Sixth form, Depression and Anxiety.
Hey everyone, I am making this post because I really feel like I'm at a point where I NEED someone to listen, someone to give me advice. I'm completely stuck in a rut and I have no clue what to do next.
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to
Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to.
I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something.. If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou 
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to
Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something..
If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou (edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hey everyone, I am making this post because I really feel like I'm at a point where I NEED someone to listen, someone to give me advice. I'm completely stuck in a rut and I have no clue what to do next.
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to.
I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something.. If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to
Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something..
If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou Hi There My Friend,
I do sympathise with you, often strenuous moments are difficult, but one must carry on going and overcome this obstacle. Just imagine, 20 years down the line you look back on this moment and record it as a factor which has made the you strong and determined person you are. Often in times of great despair great characters are determined. But also, warriors are born.
You are not alone, we are all in this, together as a collective unit, there's always other options available, ALWAYS.
Regards - Gunnarsunn.
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Definitely go back to sixth form next year! think about it this way, everyone has to go through the same educational experiences, and most people have their own problems too, you would be surprised. But think about your future and how important getting your a levels done is.
Just focus on your work and find friends that support you and make you laugh, try and make an effort to make these friends. Remember you aren't alone, there are many other people just like you dealing with this but you have to have the strength to overcome your emotions and just power through sixth form.
You are in control of your future, don't waste another opportunity like this, you don't want to have regrets.
If everyone else can do it, so can you!
Hope I could help
Just focus on your work and find friends that support you and make you laugh, try and make an effort to make these friends. Remember you aren't alone, there are many other people just like you dealing with this but you have to have the strength to overcome your emotions and just power through sixth form.
You are in control of your future, don't waste another opportunity like this, you don't want to have regrets.
If everyone else can do it, so can you!
Hope I could help
I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body
Sounds like depresonalization disorder.
Sounds like depresonalization disorder.
It actually made me feel sad reading that. I'm not qualified to tell you the right way to deal with your situation or whatever but I just want to tell you that one day you will wake up happy. You will meet so many people who will change your life, you will have something to look forward to, everything falls into place in the end! Your body loves you so much and fights for you to stay alive everyday, you need to look after it. Look into some kind of physical activity, maybe running, meditation, dancing?! It's supposed to be really good at clearing your mind, it's good for you too. Go out and meet new people, find a hobby, something to occupy you! This isn't permanent, you've still got so much of your life to live, try to reinvent your mind, find a way to concentrate on your school work and then you're out! I can't really think of anything to say to make you feel better right now but I'm here if you want to talk x
xhi hun
I have been in a similar position to yourself. From what you've said it may be an idea to go to a walk in centre for advice. They may be able to prescribe you some sort of therapy or tablets. Because you've said you have tried to commit suicide before I think it would be better to seek help. Rather you not get your dream job but at least you'll be alive. It can get better hun. I'll be thinking of you, hope you get it sorted.
I have been in a similar position to yourself. From what you've said it may be an idea to go to a walk in centre for advice. They may be able to prescribe you some sort of therapy or tablets. Because you've said you have tried to commit suicide before I think it would be better to seek help. Rather you not get your dream job but at least you'll be alive. It can get better hun. I'll be thinking of you, hope you get it sorted.
You have mentioned so many things here and they are unfragmented. That means you are worrying.
Worry is a good thing when you stop, isolate each thought that you worry about and decide what to do about it.
I am not able to see any complete decision making for you in your explanation of how you feel.
Can I try to help??
Grab a sheet of paper
On each sheet, write down only one of each of the issues you mentioned above and each issue you remember.
Now go back to each sheet, on each sheet, write down how each single issue has affected you, how it makes you feel, why it makes you feel that way and if it happened to a friend or sister or brother of yours; what you would suggest they do.
This step means you are rationalising the issues and setting out possible solutions or options.
Do that for each issue, you will find some issues you feel the solution is to tell someone else like your parents or friends who are still in your circle how their actions have hurt you.
Then move to restitution
Restitution means that you need to take back ownership of your life and take it back from these issues. It is your life.
