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Best friend is my bully, how did this happen?!! watch

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    So when I started uni, I made friends with three girls on my course, an we were all sort of shy and nerdy, and accepted each other. but the other two drifted apart and I had to pick sides eventually, so I went with let's say Beth (**** scared about posting this by the way, she would rip me to shreds, but I'm so upset about this) And slowly she has become my nightmare. At first she Didn't like me talking to other people, or hanging out with other friends as she felt left out, so I stopped, I mean I didn't mind, I'm not that outgoing anyway,I felt bad for her, but she was doing the same behind my back. then she got in with the popular girls, not the nice ones though...And she's completely changed, no more geeky Tshirts or hair thrown into a scruffy pony tail, now it's makeup everyday and designer heels, and at first I was just happy for her, making new friends and finding her true self, but it seems a bit fake now.

    But I've realized that she's also started bullying me, And I'm living with her and 4 of her friends next year. It started when she got in with them and changed. She'd pick on my genes and Tshirts, lack of makeup, interrupt me when I spoke, literally every sentence she'd interrupt, never let me speak, always go on about her life and never listen back,at first I though she just didn't know any better but now I realize what she was doing, sending the message that my voice wasn't important.

    When I introduced her to some other friends she "friend jumped" and exuded me. When ever I talked to anyone else she'd guilt trip me or join in the conversation but make me look bad. She essentially helped to isolate me, I mean I'll admit I'm a shy person anyway, but she knew what she was doing. Now every time she introduces me to someone, or sees me talking to someone new she will immediately put me down in front of them, really badly, such as "She's "special" don't worry" which is her favorite one or "She's such a weirdo right?" "You don't have to talk to her" "Just ignore her" Yet she insists she's my friend, when she wants a favor. And literally she's the only person I've got now, I'm so isolated. I mean I have been trying to make new friends recently, and I do consider my house mates family, just for a long time she dominated me.

    She's so controlling! I can't make a breath with out her criticizing me! Going out with new friends, going out without her, wearing this wearing that, saying this, saying that, doing anything romantic! But even the small stuff!! Saying I have too many books, or that I shouldn't ever smile because I have an awful smile. And all under the guise that she's trying to help me be a better person. And she'll make up stuff about me and try to convince me it's true! "It's alright that you're scared of heights, I can tell, we'll stay on the first floor." And she'll do it with this sickly sweet smile and patronizing voice "Tyler, we need to address something now don't we. Sit. You've been wearing that jacket a lot lately haven't you? Well it makes you look really ridiculous." Seriously. She treats me like this. Like I am a very young child, fits in with the calling me "special" routine as well, I think that's what she's started trying to do. This is a massive problem and it's slowly been getting worse, trying to convince me and others of even more outrageous things every time! I just thing this is horrid!

    If I ever invite her out, she always has some sort of excuse, then complains that I'm so anti social. She treats me like a charity case, saying I can hang out with her friends, goes on and on about all the amazing things her and her friends do, but never let's me join in, they actively exclude me. Once she invited me out and I was all ready to go, phoned her if she was and she never picked up, texted her, she ignored them all, next day photos are up on facebook of her nigh out.

    If she ever does act nice, she just wants dirt on my private life when I'm upset and vulnerable, then spreads it around " I hope you didn't mind me telling, just think it's better this way" Once I was in a very dangerous (health) situation, I was terrified, couldn't sleep, and she used it against me, making fun of me and scaring me. On the rare occasions she compliments me she's comparing me to her "Oh I love those shoes, they're just like mine!" or she'll be condescending "you have a new hair cut?" but won't actually comment on it.

