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    I would be truely grateful if someone could give me some advice and what sort of standard if I was to carry on writing like this.Thanks in advance.


    Steinbeck portrays Slim the majority of the time with consistency reflecting that he is a significant character-however ,we notice that Slim can sometimes be drawn into the depression and the hardship of life in this era.
    When Steinbeck first introduces Slim with a detailed description –straightaway from Steinbeck presentation from the imagery of ‘A tall man stood in the doorway’ this indicates that he is a special character because he is framed by the light of the door. Perhaps this is to relate to his authority over others.Also this is quite symbolic to God because it is as if Slim has a halo to show his importance in the novella. While, we notice that he dresses demeaning like the others ‘like the others he wore demin…’Showing that he is not arrogant and modest over others because he wants to be seen like them by the clothes he wears. Perhaps he does this because he doesn’t want to be decimated as most men at this time were jealous and bitter of men having more than them. He seems to be a humble character that the readers can keep comparing him to the other characters on the ranch .This is because he is zealous and intuitive because of the description ‘God-like eyes fastened on him ‘he is a quickly established character .Also this could convey from the Steinbeck choice of ‘God-like ‘that Slim can see through everything and everyone, so indicating there is no point lying to him. Slim seems to be presented with naturally authoritative ‘his word was taken on any subject’ conveying that he is highly respected and could suggest that he has had a lot of experience-meaning that he is very knowledgeable .In contrast ,to Curley he has to wear ‘high heeled boots’ which conveys he has superficially show power.This comparison ,it reflects Curley’s inner insecurity as we notice that he has to dress for respect whilst this comes naturally to Slim.
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    Steinbeck portrays Slim the majority of the time with consistency reflecting that he is a significant character-however ,we notice that Slim can sometimes be drawn into the depression and the hardship of life in this era.

    - You could rephrase the the wording of that to make it sound less awkward e.g: 'The majority of the time, Steinbeck portrays Slim consistently, which reflects that he is a significant character...'

    When Steinbeck first introduces Slim with a detailed description –straightaway from Steinbeck presentation from the imagery of ‘A tall man stood in the doorway’ this indicates that he is a special character because he is framed by the light of the door.

    - Could probably lose the 'when' and just say 'Steinbeck first introduces Slim with a detailed description, making use of imagery stating that he is 'A tall man...etc'.

    Perhaps this is to relate to his authority over others.Also this is quite symbolic to God because it is as if Slim has a halo to show his importance in the novella. While, we notice that he dresses demeaning like the others ‘like the others he wore demin…’Showing that he is not arrogant and modest over others because he wants to be seen like them by the clothes he wears. Perhaps he does this because he doesn’t want to be decimated as most men at this time were jealous and bitter of men having more than them.

    - It would be symbolic 'of' God not 'to' God, and you could also make a point here about how the light in the door may be symbolic of Slim's good nature, contrasting to Curly's wife who 'blocked the light in the door'.
    - When you're discussing the significance of his clothes, make sure you don't slip into talking about the characters as if they're real people. So for example, when you say 'perhaps he does this...', you would be better off saying 'Perhaps Steinbeck does this to suggest that he doesn't want to be decimated like most men at the time...'

    He seems to be a humble character that the readers can keep comparing him to the other characters on the ranch .This is because he is zealous and intuitive because of the description ‘God-like eyes fastened on him ‘he is a quickly established character .

    - Again, I'd always get into the habit of saying 'Steinbeck seems to portrays him as a humble character, which constrasts to the presentation of other characters on the ranch...'. Just ensures that you don't lose sight of the question, and you're picking up easy AO1 and AO2 marks as well.
    - 'Because of the description' sounds a bit clunky, try and use signpost phrases such as 'shown in the description', 'highlighted in the phrase', 'implied in the description'. E.g : This is because he is a zealous and inituitive character, which is highlighted in the description of his 'God-like eyes'.

    Also this could convey from the Steinbeck choice of ‘God-like ‘that Slim can see through everything and everyone, so indicating there is no point lying to him. Slim seems to be presented with naturally authoritative ‘his word was taken on any subject’ conveying that he is highly respected and could suggest that he has had a lot of experience-meaning that he is very knowledgeable .In contrast ,to Curley he has to wear ‘high heeled boots’ which conveys he has superficially show power.This comparison ,it reflects Curley’s inner insecurity as we notice that he has to dress for respect whilst this comes naturally to Slim.

    - A better introduction to this point would be 'This could also convey...'. Personally, when I'm going to develop a point I usually just use either the connective 'moreover' or 'furthermore', it's quicker to write and sounds more sophisticated.
    - So a better phrasing of that paragraph would be 'Moreover, by using the description of 'God-like', Steinbeck may be conveying the idea that...'
    - Finally, you should either say that Slim is presented as BEING 'naturally authoritative' or HOLDING 'natural authority', 'with' is gramatically incorrect in that context.
    - When you're talking about the comparison, always refer back to Steinbeck, i.e, 'Steinbeck uses this contrast to highlight Curley's...'

    Overall though the actual ideas you're writing are good, it's obvious that you understand the function of the character and why he is presented as he is, you just need to tidy up your phrasing and always make sure you refer back to Steinbeck! I'm don't really know what to mark it against, but for GCSE level I'd say it's a B, maybe B/A borderline. It's mainly grammar and sentence structure that's letting you down, because your analysis is definitely A grade.

    Hope this helps! Now I need stop procrastinating and get on with some revision myself...
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    Thank you so much,for taking the time to help me!!!You have explained it so well,I will definately take all of your constructive feedback on board.Also you have made me feel better as well.I wish you all the best with your exams
 
 
 
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