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    Hi, everyone, I'm new here and I primarily joined here as I have a bit of an issue and was wondering the best way to go about understanding how I want to handle the situation.

    So my girlfriend and I originally got together at the start of 2014 and broke up in September of last year. There were a few things that constituted to this, the primary one being that I went to America for two and a half months with Camp America and she remained here in Scotland. She messaged me constantly and expressed that she didn't feel I was communicating very well with her while I was there. To a certain extent, she was right, I perhaps could have messaged her more, but a one hour period off per day to spend on the internet, sometimes I just didn't feel like I wanted to spend the small time I had away from the kids with my eyes glued to a phone screen in the staff lounge. This all culminated in the last week of camp when I sent out a tweet (one of the only ones I sent all summer, as my girlfriend had expressed before the summer that if she saw me posting a lot on FB or twitter about how much fun I was having, she would get a bit jealous) that I had bee having a great time and wasn't particularly looking forward to coming home. Now, perhaps this could be seen a a bit insensitive or her feelings but I really had not meant it in the sense that I wouldn't be happy to see her again, just that I wasn't looking forward to the grind of university life once again. Anyway, this got blown way out of proportion and when I returned to Scotland, I called time on the relationship as I felt I wanted to be on my own, outwith the realms of a relationship.

    So I should have left it there. I was happy and didn't mind not being in a relationship. Until my ex messaged me asking to talk. I agreed and she expressed that she wanted to try meeting up a few times and if things went well, perhaps we could get back together. Now the guilt was massive for me having broken her heart by breaking up with her (she told me as much). So I agreed. It wasn't as if I didn't like her or anything, I just didn't want a relationship at that moment. So I agreed and we met up. I always knew her intention was to get back together, although she denied it. And I agreed because this was my first real relationship and I thought I should. I ought to add here that she is 25 and I am 21 and she is much more mature and aware of what she's doing with herself than I. This is no excuse but I thought I may as well see how I was feeling.

    This all culminated in me agreeing to get back with her at the end of January this year. It wasn't as if I didn't have feeling for her but I am aware that I do not love her and cannot see myself loving her in the future either. We have had a good few months together this time around and I still like her but I am going back to America again this summer and I promised myself last year that I would go back this year with no commitments back home. We have spoken a few times in the last few weeks about how I was feeling to the extent that she has bluntly asked me if I want to break up again and I have said no each time as I am so confused and unsure about how it is I'm supposed to be feeling. This is my first relationship and I know I'm not going to be in it forever abut being told by my girlfriend that "you will look back in a few years and regret breaking up with me" is confusing concept and makes me doubt the idea that I may not be in a place for a relationship. She is in her final year at uni and will probably be moving out of Aberdeen in the near future after her summer placement is over. I'm just so confused and I've been MASSIVELY unfair to her as I know I'm guilty of over-thinking things at times. But I know I'm not going to love her in the future, despite still having feelings for her, possibly due to how long we've been going out and the fact this is my first proper relationship.

    Any advice on how to handle this situation would be really appreciated. Apologies about the length of this post but I felt I needed to sort of splurge all my thoughts out somewhere and this seemed like a welcoming enough place for this to happen!!
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    If u know you are not going to love her in the future, then I think its pointless getting back with her. You would be wasting her time and yours aswell.
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    Thanks for the reply! I keep trying to work out myself why I can't be honest with myself and with her as well. I'm trying a lot to see a way that I may eventually feel love towards her and I just can't see it happening and I'm unsure why that is, I guess. :/
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    If you don't love her now then I doubt you will love her in the future. I think you should just tell her that you like her, but you don't love her and you're not ready for a relationship. End it now before it gets even more complicated and you end up hurting her more than you already have.
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    I can't believe I read all that when you've said the solution already.

    Yeah you feel guilty, welcome to the world of breakups. Leading her on cos you feel guilty and aren't man enough to be honest is gonna create more drama. You already said you won't be with her forever so why obsess? Just cut contact and move on. That's the honourable thing to do. You aren't saving her pain by stringing her along. Simply tell her you aren't ready to settle down and that's it. MOVE ON.
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    (Original post by Krackerz)
    Thanks for the reply! I keep trying to work out myself why I can't be honest with myself and with her as well. I'm trying a lot to see a way that I may eventually feel love towards her and I just can't see it happening and I'm unsure why that is, I guess. :/
    You can't just stay with someone on the off chance you might love them someday, but probably not - especially as you said you know it won't last. You're playing with her heart and head. She sounds overdramatic anyway, the sooner you man up the better. Stop being such a pussy!
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    (Original post by AvaAdore)
    You can't just stay with someone on the off chance you might love them someday, but probably not - especially as you said you know it won't last. You're playing with her heart and head. She sounds overdramatic anyway, the sooner you man up the better. Stop being such a pussy!
    Sorry about the long wait for a reply to this, guys, I've been ill the last few days. Basically, I know I'm being a bit of a wimp in this by not being honest about how I feel. Basically, I spoke to her a few times of late about our relationship in which I told her that I did not love her. What I didn't mention before was that last year when we were together, she got angry and frustrated at me for being unable to tell her I loved her because I didn't, frankly. It escalated to the scale where I ultimately told her I did because I wasn't sure what else to do and she was my first girlfriend so I thought that this was probably the best way out of an extended argument. This time around I brought it up and she brushed it off, stating that she did not love me yet either and that it takes time. She admitted she was wrong to push this subject last year and that she only did it last year because she "needed someone to tell her that they loved her" as she was a bit of a mess at the time. I then stated I did not think I could commit to the relationship while I am away in America this summer again, to which she asked me if I "didn't think she was worth it, despite all that we have been through up until this point". I assume she means breaking up and getting back together but I don't know. She ran me down a fair bit and made me feel extremely guilty. She is not a bad person by any means at all and I do like her. I just don't love her.
 
 
 
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Updated: May 16, 2015
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