It means that you need another sheet of paper where you write down what you want to be and what you want to do in the next week on one sheet, the next month on another, the next 3 months on another and the next year in another until you hit a half decade. Some people call it the 5 year plan.
Now go back to the sheets with your issues.
on each plan eg 1 week plan, write down the issues that are hindering you from or may hinder that plan and prevent its success.
Then comes decision and complete restitution.
Look closely at the issue, in your mind read it all and take it in, tell that issue that it is not going to rule you because!
aha, you have a plan that is bigger than that issue and a solution that you can effect.
Then look at yourself.
Grab a shower and look in the mirror.
If you have two eyes, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two legs a body, a nose, mouth etc. look at all of them
Go back to your room/living area
Write down all the parts of your body you noticed were there and complete.
then on each paper note down what you are unhappy about regarding each body part.
Then close your eyes.
Imagine your life without each body part....
That is a frightening prospect..... it means you can now grab a new sheet of paper to write down your GRATITUDES
I am thankful that I can read, see, eat, walk, talk, etc
Now armed with the knowledge that you have fully functional facilities and or functional body parts that allow you enough comfort to go from day to day....
Go back to the plan for next week
then take another sheet of paper and write out your gratitudes for the next weeek, your issues which you have just found real solutions and reasons to move on from for next week, your reasons for focussing on next week from your plan sheet and your restitution and restoration decisions because it is your life, it is your body, it is your mind, your soul, your spirit and it is one thing always. Beautiful, Intelligent, Sensible, Focussed, Able, Capable, Smart, Confident and you just proved it after all you wrote all that down.
Healing comes from within.
it does not mean that you will come out completely happy, it means you will learn to put each bad experience in a box because you can and close that box and sign it off as closed so you can go out there and be who you want to be.
I can sense it in you and I know you can too... because as you have been reading you have been thinking too haven't you.
You are a very special person and no one can take that away from you and the world will not get better if you are not there, you have a purpose, it is to make a difference and the best of your life.
It is to find yourself and love yourself
it is to shake away anything holding you back
by being happy about the gratitude you have and optimistic about your plans whilst being objective about your decisions and exerting assertion about the great and positive choices you just made.
Live and Love you and let your life love you back... then go out into the world and take it by storm....
you have so much so so much to give.....
and a tree to plant because you just wrote all that on at least one sapling and it needs time for you to visit it and see it grow..... no??
Worry is a good thing when you stop, isolate each thought that you worry about and decide what to do about it.
I am not able to see any complete decision making for you in your explanation of how you feel.
Can I try to help??
Grab a sheet of paper
On each sheet, write down only one of each of the issues you mentioned above and each issue you remember.
Now go back to each sheet, on each sheet, write down how each single issue has affected you, how it makes you feel, why it makes you feel that way and if it happened to a friend or sister or brother of yours; what you would suggest they do.
This step means you are rationalising the issues and setting out possible solutions or options.
Do that for each issue, you will find some issues you feel the solution is to tell someone else like your parents or friends who are still in your circle how their actions have hurt you.
Then move to restitution
Restitution means that you need to take back ownership of your life and take it back from these issues. It is your life.
It means that you need another sheet of paper where you write down what you want to be and what you want to do in the next week on one sheet, the next month on another, the next 3 months on another and the next year in another until you hit a half decade. Some people call it the 5 year plan.
Now go back to the sheets with your issues.
on each plan eg 1 week plan, write down the issues that are hindering you from or may hinder that plan and prevent its success.
Then comes decision and complete restitution.
Look closely at the issue, in your mind read it all and take it in, tell that issue that it is not going to rule you because!
aha, you have a plan that is bigger than that issue and a solution that you can effect.
Then look at yourself.
Grab a shower and look in the mirror.
If you have two eyes, two arms, ten fingers, ten toes, two legs a body, a nose, mouth etc. look at all of them
Go back to your room/living area
Write down all the parts of your body you noticed were there and complete.
then on each paper note down what you are unhappy about regarding each body part.
Then close your eyes.
Imagine your life without each body part....
