a good guy so you should have the confidence to know you'll find someone with more respect for you.

    A similar thing happened to me with my ex, I found out, split up there and then after weeks of stress thinking something might be going on behind my back, and never really looked back. She begged me to come back, and maybe if you split up with your gf she'll beg you too, but that's because they realise their mistake and they'll actually have more respect for you if you stand up for yourself and realise you don't deserve that BS.

    Good luck bro
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I know you'll tell me it has nothing to do with looks or not to worry about it, but I'm at the end here.

    This is me and the other guy:

    http://imgur.com/1aiwMMf

    http://imgur.com/WgKdduY
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    OP she sounds very manipulating to a point where she is making you blame yourself for her actions. This whole relationship is based on her terms.
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    Those hoes ain't loyal 🎶
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    There is no justification for cheating.
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    Slaughter her. When she sleeps, slit her neck. Do it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my girlfriend cheated on me. I'm wondering whether it was my fault.

    We were together for 6 months and seemed to be incredibly close. She would use words like soulmate and perfect guy, would talk about our future, our children etc. We spent most of our time together and went away to Barcelona on the best holiday of our lives.

    We decided to make things work once we were at uni but after 2 weeks, she kissed another bloke, accepted his invitation to go home with him and, although she says nothing happened, spent the night "cuddling".

    When I visited she spent the entire time ignoring me to text him and her new friends, perhaps because she felt awkward, perhaps because she wasn't thinking about the effect she was having on me/thinking about how I was feeling.

    I want to know whether it was my fault she acted like this - over the last few weeks of our relationship, she seemed to be taking advantage more and more in terms of asking me to pay for things and would snap/make snide remarks. She still said intense words of praise but they were fewer.

    Then, once we were at uni, I spoke to her on the phone, saying "I'm having second thoughts about my course and my depression is returning" (the second degree I would have dropped out of). Now I find myself wondering whether I had lost her respect, meaning that she turned to another guy. Or is the ease with which she did it indicative of a relationship which would not work?
    It is not your fault at all, you cannot blame yourself for the actions of others especially in this scenario. What happened to you was horrible and im sure no one would like it to happen to them. Unless you did something and haven't posted about it, I cannot see what you have done wrong. Do not blame yourself it was not you that cheated, it was her. She could have ended it with you but instead decided to stay with you and cheat on you with another guy. That is her fault not yours.
 
 
 
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Updated: May 13, 2015
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