    She's tourmentive, cruel, manipulative, and I'm trapped. If I opt out of the living arrangements, she's hunt me down and kill me, it would be such a blow to her pride, and I can't avoid her, we both do the same course, and she could make things really difficult for me now she has such a vast social network. I know I'm strong, and she can't get in my head anymore, any tips on dealing with this next year or should I just leave the country?
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    She sounds horrible, and in all honesty, I imagine if you reiterated much of what you say here to others they will recognise that. It might be difficult, but if she acts like you describe, tell her that she is being contemptible. I would recommend that you don't live with her next year. If she attempts to harass you for it, report her to the university; they have policies for this kind of thing.
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    Wow, she sounds honestly terrifying. I suggest you block her out of your life asap even if she tries to get at you for being away from her. She isn't worth it, manipulative people need to be put in their place and learn that everything isn't about them. As you said before, she used to be shy and nerdy but now she's just hiding behind this fake mask to make herself feel better so these things must have happened to her before.

    Stand up to her for once in your life and show her that she can't boss you around anymore or if you don't want to, just ignore her and pretend to be busy doing something else so she thinks she's not important.
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    Get rid of her. Also, don't hold back, be honest and tell her what scum she really is.
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    (Original post by wilson_smith)
    She sounds horrible, and in all honesty, I imagine if you reiterated much of what you say here to others they will recognise that. It might be difficult, but if she acts like you describe, tell her that she is being contemptible. I would recommend that you don't live with her next year. If she attempts to harass you for it, report her to the university; they have policies for this kind of thing.
    Thanks I haven't told a soul, believe me, she's made it so she knows everyone who I know, even my housemates. Sometimes I think i can handle it, but then I just don't know what it's gonna be like living with her. I keep on thinking maybe she's not as bad as I though, maybe she'll change, maybe she just needs support, but then she'll tear me down again. Plus, she's all I've got now. I have no idea who I could end up living with next year.

    However the though of leaving her to stew in her own juices is so tempting, I'd be free! Plus I swear I'm going to snap at her one day and I'm just not that type of person.
    Do you think I should tell the uni about this situation?
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    Wow, sorry about that
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    Parasitic people.

    You have to remember a wide percentage of the population are not mentally sound. Now you've met one and can't stand her. Cut and don't paste.
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    Sorry to hear that sounds awful Clearly she doesn't deserve your friendship, she has made up her mind. I would try to let her go as much as possible and ignore any sort of bullying. I would also definitely report anything that is unacceptable!

    Perhaps try to make some new friends through societies or through local clubs? Depending on your interests there are lots of ways to get in touch with people with a similar mindset or that have the same interests!

    Wishing you the best of luck!!
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    (Original post by Kangie)
    Wow, she sounds honestly terrifying. I suggest you block her out of your life asap even if she tries to get at you for being away from her. She isn't worth it, manipulative people need to be put in their place and learn that everything isn't about them. As you said before, she used to be shy and nerdy but now she's just hiding behind this fake mask to make herself feel better so these things must have happened to her before.

    Stand up to her for once in your life and show her that she can't boss you around anymore or if you don't want to, just ignore her and pretend to be busy doing something else so she thinks she's not important.
    Thanks!! I honestly am surprised people replied to this! Yeah she used to be treated like that her self when she was younger, I honestly think she's now taking out all that pain on me. I just wish I had seen how manipulative she was instead of underestimating her. To be honest I just really pity her, she must not be happy at all
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    She sounds like Buffalo Bill man, it's only a matter of time before she sacrifices you to Satan. Ghost her and keep on ghosting her, just eject her from your life.
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    (Original post by Pop_tart)
    Sorry to hear that sounds awful Clearly she doesn't deserve your friendship, she has made up her mind. I would try to let her go as much as possible and ignore any sort of bullying. I would also definitely report anything that is unacceptable!

    Perhaps try to make some new friends through societies or through local clubs? Depending on your interests there are lots of ways to get in touch with people with a similar mindset or that have the same interests!

    Wishing you the best of luck!!
    Thanks I am researching ways to deal with this. And I am planning on joining a society or two next year, couldn't this year due to an illness.
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    (Original post by iAmanze)
    Parasitic people.

