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Feeling really low, huge argument with best friend and flatmate watch

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    • Thread Starter

    Hi all,

    I am 22 and in my final year of uni. Met a girl on my course on our first day at uni four year ago, and we clicked from the beginning. Have lived together since second year (with a wider group of people) and basically I would consider her to be my best friend. We've been there for each other through lots of things and I thought were able to tell each other anything (we have until now). We have a wider group of close uni friends and obviously I have my own home etc friends, but essentially have spent a lot of time together over the years.

    Anyway, I've been living with her since Sep 2014. This worked well as we do both have other interests and other friends so despite being on the same course/living together it was never too overwhelming. Her boyfriend moved to this country to be with her a couple of months later (the plan was always for us to live as just a two but I was happy for him to stay at the flat until he got established...). He ended up living with us from mid Nov to mid Jan. He then moved out but still spent almost every night sleeping at the house.

    I accepted this arrangement although I did privately think they were slightly taking the piss. Spoke to her a couple of times about this in a really fair way e.g. saying that I liked him, he was great but we did always agree to be a 2 and after all he did have his own house - could she stay at his more? She stayed at his once the whole time. I eventually accepted things - no-one's perfect after all!

    What rankled was that he never contributed to bills or rent. Anyway, over the easter hols, she gave him her key to the flat so he 'could collect his shirts for work'. He lives five mins down the road, for context. I thought this was fishy (suggested he was sleeping over without her there) but decided not to make it into a huge deal as we had final year exams coming up and didn't need the stress.

    Ultimately things came to a head when I arrived back to the house and he slept over without her there. They both had different reasons for why he was doing this. I got quite angry (first time ever!!!!) and basically said that it wasn't fair and what was going on?? Did they have a reason for it? She shut the issue down saying she didn't want to discuss it!

    Anyway to cut a long story short, she moved back into the house a week or two ago and has been trying to act like it's no big deal. Has been very nice to me (as always)... I basically cracked tonight and said I had been trying to keep it calm due to exams but now we just had to talk about it... I asked why she thought it was okay for him to sleep there without her there, and for them both to give me different reasons. She basically said it was fine because what bother was it to me? He was only using her room after all. She can't see my POV at all....

    I'm really down, got quite upset with her and said she wasn't being fair at all. How would she feel if I gave my key to a friend who she doesn't know and did the same to her? She said it would have been fine... Obviously she is being quite unreasonable (isn't she??) but I just want some support on how to handle this. I cried and basically calmly left the place we were in (we were having an evening out to celebrate finishing an exam today but I just couldn't take it anymore, wanted to clear the air... Admit it wasn't my finest moment but I just needed to get it out). Have said I need time to think and obviously our friendship wasn't what I though it was.

    Just need a hand-hold really, I don't know if I'm being unfair... I really think I've been so fair though, I've given them full use of the flat in hols, he hasn't had to pay a penny of rent... I've been taken for massive ride haven't I

    I think that it is alright for housemates to have friends/partners/whatever over to stay etc but if they are constantly over at the house and it's almost as if they live in the house as well, then they should be able to contribute to the rent if anything.

    From what I see in your post, it does look like he is taking advantage of the fact he doesn't have to pay a penny to stay in that house especially since he has his own... If they are both really adamant that nothing is wrong the I definitely would suggest he help out with rent and bills because that's just not fair and he is leaching off you both and suggest that net time, all three of you move in somewhere together if it looks like he wants to stay so much.

    Maybe you can talk to your friend about this and suggest it to her? I mean she would be getting something out of it as well since the bills would be split between 3 people instead of 2.

    I hope it all goes well!
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