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Am I wrong for judging him? Watch

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    My mate told me he's having an affair with a married woman and it's been going on for a few months. I haven't really said much to him but just the idea of it makes me sick as my marriage was broken due to my ex cheating (I'm a girl btw). So just cheating in general hits a little close to home.

    He doesn't see it as anything wrong, just a bit of fun. And in a way, I guess the woman has more responsibility as she is the one in a marriage. But I still can't look at my mate in the same light as I see him as being morally wrong too. Am I being too harsh? What sort of response am I meant to give to him next time he brings it up because I know he will, so far I've just side-stepped my way out of saying anything.
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    keep away from "affairers"
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    keep away from "affairers"
    So I'm not horrible for being put off my friend due to this? How shall I handle this in the future?
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    You're not being too harsh, no. Your friend is doing something socially and romantically unfair, and whilst the woman is at fault for cheating on her husband, that doesn't mean your friend gets away scot free.

    You should tell him you feel his actions are wrong and that he can end up hurting a lot of people emotionally if he carries on with the behaviour.
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    (Original post by Inexorably)
    You're not being too harsh, no. Your friend is doing something socially and romantically unfair, and whilst the woman is at fault for cheating on her husband, that doesn't mean your friend gets away scot free.

    You should tell him you feel his actions are wrong and that he can end up hurting a lot of people emotionally if he carries on with the behaviour.
    I think he knows it's morally wrong but he doesn't care. He asked me what's the point of being good. He said to me he broke it off with her before but she keeps making moves and he gives in again. It happened again yesterday.

    I don't know how much more I can stomach hearing it as I genuinely hate cheaters because of my own history. I won't hear about it again til the next time it happens, just wondering how I should respond without sounding too preachy or judgy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think he knows it's morally wrong but he doesn't care. He asked me what's the point of being good. He said to me he broke it off with her before but she keeps making moves and he gives in again. It happened again yesterday.

    I don't know how much more I can stomach hearing it as I genuinely hate cheaters because of my own history. I won't hear about it again til the next time it happens, just wondering how I should respond without sounding too preachy or judgy
    The point of being 'good' is that less people will be hurt if he stops his actions. He is actively choosing pleasure over the values of other people and romance which is insanely selfish.

    Tell him you can support him with breaking it off and helping him not go running back to her all the time.
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    I think you should remain his friend but let your opinion be made clear, but don't make it an issue unless he is mentioning it all the time/making you uncomfortable. You shouldn't not be his friend because of it I don't think. He may not take relationships as seriously as you, and ultimately, it is the woman who's cheating that is at fault.

    You wouldn't unfriend someone for believing in god if you were an athiest, differing views on subjects are bound to come up in the friendship.
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    (Original post by Inexorably)
    The point of being 'good' is that less people will be hurt if he stops his actions. He is actively choosing pleasure over the values of other people and romance which is insanely selfish.

    Tell him you can support him with breaking it off and helping him not go running back to her all the time.
    Thanks, that's a good response. I don't know if this matters but he said the reason he wants to break it off is because he's starting to care for her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, that's a good response. I don't know if this matters but he said the reason he wants to break it off is because he's starting to care for her.
    Then I would encourage you to talk to him right away about it, once you develop feelings for someone who is married then the problem will just snowball
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    (Original post by Best of Luck)
    I think you should remain his friend but let your opinion be made clear, but don't make it an issue unless he is mentioning it all the time/making you uncomfortable. You shouldn't not be his friend because of it I don't think. He may not take relationships as seriously as you, and ultimately, it is the woman who's cheating that is at fault.

    You wouldn't unfriend someone for believing in god if you were an athiest, differing views on subjects are bound to come up in the friendship.
    You're right and that's why I have to be cautious in how I handle this. It is his life at the end of the day and I understand most of the fault will be with the woman - especially since she seems to always want to instigate it. He knows I think it's wrong, he's always joking about me being a saint. I will have to wait for the next time he brings her up to say something then
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    (Original post by Inexorably)
    Then I would encourage you to talk to him right away about it, once you develop feelings for someone who is married then the problem will just snowball
    He told me this a few weeks ago. Since then, he stayed away from her for a couple weeks but yesterday it happened again. Guess his feelings are getting involved in it. Any advice on how I should bring it up? I haven't been talking to him properly today so it seems kinda awkward
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He told me this a few weeks ago. Since then, he stayed away from her for a couple weeks but yesterday it happened again. Guess his feelings are getting involved in it. Any advice on how I should bring it up? I haven't been talking to him properly today so it seems kinda awkward
    Couldn't really advise you beyond simply telling him you need to have a serious chat about some things and you'd appreciate it if he listened. Even if it feels awkward, you'll feel bad for not making an effort to intervene.

    Obviously speak when he's alone, not around others
 
 
 
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