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Had sex with his best friend... watch

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    Okay, hear me out - I didn't cheat or anything. Basically I've been with my bf for around 8/9 months now, however he thinks I was a virgin before him.. But the truth is, I wasn't. Before I was with him, I had a 'thing' with his best friend.. we both decided not to mentioned it to him as frankly I'm scared it will destroy the whole relationship as it's his best friend and I think his trust for me will just go.. I didn't say anything when we first started going out, because it was his best friend and I didn't even know how serious the relationship was going to get, so I panicked when he asked about previous relationship stuff and said I'd never had done anything like that (which I now realise was a mistake) and since then I can't go back on what I said, so it's just got out of proportion... I know I didn't cheat and it was before I was with him, but still.. I don't know what to do. I have no feelings for his best friend whatsoever, and would never go there, and I care about my boyfriend so much, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll feel uncomfortable when he's around either of us, and he'll be furious at both of us.. but at the same time I feel so guilty for not saying anything..
    I don't know what to do, because I can just see him flipping out knowing that his best mate and his gf have slept together, tbh anyone would..
    Any advice?:L
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    can't wait for the best man speech at the wedding
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    You can tell him and he will flip out for you lying in 1st place
    or
    you can leave it and hope he never finds out - the only way he'd find out is if his best friend tells him, right?
    So personally I'd go for option 2 + you don't own anything to him so you didn't even have to comment on your sex life at all really...
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    See this is what I hate about relationships. Why can't people just be honest with each other and tell them things that can/will affect their relationship? If you just answered his question honestly, you wouldn't be in this position feeling sh*tty, would you? Figure it out on your own, and learn from your mistakes. It's a good job mistakes are supposed to be silly, so if you do something like this again then you're just plain silly and don't deserve being in a relationship. Damn.

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    You have two choices.

    1) Tell him and risk the end of your relationship.
    2) Keeping it a secret and risking him dumping you anyway when you've lied your whole relationship.

    Even though it doesn't sound like you've said you were a virgin when you got with your boyfriend; you didn't deny it, which is as bad as lying. He's been mislead, and he probably would have been fine with you not being a virgin, if you had just been honest.

    If you respect him then you'll come out with the whole truth.
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    Just tell him. Sooner the better. How will you be able to survive with that guilt of lying? Even if he dumps you, at least you are guilt-free.
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    Keep quiet and put it in the past. It probably won't come out. It's not a crime, these things happen. You will either split up with your bf and it won't matter or the relationship will become longer term and then he'd probably accept it if it did come to light - hopefully not at the wedding reception
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    He'll be more likely to leave you when he finds out you've been lying to him the whole time. Just tell the truth.
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    Tell the truth. At least then you have the chance to regain some of that dignity you lost when you lied to him. You don't want to risk his best friend getting pissed one day and telling him. Do it on your terms so that you can view yourself with a clear conscience, even if it means getting dumped.