That is a frightening prospect..... it means you can now grab a new sheet of paper to write down your GRATITUDES
I am thankful that I can read, see, eat, walk, talk, etc
Now armed with the knowledge that you have fully functional facilities and or functional body parts that allow you enough comfort to go from day to day....
Go back to the plan for next week
then take another sheet of paper and write out your gratitudes for the next weeek, your issues which you have just found real solutions and reasons to move on from for next week, your reasons for focussing on next week from your plan sheet and your restitution and restoration decisions because it is your life, it is your body, it is your mind, your soul, your spirit and it is one thing always. Beautiful, Intelligent, Sensible, Focussed, Able, Capable, Smart, Confident and you just proved it after all you wrote all that down.
Healing comes from within.
it does not mean that you will come out completely happy, it means you will learn to put each bad experience in a box because you can and close that box and sign it off as closed so you can go out there and be who you want to be.
I can sense it in you and I know you can too... because as you have been reading you have been thinking too haven't you.
You are a very special person and no one can take that away from you and the world will not get better if you are not there, you have a purpose, it is to make a difference and the best of your life.
It is to find yourself and love yourself
it is to shake away anything holding you back
by being happy about the gratitude you have and optimistic about your plans whilst being objective about your decisions and exerting assertion about the great and positive choices you just made.
Live and Love you and let your life love you back... then go out into the world and take it by storm....
you have so much so so much to give.....
and a tree to plant because you just wrote all that on at least one sapling and it needs time for you to visit it and see it grow..... no??
Original post by Anonymous
Hey everyone, I am making this post because I really feel like I'm at a point where I NEED someone to listen, someone to give me advice. I'm completely stuck in a rut and I have no clue what to do next.
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to.
I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something.. If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to
Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something..
If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou I was depressed when I started in a different school's sixth form in september 2014. From the second day, I knew I didn't fit in and that was when I first cried.
Being in any social situation made me so anxious, sometimes, I would even have panic attacks anticipating sitting with a big group at lunch or break. I was used to the small group I had in yr 10 to yr 11 and I couldn't adjust well. So I just stopped trying to sit with people, unless someone asked me to. I walked alone, just me and my music.
I would spend most of time outside of lesson, outside of school. I I don't think it was allowed but I always sneaked out during my study breaks to the park only dog walkers went to close by and just sit on the grass till I had to go. I did this for my lunch and break as well. When I went back to school, I would take side doors so no one would see me. I spent my time running and avoiding everyone.
Throughout all of this, I hated myself so much for being afraid, for being pathetic and running away like a coward. I thought about suicide more times than I can count and how people would react if I died. I missed so may days off in that first half term section. I could not focus on my work because of my inner conflicts and me missing a lot of lessons. I cried almost everyday as a result.
In the first week after the october half term, I started going to the cemetary close to my school and I'd walk around looking for where my grave would be. Crying bitter tears. Then after I was done crying, I'd just sit on the bench for hours, 3 hours at most. Then I left to go back to school and acted like nothing happened. This same week was the week I unscrewed the blade from a sharpener.
At the end of that week, I realised that I couldn't carry on with what I was doing cuz it would end up killing me, I knew that for a fact. I didn't know what to do. I then looked up homeschooling and I found out that I could self teach my AS levels and take my exams privately.
The next week, I went in on the Monday and I wasn't sad for the first time in months. I just kinda felt empty, I didn't have to carry on anymore. When I got home, I begged my mum to let me self teach and I showed her everything I'd be doing. I never told her about the depression and everything, just that I couldnt focus in school. She agreed to let me self teach.The next day, she went to the school and said I wasn't coming back. Ive not gone to school since 18th November 2014.
Im taking all my exams now privately, im a lot happier than I was 6 months ago and im hopeful for the future. You could look into it. Or see if your sixth form will let you take your exams there because they're offering you a place for September.
My advice, is to not put yourself through constant stress and depression if there are other ways to avoid it.
