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How does one deal with false accusations of being gay in the office? watch

    • Thread Starter

    A girl in my office has started spreading rumours that I am gay. I believe she has done this as some sort of revenge for rejecting her 'advances'. I have my reasons, to put it simply, she's not my type. As well as this I am a shy, socially awkward character and for some reason people often take this as a sign of being gay. Therefore as she spread these rumours people have started believing her. Its an extremely cruel thing for her to do especially because I've done nothing to her.

    Honestly it wouldnt bother me if it was a just a one off slur as im not particularly homphobic, however other individuals in the office have started passing notes and whispering about me in earshott as well as one individual incinuating that I am gay several times in conversations with him and I do know this person is particularly homophobic so I am concerned he may vent this on me in future. Its not a great feeling knowing people are talking behind your back.

    All i want to do is do my job. I don't give a **** about other peoples sexuality so I am actually furious my private life is being discussed like this. Overall my main concern is that this rumour spreads around the whole office rather than the small number of people it currently lies with.

    I believe I have 3 options:
    1. Ignore it and hopefully let it die down

    2.Raise it with management and nip it in the bud.

    3. Fight fire with fire and partake in the mental intimidation of the 3 or 4 individuals involved in spreading this rumour. This is what I am leaning towards at the moment. I have it in my locker and am angry enough to do it. I plan to unleash an aggressive, bullying alter ego upon them, a side of me which only 1 or two people have seen. Maybe not advised but I like this job and I'm certainly not going to let a couple of w*nkers ruin it.

    Ugh, what are people like?! I agree with you in the way that you have those 3 options, but I definitely wouldn't go with number 3 if I were you, although some people would. If you, as you put it, fight fire with fire, then you're going down to their level which isn't ideal. Therefore, if this situation ever got into the knowledge of the management of your workplace then you would be just as bad as they and so you could both be given trouble. To be honest, it sort of depends on how much you care. If you don't do anything then they may just continue it and it could keep making your work life difficult. However, if you tell the management then, as the people that started the rumour, as they have already spectacularly showcased their immaturity, could get annoyed about it. But that shouldn't stop you telling if it's really bothering you. If it were me, I would tell the few people I am closest to that the information is wrong and that I'm not gay and see if it dies down. If it doesn't die down and it continues to annoy you, then I would tell. Hope that helps.

    I think it's best if you just play it down. Like if someone says you're gay, just joke back and say "what, who's gay? I hope my girlfriend doesn't hear this..hahahhha" and they will get the hint. Or something like "look, there's no need to call me gay, just because you can't get girls" . Or if you just wanna be corporate "oh, I didn't know discussing my personal life was in your job description..how odd.."

    With things like this, "serious" banter is what I would come back with. So make it a joke with an underlying "I'm not gay ,so shut up" tone to it.
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