what grade would you give this english lit analysis.

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shwansalah
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#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Shakespeare displays disturbed minds through showing Maintainability to control his own mind. When contemplating on murdering Banquo, an innocent with a son that has nothing to deserve death. Macbeth says: O, full of scorpions is my mind, dear wife! His mind is vastly out of control that it is not controlled by something natural as the brain, but replaced by ‘scorpions’. The symbolic Connotations of scorpion is death and dying, scorpions are known for their immense claws that can rip through prey easily. Just like that, his mind is a weapon that craves death. He not only says that, but states that his mind is ‘full’ of these foul creatures. His mind has no remorse, emotion or feelings,only the desire to crush his enemies, if his mind is ‘full’ of them, therefore he has no conscience and if his mind has no conscience, he is not a human, but instead he is the personification of a creature like a scorpion who kills anything it wishes. His mind is also so immeasurably unstable, he begs his wife to save him from it, he screams: ‘dear wife!’ ‘scorpions’ and ‘dear’ both juxtapose each other and the fact that they are used in the same sentence shows he can’t tell the difference between evil or good and switches between the both. The exclamation mark exemplifies his desperation for His wife to help him from his peril, the emphasis on ‘wife’shows only the love and comfort of her will save him, only she can make the ‘scorpions’in his mind disappear. Even though ironically, Lady Macbeth was the one who motivated him to kill king Duncan to secure the crown with quotes such as ‘art thou afeard to act in thine own desire?’ She accused him of cowardice to try-and motivate his ambition to kill the king and now he wants her ‘dear’ wife, which has connotations of goodness to relieve him of his evil intentions, once again proving he can’t tell the difference between right or wrong. At the time of Shakespeare , the audience would mostly be Christian, they believed all life was sacred, a quote in the bible: “all life is sacred’ exemplifies this. They believed that anyone who defied this sacred belief is banished from God and will walk along an unknown path away from God, Macbeth’s inability to control his own mind shows he is-already walking along the unknown path and has no guidance from God. The play of Macbeth was also a tragedy, meaning a a protagonist’s fatal flaw will be his downfall. Macbeth’s fatal flaw is the desire for death and the crown, he was once a person who served the king with honor, now his fatal flaw has lead him into a path of darkness and confusion. He is officially lost.
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username996405
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#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
(Original post by shwansalah)
Shakespeare displays disturbed minds through showing Macbeth’s inability to control his own mind. When contemplating on murdering Banquo, an innocent with a son that has nothing to deserve death. Macbeth says: O, full of scorpions is my mind, dear wife! His mind is vastly out of control that it is not controlled by something natural as the brain, but replaced by ‘scorpions’. The symbolic Connotations of scorpion is death and dying, scorpions are known for their immense claws that can rip through prey easily. Just like that, his mind is a weapon that craves death. He not only says that, but states that his mind is ‘full’ of these foul creatures. His mind has no remorse, emotion or feelings,only the desire to crush his enemies, if his mind is ‘full’ of them, therefore he has no conscience and if his mind has no conscience, he is not a human, but instead he is the personification of a creature like a scorpion who kills anything it wishes. His mind is also so immeasurably unstable, he begs his wife to save him from it, he screams: ‘dear wife!’ ‘scorpions’ and ‘dear’ both juxtapose each other and the fact that they are used in the same sentence shows he can’t tell the difference between evil or good and switches between the both. The exclamation mark exemplifies his desperation for His wife to help him from his peril, the emphasis on ‘wife’shows only the love and comfort of her will save him, only she can make the ‘scorpions’in his mind disappear. Even though ironically, Lady Macbeth was the one who motivated him to kill king Duncan to secure the crown and now he wants her goodness to relieve him of his evil intentions, once again proving he Cant tell the difference between right or wrong. At the time of Shakespeare , the audience would mostly be Christian,they believed all life was sacred, a quote in the bible: “all life is sacred’ exemplifies this. They believed that anyone who defied this sacred belief is banished from God and will walk along an unknown path away from God, Macbeth’s inability to control his own mind shows he is already walking along the unknown path and has no guidance from God. The play of Macbeth was also a tragedy, meaning a a protagonist flaw will be his downfall. Macbeth’s fatal flaw is the desire for death and the crown, he was once a person who served the king with honor, now his fatal flaw has lead him into a path of darkness and confusion. He is lost.