    You have to remember a wide percentage of the population are not mentally sound. Now you've met one and can't stand her. Cut and don't paste.
    Yep, honestly it's shocking the way her mind seems to work, I feel so sorry for her :'( But I need to think of myself first and distance myself form her before I go insane! I just never though I' meet anyone like that
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    Hey,
    I think that this person probably has some issues that she's dealing with, maybe at home, personally or academically maybe and she's taking this frustration out on you.
    So if it were me i'd have 3 options:
    Option 1) Talk to her, sit her down, just the two of you and try to hash it out (This seems like an unlikely situation)
    Option 2) Just ignore her completely, if she comes up and starts talking to you just turn and walk away, don't let her have power over you, you in are charge of you. There's a saying i like and i think it fits this situation, 'Nobody has the power to hurt you, unless you give it to them'
    Option 3) Tell somebody, be it your parents, a teacher you trust or a sibling or a trusted friend, you don't have to be alone in this, yes you may be in Uni, but there are still people there to help you and support you.
    If you maybe want an excuse for ignoring her or not being there for her to bully, maybe join a club or group of some kind. That way you have a valid reason for not being around and you could make a brand new group of friends completely separate from her.

    I hope this helps!
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    Is she possibly jealous of you or perhaps sees you as threatening in some way?

    Anyway, i think its insane you keep her in your life.

    Its better to have no friends than a vile, soul-sucking one who breaks down your self-confidence.

    Don't pander to her anymore. Snap at her. Ruffle her feathers.
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    I haven't made this mistake since like I was 13. Like I was new a lot as a kid and younger teen & would make new friends just to drop them and make new friends again, constantly. So I always used to like campaign myself, at first through my personality & later through my wardrobe when I got literally tired of befriending new people. I just waited for them to come over to me, finally. And before that, I was at one school & met someone else who was new. She was all pretty, looked like Rihanna, looked hot even in uniform, straight from the Caribbean so she has a serious accent but everyone pretty much understood her, and like a LOT of other girls were beefing with her trying to fight her, and she has a bald spot now b/c so much hair got pulled out during fights :pinch: like the floor was spotted with blood, all that.

    Anyway......& at first I didn't like my schedule even though since we came at the same time we had the same one. I went to switch it and she begged me & the counsellor not to take me out her class and to give her all my classes. Eventually that didn't happen and we used to always hang out during free time or whatever but then like we strayed from each other. She went with some hoodrats eventually :bored:

    So like you'll find that when you're new someone else who is new will shoulder up with you and then when they find their footing they drop you It was a lot to read but iirc you are moving in with her later, not living with her now? If so, then whyyyy talk to her? Well obv it's b/c you have no one else according to you but I ALWAYS tell myself, ESPECIALLY with befriending new people all the time and ruefully finding out who I buddied with:

    I'd rather have no company than bad company :yy::yy:
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    (Original post by Tyfeathers)
    Thanks I am researching ways to deal with this. And I am planning on joining a society or two next year, couldn't this year due to an illness.
    If I can offer any advice, it would be to fully accept she is no longer your friend - even though she is a bully this possibly might still not be very easy, especially if she was one of your only friends.

    I am a bit of a loner myself though I am totally okay with this. I never had many friends and even know I only have very few people that I would truly consider a close friend - If any of them were to turn on me completely this would be quite a shock first of all but also very hurtful!

    You could try meditating - this will take practice, but is a useful way to clear your head completely and get some rest in your head. Just you with yourself with no thoughts. A simply way of doing this is just to sit somewhere comfortable and think, or say in thought (as in not say it out loud) 'in' when breathing in and 'out' when breathing out. You might find your mind drifting and as soon as this happens leave it and go back to just in and out. After a while it becomes easier and is just an easy way to calm your mind.

    Hope your health will allow you to join some societies and meet new people. Try to keep positive, if at all possible
 
 
 
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