    Right now, your relationship is based on lies and those type of relationships don't last long.
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    I wouldn't trouble the water by telling, like you said it was before him. As long as there's no temptation of going back to his best friend and you don't see him in that way any more then no harm.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, hear me out - I didn't cheat or anything. Basically I've been with my bf for around 8/9 months now, however he thinks I was a virgin before him.. But the truth is, I wasn't. Before I was with him, I had a 'thing' with his best friend.. we both decided not to mentioned it to him as frankly I'm scared it will destroy the whole relationship as it's his best friend and I think his trust for me will just go.. I didn't say anything when we first started going out, because it was his best friend and I didn't even know how serious the relationship was going to get, so I panicked when he asked about previous relationship stuff and said I'd never had done anything like that (which I now realise was a mistake) and since then I can't go back on what I said, so it's just got out of proportion... I know I didn't cheat and it was before I was with him, but still.. I don't know what to do. I have no feelings for his best friend whatsoever, and would never go there, and I care about my boyfriend so much, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll feel uncomfortable when he's around either of us, and he'll be furious at both of us.. but at the same time I feel so guilty for not saying anything..
    I don't know what to do, because I can just see him flipping out knowing that his best mate and his gf have slept together, tbh anyone would..
    Any advice?:L
    You soooo should have told him in the beginning, you dragged it way too much.
    erm, you should tell him. He will find out eventually and he should know before you get even more serious. He may not even mind, since it happened before you guys got together. He may appreciate your honesty, but the longer you leave it, the worse it'll get.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, hear me out - I didn't cheat or anything. Basically I've been with my bf for around 8/9 months now, however he thinks I was a virgin before him.. But the truth is, I wasn't. Before I was with him, I had a 'thing' with his best friend.. we both decided not to mentioned it to him as frankly I'm scared it will destroy the whole relationship as it's his best friend and I think his trust for me will just go.. I didn't say anything when we first started going out, because it was his best friend and I didn't even know how serious the relationship was going to get, so I panicked when he asked about previous relationship stuff and said I'd never had done anything like that (which I now realise was a mistake) and since then I can't go back on what I said, so it's just got out of proportion... I know I didn't cheat and it was before I was with him, but still.. I don't know what to do. I have no feelings for his best friend whatsoever, and would never go there, and I care about my boyfriend so much, but I'm scared that if he finds out he'll feel uncomfortable when he's around either of us, and he'll be furious at both of us.. but at the same time I feel so guilty for not saying anything..
    I don't know what to do, because I can just see him flipping out knowing that his best mate and his gf have slept together, tbh anyone would..
    Any advice?:L
    You shouldn't have lied, you could have said you've done things but not said who. However, you didn't cheat and this was before the relationship - he does not have the right to know. Anything before the relationship is private to you and you don't have to tell him anything. At all. Regardless of what people say. The past is in the past and everybody has kept at least something quiet about the past.

    I was in the same position and a few months later told my boyfriend that I had slept with my friend when we were on a break. No cheating and he also slept with someone on a break and had cheated on me twice at that point (with my best friends, I must add).

    He freaked out. He ended up cutting himself and sending me the pictures. Saying 'this is on your head' and stuff.

    I think you should carry on with your life. The past is in the past and it shouldn't affect your future. Try not to lie again.


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    His gf and his best friend? That's got to hurt...
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    If i were him id be pissed off that i had been waiting 9 month and you shagged my mate wothout being in a proper relationship. Not saying that its right to feel this way but expect that kind of attitude.
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    To the OP though, yes lying was a stupid idea. On the other hand, you haven't actually done anything wrong (except for lying, that is.) Assuming your boyfriend isn't a massive Drama King, he might be upset for a while but telling him shouldn't end your relationship.
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    The truth always comes out in the end.

    You had the chance to say something before but delayed it and now you're having this issue creep up on you again. I think you should just tell him. Obviously, it is not going to be easy but it's better to do it now rather than delaying it. Just be honest with him and tell him why you kept it from him i.e. you were scared and didn't want things to be awkward. However, now you realise that you made a mistake and that's why you're telling him.

    The easy option would be to keep quiet but given my opening line it would only be a matter of time until he found out.

    In short, clear your conscience and get it out. Yeah he will be annoyed however, you've been together for quite sometime. He should be able to see that the only guy you have feelings for is him and his best friend is no longer relevant. IF he understands that all your attention is on him and his best friend is insignificant I think it will hurt him less.

    Worst case scenario he breaks up with you but even if you kept it a secret when he finds out (And trust me he will) you could also face the same fate. Given you haven't cheated on him though and haven't really done anything terribly wrong I feel this outcome is unlikely?
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    If this guilt is eating you up, then you need to be totally honest with him. It was in the past - whether it was with his friend or not. I am sure he has a few things in his past that he is probably hiding? Regardless - if you feel that you need to tell him, then tell him. Apologise for lying, be upfront and face the consequences that may come your way. It will be a weight lifted off your shoulders and you will not have to feel guilty about it any more.
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    Tell him. I've had things hidden from me at the start of relationships and when I found out it broke me down like nothing else ever has.
    • #2
    #2

    Ehh all those threads about lying girlfriends….am I seriously the only one to tell my bf my whole sex history just so he knows what hes going for?
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    just tell him the truth. he will stay if he is yours. you have to establish trust in your relationship since it all happened before you met your boyfriend.

    cheers
 
 
 
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