Good luck on your life
Hi
I'm suffering with a similar problem myself. I'm in year 13 and about to take my a-levels. I started to notice that i was getting anxious about going in to school towards the end of year 11, certainly at the beginning of college. I just carried on with everything until late last year when i missed a bus into college (bear in mind they were every 20 mins and could have caught another one) and i burst into tears and could not stop crying. That was the point when i realised that this wasn't normal and needed some help. I had already been made aware of the college counselling service, but decided to get in touch with a local NHS service and had phone consultations that didn't really help (it didn't help that talking on the phone terrified me!) so they referred me to high intensity therapy which i still attend now. I find it so helpful because i can see my therapist as and when i need to and we talk through issues i have had in the past week and try and figure out a trigger and also how i can try to make sure this doesn't happen.
Avoiding this issue isn't going to make it go away or get better, on the contrary make it worse. I wouldn't be here today about to take 4 A levels if i hadn't have gotten help when I did.
If you don't want to do this there are plenty of websites you can use (www.getselfhelp.co.uk is very good). i find recording things helps because i can see what days or weeks were worse than others and see if there is a pattern or reason for this. I also found that trying to identify the original trigger helped me. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy the summer before i started secondary school, suddenly when everyone else was starting to gain independence i was smothered in bubble wrap unable to go anywhere on my own. I got used to this but when i was stabilised a few years later and could go places on my own again i got really scared about it all in case something happened to me.
if you could find your trigger i'm sure that could also help.
Please don't just ignore it, it won't help. Even just using the websites will help!
Good Luck!
I'm suffering with a similar problem myself. I'm in year 13 and about to take my a-levels. I started to notice that i was getting anxious about going in to school towards the end of year 11, certainly at the beginning of college. I just carried on with everything until late last year when i missed a bus into college (bear in mind they were every 20 mins and could have caught another one) and i burst into tears and could not stop crying. That was the point when i realised that this wasn't normal and needed some help. I had already been made aware of the college counselling service, but decided to get in touch with a local NHS service and had phone consultations that didn't really help (it didn't help that talking on the phone terrified me!) so they referred me to high intensity therapy which i still attend now. I find it so helpful because i can see my therapist as and when i need to and we talk through issues i have had in the past week and try and figure out a trigger and also how i can try to make sure this doesn't happen.
Avoiding this issue isn't going to make it go away or get better, on the contrary make it worse. I wouldn't be here today about to take 4 A levels if i hadn't have gotten help when I did.
If you don't want to do this there are plenty of websites you can use (www.getselfhelp.co.uk is very good). i find recording things helps because i can see what days or weeks were worse than others and see if there is a pattern or reason for this. I also found that trying to identify the original trigger helped me. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy the summer before i started secondary school, suddenly when everyone else was starting to gain independence i was smothered in bubble wrap unable to go anywhere on my own. I got used to this but when i was stabilised a few years later and could go places on my own again i got really scared about it all in case something happened to me.
if you could find your trigger i'm sure that could also help.
Please don't just ignore it, it won't help. Even just using the websites will help!
Good Luck!
I understand you want to have a career in the RAF and that depression on your medical record will stop that happening - but your mental health must come first! I wish I'd taken the chance to get help when I had it (my parents realised I needed help after finding I had been self harming) but I talked my way out of it as I thought it would stop me from getting into the career I wanted. I was so wrong to base my decision on that. I'm in a really low point and I keep wishing I could get help. Of course the lows pass, but if you don't want them to come back again and again you need to find someone professional who can diagnose you, get you the right prescriptions and therapy etc. It seems like there's a lot of repressed trauma that needs alleviating. And I really hate to be the one to say this but if you leave your depression untreated then it's likely it'll get picked up by the RAF when you apply anyway. There are so many different and exciting prospects out there for you that it's not worth risking your wellbeing and even life to focus on one goal. I wish someone had said this to me when I had the chance to get help, but now my parents think I'm fine and if I was to get help then they'd hate the fact I lied to them by saying I was okay.
Stay strong <3
Stay strong <3
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
What is it you want to do in the RAF and can it be down in the civilian world?
What is it you want to do in the RAF and can it be down in the civilian world?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey everyone, I am making this post because I really feel like I'm at a point where I NEED someone to listen, someone to give me advice. I'm completely stuck in a rut and I have no clue what to do next.
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to.
