This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Is this bad? Rebound stuff...

10

I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year, and today I went to meet up with a guy I've had an on-off fling with (before me and my bf got together) and I've liked him for ages. We met up for a drink, and then went back to his. We didn't intend anything to happen, but just before I needed to leave 'it' happened. He kissed me, and it just unleashed all the old feelings I had for him.

My predicament now is that I know I'm very much on the rebound, but I've liked this guy since we met at the beginning of 2005....is it worth just putting him on hold? Is it bad that I did that?

Reply 1

Bedshaped

14

Sorry bit confused...did you sleep with him?

Reply 2

SianyLou

OP

10

Yes.

Reply 3

Zerforax

21

Just tell him you like him but want to take it slow to get your feelings clear?

Reply 4

SianyLou

OP

10

I think he knows that...but it was never intended in the first place, which makes me feel like I almost cheated on my (now ex) bf!

Reply 5

robinc

6

well you broke up, stop being a wuss! :smile:

I can understand you still feeling attached but you have no reason to feel bad.

Reply 6

SianyLou

OP

10

It's a day since we broke up....but the fact remains that I was thinking all the time "If I stay with my bf long term I might lose this other guy completely" and so I went to see him.... ARGH confusion

Reply 7

SianyLou

OP

10

haha...doesnt help much lol

Reply 8

Martyn1989

You obviously like him! Go for it :smile:

.

Reply 9

scribble_girl

14

I'd explain to the guy who 'it' happened with today that I'd just come out of something & didn't want to hurt him by going into this on the possibility that you're on the rebound (which is slim - tell him that, but you want to be 100% certain) and that you want to be able to get your ex out of your system before you can give him & any relationship you'd have your full attention. =]

And you're obviously v much in demand, so I wouldn't worry about feeling bad! you're single and it's not a reflection on your ex and how the relationship obviously meant nothing (which if it didn't then, still isn't true now)... it's more a reflection on how you feel about this guy you liked from 2005 onwards, and how strongly you feel for him, rather than any disrespect to the year long relationship you had with your ex :smile:

Reply 10

Little Girl Red

1

Back in 2004, my boyfriend (of four months, so not as long as a year) broke up with me and I was hugely upset. Then I got together (with my now fiance) three weeks later, having known the whole way through that I really really liked him. I suppose you could say that I was on the rebound, but it has lasted 2 and a half years so far and we are getting married in July!
You can still feel upset and grieve for the relationship that you had with your boyfriend (as I did) without it affecting you starting your new one, especially if you know that you have liked him for ages. However, I'd probably try to give it a little more time for you to be single than one day!!

Reply 11

SianyLou

OP

10

Little Girl Red

Back in 2004, my boyfriend (of four months, so not as long as a year) broke up with me and I was hugely upset. Then I got together (with my now fiance) three weeks later, having known the whole way through that I really really liked him. I suppose you could say that I was on the rebound, but it has lasted 2 and a half years so far and we are getting married in July!
You can still feel upset and grieve for the relationship that you had with your boyfriend (as I did) without it affecting you starting your new one, especially if you know that you have liked him for ages. However, I'd probably try to give it a little more time for you to be single than one day!!

That's the answer I expected. The 'rebound guy' said to me yesterday that he's waited ages for me to become available (sounds like something you hear when trying to call your mobile phone provider...) and now I am he's not gonna let me go easily. It made me feel special, but I dunno if that's cos of how badly I was treated in the year long relationship. We had flings in the past, but although I liked him I never thought he wanted me for more...he kept texting me while I was with my boyfriend asking if I wanted to go out for a drink or dinner, saying he wished that he'd made a move sooner cos then I wouldn't be in a bad relationship...

He's generally a very nice guy, but as much as I'm scared of hurting him, I'm scared of getting hurt myself. My ex put me off sex as he was often very forceful (and has, since we broke up, sent me vile texts to that effect...) and our sex life was very much one way. Yet seeing this guy yesterday, it kinda made me see that not all guys are like that. Argh...why does this APPEAR so simple yet make me feel so confused!?

Reply 12

Nix!

11

SianyLou, personally if I was in your position I would try and remain single for a little while, perhaps a couple of months. It'll give you time to reassess who you are and hopefully come to terms with losing your ex. If the 'rebound guy' really does want to be with you, I'm sure he'll wait. You could perhaps have a more open relationship for the time being, take it slow. I'm in the same position as the 'rebound guy' here as it seems, and I'm currently playing the waiting game. I just hope it works out for me :smile:

Just don't go rushing into anything just yet would be my advice :smile:

Reply 13

SianyLou

OP

10

He's waited this long I guess. Our timing's always rubbish...either I'm single and he's not, or he's single and I'm not...we've been waiting on each other for months!!

Reply 14

Nix!

11

Well, with this girl I was seeing, we were going great for a couple of weeks and suddenly this whole issue of her just getting out of a long term relationship appeared. I told her it was okay, just take it slow and we did for a while, but as it stood, she still needed the time and she didn't want to drag me along as she really did like me. Like I said, now I'm just seeing how things work out. If the guy really does like you, he'll wait. You may feel fine, but as you can see with my experience, it can and most likely will creep back up on you.

Reply 15

SianyLou

OP

10

Thanks you guys. Anyone else with any comments will be much appreciated!

Reply 16

Reue

20

I done pretty much the same thing. A girl id had a very long off-on kinda thing for years with split with her boyfriend, and we got tonight very soon after.

Quickly it became clear that as much as she liked me, she also missed her ex, and eventually that just became too much and i had to split up with her.

Be carful of rushing into it too quick! You might not miss your ex bf now.. but in a week or a month you might start to really miss all the little things about him. And its not fair on this new guy.

Reply 17

SianyLou

OP

10

If you knew about my ex Reue, you'd know why we split. Some of the things he did to me are criminal offences.

Reply 18

Zafda

8

SianyLou

I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year, and today I went to meet up with a guy I've had an on-off fling with (before me and my bf got together) and I've liked him for ages. We met up for a drink, and then went back to his. We didn't intend anything to happen, but just before I needed to leave 'it' happened. He kissed me, and it just unleashed all the old feelings I had for him.

My predicament now is that I know I'm very much on the rebound, but I've liked this guy since we met at the beginning of 2005....is it worth just putting him on hold? Is it bad that I did that?

if you've liked him for that long, maybe its not the case of a rebound, but coz you're questioning it, maybe it is.
give it time, if you guys get along then don't get into a relationship, but keep it open or something? that way you can truely decide over time whether you really really like him or was it just that rebound feeling..

Reply 19

SianyLou

OP

10

Hmm..... my ex keeps texting me asking me if I've met anyone else...we only broke up on Thursday!

Is this bad? Rebound stuff...

Related discussions

Articles for you