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Advice - a bad friend who is mean and manipulative has applied to the same firm uni Watch

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    Hi guys, I was wondering if anyone had gone through something similar or had any advice on this particular issue...basically, I have a toxic friend who has been nothing but manipulative, mean and emotionally abusive to me in the past year, and I put up with it because I knew that I'd be going to uni soon and would get away from it. We are interested in some of the same things, but she has a superiority complex that makes her strive to be better or on the same level as me, and so has always done things like try to make plans with my friends behind my back and intentionally leave me out, or buy something that I was saving up for, steal my ideas for projects, hooking up with boys I liked, undermining my accomplishments etc. She asked me a few months ago about where I was applying for uni and I told her my first (I won't mention which one it is) and second choices (it has been my dream to go to my first choice since I was 13, and there is nowhere else I would rather go or that is right for me) and all of a sudden she said 'I didn't even think of that uni!' --now she has applied for exactly the same course and is likely to go there in September. I am absolutely torn up about it, because it feels like I'm taking a hugely negative part of my old life to uni, and I wanted to start over and basically live my dream of going to my first choice! Anyway, does anyone have any advice of what I can do or say to her about this so that maybe she'll stay away from me but not try to make my life hell because she's angry or something?
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    Firstly, Is there any possible chance of you going to a different university? Secondly, I think you should talk to you parents about this. I hope everything works out for you xx


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    Uni is so so different from school, it doesn't matter that you'll both be on the same course, you will know separate people from halls, from sports and societies, people you meet on nights out. There is so much opportunity to meet so many people that you never have to speak to your mean friend again if you don't want to! Just put yourself out there in freshers week and speak to anyone and everyone and you will soon have a whole new friendship group.

    Such an exciting time in your life, don't let this person make you stress about it!
    • #2
    #2

    I had a similar problem. I am a guy and there was this girl in my class who I just hate because she's very childish and she has no friends so she always sticks to me because I am too kind to ignore someone. Basically I chose one uni which I fell in love, the course is perfect for me, amazing facilities, etc. However, when I was about to apply that girl asked me what were my most favourite unis. After I said that she was like "oh, what a good uni, I like it so much!". That uni didn't have the course that she wanted to do, it was something more specific for me and I was the only one in class who wanted to do that. But... guess what. She applied to all the same unis and courses as me, and she was saying that she will firm the uni I like the most! That was a disaster and I didn't know what to do. She was repeating all the time how she likes that uni and wants to go there. I didn't like this idea and I even created a thread on TSR asking for advice because I was worried that my social life will be ruined because of this.
    Basically, when we talked I started to say that I like this other uni, I said how good it is, etc. To be honest, that uni was actually quite good, about 20 places higher than my favourite one, but the course and facilities for that specific field were rubbish. The course was quite broad and I knew she liked the things in it (I did as well, but not that much). I lied to her that this will definitely be my firm choice, I repeated that every day when I met her. She asked me what she should firm, and I said that she should pick the one I lied about.
    Day before the deadline she said that she firmed that uni. I was so happy when I heard that, I got rid of her forever.

    Sounds horrible but I had no choice. At the end she was the person who made a decision.


    OP, is it too late to try somethint like that on your friend?
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    do you know your course set up? on many courses the intake will be big enough that in most lectures there will be 100+ people in a lecture so there will be no need whatsoever to keep spending time with her, you're unlikely to be placed in halls together (you may be able to make requests in which case find out what she is requesting and ask for something else) but in general just don't worry there is no reason to spend time with her if you don't want to, there are so many people on a uni campus you may well virtually never see her and you don't have to make a big deal of it - just say at first you want to integrate into people in your halls and focus on them and you will drift apart naturally
 
 
 
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Updated: May 17, 2015
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