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Depressed and feel WORTHLESS compared to the older guy I like watch

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    I've got depression, dropped out of uni due to it and am stuck back at home again with an abusive family due to financial reasons.

    I have no friends but I did meet a guy through temp work, who's older, in his thirties. He was bullying and rude the first time we met TBH, but I spoke to my other manager about it and then we became friends because he was nicer. He keeps flirting with me obviously which I guess is inappropriate but not OTT, and I didn't flirt back but completely fell for him. I learned he had a fiancee but I still have a thing for him.

    I'm not even sure if I have a thing for him or I'm just jealous because he seems to have an amazing life, manager and is earning a lot at 37 (I'm 21), talks a lot about his parents and siblings at work (he apparently had a great childhood, still goes on holiday with his family and they go to all these expensive places - I had no childhood and wasnt allowed friends), is cultured, has two degrees and an mba, etc. It's not his fiancee I am jealous of it's him.

    I only have to see him a few more times before I finish work but Im still dreading it. The fact I like him and the fact he seems to be better than me, an abused dropout who's depressed and has done nothing with her life for the last 5 years are awful. I even saw him talking to a new girl at work, not being flirty and complimenting appearance like he is with me but just nice and I felt awful and jealous because he was rude to me the first time we met. I'm trying to deal with my depression though haven't had the courage to see doctor but I can't stop thinking about him and every time I do I feel 10 times worse.

    Help
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    *he's 39 this year sorry. I even felt jealous sounding about his plans for his 40th this month

    I know I shouldnt be comparing to someone 18 years older but pretty much everyone at my age is better off than me too
 
 
 
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