The language analysis itself is really good, I'd give that an A or B, to be honest. Your style of writing is a bit all over the place - try shortening longer sentences and not just using commas everywhere.
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shwansalah
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#3
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#3
(Original post by Mochassassin)
The language analysis itself is really good, I'd give that an A or B, to be honest. Your style of writing is a bit all over the place - try shortening longer sentences and not just using commas everywhere.
yeah dw, i'm gonna copy it onto paper, punctuation and sentence length will be fixed, but I want the analysis and the A0s to be marked, not the structure of my writing please.
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username996405
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#4
Report 7 years ago
#4
(Original post by shwansalah)
yeah dw, i'm gonna copy it onto paper, punctuation and sentence length will be fixed, but I want the analysis and the A0s to be marked, not the structure of my writing please.
I have no idea what an A0 is but I said I'd give it an A/B. It's pretty difficult concentrating on the content when the structure is a mess but you said you're gonna fix it so it's fine.
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shwansalah
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#5
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#5
(Original post by Mochassassin)
I have no idea what an A0 is but I said I'd give it an A/B. It's pretty difficult concentrating on the content when the structure is a mess but you said you're gonna fix it so it's fine.
ugh i'll do it again then sec
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username996405
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#6
Report 7 years ago
#6
(Original post by shwansalah)
ugh i'll do it again then sec
Lol, stop worrying! I graded it based on the content, you doofus. :')
I don't see why it wouldn't get an A or a B at least! Be happy!
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shwansalah
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#7
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#7
(Original post by Mochassassin)
Lol, stop worrying! I graded it based on the content, you doofus. :'
I don't see why it wouldn't get an A or a B at least! Be happy!
ok can i get improvements on my work so it can be an A* idk why it would be a B, is it my context?
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username996405
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#8
Report 7 years ago
#8
(Original post by shwansalah)
ok can i get improvements on my work so it can be an A* idk why it would be a B, is it my context?
I'm not really sure on how you could improve it. A mark scheme would help if you have one?
I'd say add another quote or two in the second half of the analysis! It's always PEE - point, evidence, explain. Near the end, you're making really good points, but not showing evidence to back it up.
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shwansalah
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#9
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#9
(Original post by Mochassassin)
I'm not really sure on how you could improve it. A mark scheme would help if you have one?
I'd say add another quote or two in the second half of the analysis! It's always PEE - point, evidence, explain. Near the end, you're making really good points, but not showing evidence to back it up.
ok i see what you mean, i've added more evidence near the bottom, what do you think?
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username996405
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#10
Report 7 years ago
#10
(Original post by shwansalah)
ok i see what you mean, i've added more evidence near the bottom, what do you think?
I'm a bit OCD with grammar/punctuation so I'm just going to PM you with my corrections. Hold on.
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shwansalah
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#11
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#11
ok, ty , would someone else like to grade it?
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charlieoakley97
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#12
Report 6 years ago
#12
I'd give this a C/B to be honest. There's some signs of development but it seems hurried and lacks coherence.
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Somtochi
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#13
Report 4 years ago
#13
(Original post by username996405)
The language analysis itself is really good, I'd give that an A or B, to be honest. Your style of writing is a bit all over the place - try shortening longer sentences and not just using commas everywhere.
Ye, quality not quantity. I could write half of that and tick all the AO's. People are under the perception, that the more you write the more marks you get, but it's really about what you write not how much you write. Point, Evidence, Explanation (analysis), Context, Link with another quote, Pioint of the other quote, Explain (analyse), maybe another bit of context to back up the point. Thats all you really need in each paragraph to get full marks on the essay, being that it's fluent with a good variety of vocabulary.
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