I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something.. If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou
I am 17 years old and *technically* in year 12 and (was) doing Maths, Physics, Chemistry and German A-levels. Ever since I began high school in year 7, (11 years old) I have been depressed. That was definitely the beginning of my depression.. it took quite a long time for me to fall into a really low point, almost a year actually. And at the time, I was so young that I just accepted how I felt as completely normal. I thought it was normal to come home and cry, to come home and want to kill myself. It wasn't until i reached my second year of high school that I noticed all my happy friends surrounding me, everyone laughing, whilst I was left alone and isolated inside. I believe many things have lead me to be this way.. parents divorce, grandparent dying, being physically and emotionally abused by both parents, having my needs neglected as a child, the passing of a friend (19 years old) via cancer, the passing of my cousin due to a drug spike. There's endless things, I genuinely question how I am still here after all of this. During year 7-year 9, I was extremely depressed. Nobody knew. The only person who knew was my brother (younger by 2 years) when he found me attempting to commit suicide. We were both so young that it was just deemed a secret between us and nothing was said to anyone. I had two courses of counseling in these years, however this was just because my mother thought it would be good for us (she had absolutely no idea how I was feeling) and really, it was a way of getting back at my father, playing the 'you've upset the kids' card, you know? By year 10, I started to enjoy my life, I had a good set of friends (well.. what I thought were good friends) and all was good. That was the first time I felt different, I no longer felt like I was in a deep depression at this point. I always pinpoint how I feel to the year 8 and 9 of school, because I know that I could never ever possibly feel lower like I did in those years. Everything was good in year 10, until the summer, I began to self harm, alot. This has continued till this day.. it's been a long process but now I am at the lowest I could possibly feel. I feel completely numb of all emotions, it is so hard to explain, I constantly feel this surreal feeling like it's not myself in my own body. I am completely stuck, I feel like im trapped in a dark cave and I do not know where to go next....
... This falls into place with college. When i started sixth form in September 2014, all was great! I felt like I belonged there.. but boy was I so wrong! Because I was self harming so often, it alleviated so much of the pain I had become oblivious to. Self harming was such a release that I didn't actually realize how low I was, if that makes sense? However, with multiple things such as my home life, health issues, falling back on work due to my health issues.. I fell back into my depression. And cut a long story short, in February of this year, I just stopped going to college completely. I would go in for a lesson once every two weeks.. but honestly, I would get up in the morning and have a panic attack and throw up just at the thought of going. Some days I would force myself to get ready, and as soon as I tried to leave the door it would make me sick with anxiety, it was just too much, I couldn't face it. I knew I started to dislike college by mid-october/beginning of November, however I chose to ignore this. Due to my lack of attendance at the sixth form, it resulted in a number of meetings with the head, in which recently (last Tues) it was decided I would be withdrawn from the exams. In these meetings, the head told me he knew I was depressed, I didn't even have to let the words come out of my mouth. The way I walked, the way I talked, looked etc. just looked so unhappy he said. He came up with a number of suggestions e.g. go to the doctor and get a part time job. I have considered these both.. however I really don't want to go to the doctor because if depression is on my medical records it means I cant join the RAF (my dream career), but then again I feel so desperate that I think should I just go? I just don't know what to do! I got a part time job in the chip shop, and even the boss there commented how unhappy I look, I try and smile as much as I can but they all can see straight through it, I just can't fake a smile like I used to
Working there seems to be making my head worse, it's just making me fall deeper and deeper into this depression. The sixth form have offered me a place again in September, however I doubt I will go, as I believe it was been a big stimulus towards how I feel, (look at other options such as local college, other sixth form), although, at the moment I don't even feel prepared for September. I am completely at rock bottom, I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. I hope someone can help me, give me advice or something..
If there's questions just pop them below and I'll answer, because there might be a few potholes in what I just wrote. Thankyou sorry to hear u've been through so much, don't give up at all..one of my friends currently going through this...talk to someone u know who will listen to u don't keep it bottled up the more u do the more u will feel terrible at it..try something new such as ur favorite hobby? new language this way u will meet new people from different backgrounds? sports, yoga to help u release stress keep u calm
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