Dumping girlfriend tomorrow, never actually done it this way before, tips?

yeah, i would no question about it. and fall in love? you're doing it again! when did i say i was in love?! i made this thread for tips in the matter because i don't want to upset her in the slightest but i haven't got a choice, i've been an amazing boyfriend to her and shes been an amazing girlfriend back but i cant stay with her.

you talk about respect when you insult and ridicule me over breaking up with a girl like you've known me for years. funny...

i'm going to try and soften the blow. she knows i've got to move away but i just don't want her to think its her fault..

I don't get why people are getting up on their high horses over a lad wanting to break up with someone on good terms. It sounds like he's in his early 20s and has his life ahead of him so how is it fair for him to sacrifice everything for a girl who will likely leave at some point anyway since he's apparently her first.

The way I see it, it's much better to break up nicely in this way and for both to go their separate ways than for this lad to kid himself that it will work (it won't) and end up cheating on her causing a proper situation. Get a grip you gang of weirdos it's only been 5 months for God sake you act like he's been in love with her for years. Get over yourselves not everyone wants to be clingy, intrusive and unrealistic in SHORT TERM relationships. Ta, Rant over.

That's cool, at least she knows you're moving away so it won't be a complete shock to her. I can see that you're not trying to callously dump her and you care enough to not want to hurt her. Sadly, if your heart isn't in it with LDR, the best thing for both of you in the long term is to end it - no point dragging it for no reason. Good luck with everything

Omg I never usually post but these replies have been awful.. So distorted lol

I think you have the right approach. Maybe mention it's better to call it off now then wait for a bitter end which seems likely if you think it will go that way ( ie being one half of that relationship). SHe will need time to process as it may be out of nowhere considering you said its been going well so answer any questions she may have, be honest and then do the no contact thing for a while as any communication may give the wrong message.

So in short be honest and direct. Good luck.

M'kay?! Why make it tougher on the girl by manipulating her? That sounds abusive, quite frankly.

What if the girl counters with the obvious point that their situation isn't quite the apples-to-apples comparison of the OP's friends failing with their respective partners at LDR, because they are not the friends and their partners? Quite frankly, I have more respect for the friends that actually gave it a shot, and failed, then I do for the OP.

I don't get why people are getting up on their high horses over a lad wanting to break up with someone on good terms. It sounds like he's in his early 20s and has his life ahead of him so how is it fair for him to sacrifice everything for a girl who will likely leave at some point anyway since he's apparently her first.

The way I see it, it's much better to break up nicely in this way and for both tgo their separate ways than for this lad to kid himself that it will work (it won't) and end up cheating on her causing a proper situation. Get a grip you gang of weirdos it's only been 5 months for God sake you act like he's been in love with her for years. Get over yourselves not everyone wants to be clingy, intrusive and unrealistic in SHORT TERM relationships. Ta, Rant over.

Thank god someone else thinks this too, I was starting to feel like a weirdo reading all the emphasis on forcing it to work

yeah, i would no question about it. and fall in love? you're doing it again! when did i say i was in love?! i made this thread for tips in the matter because i don't want to upset her in the slightest but i haven't got a choice, i've been an amazing boyfriend to her and shes been an amazing girlfriend back but i cant stay with her.

Tbh the only reason people are giving you crap is simply because you're her first boyfriend.. Meaning you're her first experience of men. You'll be her first everything so that means she's more attached to you, maybe more than you are to her. Like they say "you never forget your first love" so no matter what you say or do she's going to be hurt. And please stop complaining "oh it's been 5 months" .. For someone who's never been in a relationship 5 months is a long time, and if you meet someone special you can get quickly attached especially if it's your first lover.

I think you should just tell her the truth. Because no matter if you sugar coat it or not she's going to be pissed and hurt a lot. So just tell her how you don't think it will work because you'll be gone for a long time, you've seen others fail at LDR so you don't want to try. Make sure you mention that because it may give her hope when she digests what's going on. But one thing for definite you must blame yourself because it's more your fault than hers.

Thank god someone else thinks this too, I was starting to feel like a weirdo reading all the emphasis on forcing it to work

Mate these have got to be trolls - you made yourself perfectly clear. I'd just not respond to them.

Tell her it's not about her, it's about the circumstances. Focus on the fact that it's long distance, that you're both young, that it wouldn't be fair on her and that it's much better to end it now on good terms.

I didn't read all the comments but I don't understand how forcing things to work would be good for the girl? It would just be one-sided and it will most likely end bitterly as opposed to potential good terms lol

I also don't get how people want him to be harshly blunt with her, how would that be good for her state of mind? Could potentially break her.

yeah, i know. thing is, i bet some of them arent trolls, and thats just kinda sad init. And this is really good advice, i don't want to make her cry though. its gonna be so hard.

But he already made his mind I just giving him the straight to the point suggestion its his decision which to choose which to leave

The 'manipulate her' part of your advice was...well...hurtful. Explaining to her why a LDR couldn't work based on this, that and the other, is useful as part of a conversation, as part of a mutually-respectable breakup, but 'manipulating her' will end in tears. It's too unilateral.

Frankly, if I was a girl, starting a first time relationship, and my boyfriend said, "Well, I don't want to be with you, because I'm moving away -- but it's okay because a bunch of my friends tried it and failed," I'd be majorly p***ed off and very upset, quite frankly:

1. Because, he wasn't willing to give it a chance. He's making an important decision based on his friends. Not all people are cut out for an LDR of course, but every relationship that has ever been in existence was based on the premise that people thought it could work out, right?
2. first experience of love/relationships
3. it just seems out of nowhere. Rushed even. Why couldn't he speak to me, and talk it through. Does he care about me? Why doesn't he want to be even friends? I thought the relationship was so good. "It's been five months" "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEEEEEEE!" etc.
4. Well, it's a long time until he has to be away for 'all summer,' why does he have to dump me now...that sucks. etc.

FWIW, for the OP, it's not going to be easy, and I'd rather he was up front and honest. I do respect that. No point dragging out something when his heart is isn't in it. So there is a chance it may not hurt her that much, considering that. However, it just seems...a surprise out of nowhere that has the chance to result in a very messy breakup for all concerned. There's no easy way to do this -- which is why I have generally asked the OP to refrain from being so headstrong with a "I WILL DUMP HER TOMORROW" etc attitude and to reconsider. Just like there has to be a lot of thought, energy and devotion in a relationship, the ending of said relationship needs some care. I appreciate that the OP doesn't want to hurt the girl, but at the same time, there are so many ways this can get real ugly fast.

EDIT: if the OP and the TSR community that I'm really being harsh, I'm playing a bit of Devil's Advocate here. It's all well and good giving the OP advice on how to end this relationship, based on the fact that he's moving away etc. but I've been trying to point out some of the ways that this could get ugly, with unforeseen consequences. I've not been in this sort of situation, and sure, it's going to be ugly, but the OP asked for tips. One tip would be to talk to his girlfriend and not be rash, and suddenly I'm trolling? Okay...

Just say something along the lines of
"you know I'm moving away and how much I care about you but I can't see us working in long distance relationship. I don't want you to feel bad because you've done nothing wrong. I just wanna say how it's unlikely it will work and that I don't want to keep you in a relationship which is going to be doomed from the minute I leave. I want you to experience the best in life and unfortunately I'm unable to give that to you. I'm glad I could spend these last few months with someone as beautiful and smart as you and I really hope you can forgive me."

Ta da. And everyone is getting overly emotional over a 5 month relationship. If he breaks up and she was perfect he's going to beat himself over it but he's ultimately made his choice.

Posted from TSR Mobile