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A close friend of mine wants to rekindle our friendship, should I forgive and forget? watch

  • View Poll Results: Should I forgive and forget?
    yeah water under the bridge
    2
    33.33%
    No, she's a bad friend
    4
    66.67%

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    To cut a long (and emotional, at least for me) story short my ex-BFF randomly contacted me yesterday and we chatted on skype for about 3 hours like old times but after the conversation I found myself ashamed of forgiving her for cutting ALL contact with me about 7 months ago. She admits that she was a bad friend and she wants to take responsibility for drifting apart yet I can't bring myself to forgive her.

    She invited me to her house on Saturday for a house party she's hosting (her parents are out on a business trip) and our mutual friends will be there should I even entertain her?
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    I don't know what she did to you, but you'll find yourself being hung up about it and have it get you down a lot more if you're holding grudges and things. Forgive and try to forget I say.
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    (Original post by jackhaugh)
    I don't know what she did to you, but you'll find yourself being hung up about it and have it get you down a lot more if you're holding grudges and things. Forgive and try to forget I say.
    She didn't really do anything to me. She just cut me out of her life completely. Wouldn't respond on facebook, skype, phonecalls...you name it. We live in different cities but we've remained friends for since secondary school. When I asked why she wouldn't respond she downplayed it as her being annoyed about something (she maintains she can't remember what the thing was since we haven't talked in 7 months) but I'm not buying. She also explained that she's really bad with keeping contact with people and that her own siblings and her don't even talk much.
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    I forgave my 4 year best friend 5 times. And these times were critical ones, not your casual "arguments".
    Put my story of her in a spoiler because it's only to give an overview of what kind of friend she was.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    She was very much a drama queen and knew how to scare the hell out of her parents if they didn't give her much attention. My problem was not getting anything "morally benefic" out of her, but having her parents on my head whenever she did something stupid about which I had no idea in the first place.
    The last incident happened when I returned home for the easter break and she had a scene because her ex was there too. She gave little to no damn about how uncomfortable I was feeling (wasn't even expecting it- even though I was surrounded by people she knew and not me) but she didn't even want to let me help her.

    I ignored that but apparently she cut me off facebook because I wouldn't delete her ex from my friends list (who's actually a really nice guy, and that's why I didn't do it). Considering that we're 2,000 miles apart now and facebook was our main means of communication, I took that as a "I'll find myself other people to treat like crap".
    I know it sounds cruel, but depending on how badly she has affected you (and for how many times). I'd say go to that party and see how she'll treat you, as a friend or as part of the decor.
    If the unfortunate case is the latter, then I suggest doing what you most enjoy in life and forget about "friends". Not literally, but the idea of having a best friend. You'll never know when the next one will come (and you usually get to find them when you're doing something that you like )
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    (Original post by LaMandarine)
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    Your friend very much sounds like a bad friend unlike my ex-best friend, I mean we were as thick as theives until she stopped talking to me. She didn't do anything to me before that in fact I don't think she did anything bad to me apart from cut me out. It sounds minor but we used to talk everyday and one day she decided that she didn't want to talk to me any more which is what I find rather disturbing that she didn't feel as empty as I did when she did away with me. At first I hated her but as the months passed I became indifferent and I laugh at that situation when I look back. Though I'm still hurt by what she did, I've grown up a little realised that I put too much into one friendship.
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    There was a reason you two were BFF right? You had a mutual trust and bond. Forgiving her will make that bond and friendship stronger than ever. Someday you may also make a dumb mistake and will yearn for the same forgiveness. There is no down-side to being kind and forgiving.
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    Deal with it how Danerys dealt with Jorah:

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    (Original post by Daenerys...)
    Your friend very much sounds like a bad friend unlike my ex-best friend, I mean we were as thick as theives until she stopped talking to me. She didn't do anything to me before that in fact I don't think she did anything bad to me apart from cut me out. It sounds minor but we used to talk everyday and one day she decided that she didn't want to talk to me any more which is what I find rather disturbing that she didn't feel as empty as I did when she did away with me. At first I hated her but as the months passed I became indifferent and I laugh at that situation when I look back. Though I'm still hurt by what she did, I've grown up a little realised that I put too much into one friendship.
    So do I. Well, I really don't believe that there is such a thing as "put too much" in a friendship, but being too involved in a friendship, or sticking to a friendship that's not worth it. If she only cut you out she might have actually dealt with something personal and she didn't want to pass the burden to anybody close. It's good that she tried to reconnect, so I say give her a chance if she didn't hurt you in any way ^^
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    I think if shes willing to make the first step then maybe just try but if you feel as though you can't forgive her for it then don't make yourself. I've been in similar situations where I have ended up falling out with someone (can't remember what exactly) and they didn't talk with me for months. Despite me making the effort in the end I felt embarrassed and felt as though I was coming across desperate so I just left it to them to make the first move. They didn't make the the first move but they did made some sort of feeble attempt at an apology which I accepted but it didn't feel the same. I felt awkward around them and I was really holding onto little arguments and stuff really just started to bug me, and I found out that this person had only bothered me because no one else was avaiable and that made me feel really pathetic, so eventually we drifted apart and I just haven't bothered. Every now and then I miss them; well actually I can't figure out if I miss them or just the friendship we had.

    SO after that message (sorry it was so long) I basically would give it a go you've got nothing left to lose and all to gain. Just try but on the same hand if it doesn't feel like a proper friendship I would just not bother.

    Hopefully this has helped
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    Give the gal a chance, go to that partay.

    If it turns out it's a bit meh, there'll be food and drink at least.
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    (Original post by Daenerys...)
    To cut a long (and emotional, at least for me) story short my ex-BFF randomly contacted me yesterday and we chatted on skype for about 3 hours like old times but after the conversation I found myself ashamed of forgiving her for cutting ALL contact with me about 7 months ago. She admits that she was a bad friend and she wants to take responsibility for drifting apart yet I can't bring myself to forgive her.

    She invited me to her house on Saturday for a house party she's hosting (her parents are out on a business trip) and our mutual friends will be there should I even entertain her?
    Life's too short to hold grudges. Make the most of what you have, you never know when you'll need it.

    #yolo #besties #justdoit #youllfeedhappier #lota #bodna

 
 
 
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