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    I've become so depressed and anxious that I've basically vanished. Haven't left my house for at least a month and there's not a trace of me on the Internet, I've cut out crap friends that probably only made me worse anyway and now I'm fully alone only my family see me and they're at a loss as to what to do. As am I. I've just vanished, I basically don't exist anymore. I have no friends. Only people I speak to on here and my phone. I'm a young woman in my early twenties and I've given up on life. My childhood was dysfunctional and I'm left completely dysfunctional. I don't have autism but my social functioning is completely impaired by my experiences and I don't know how to go on... I honestly don't think I'm going to amount to much and I'm a nice person and of reasonable attractiveness but my mind is so far from okay. I'm sick. I just don't know where to begin. Help?
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    Coming from a 15 year old who's life is pretty difficult, i would like to say, keep your head up and avoid isolating yourself from others, they may be the ones who will help you, no one can make it through life by themselves, i'm here if you'd like to chat
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    If you need someone to talk to PM me
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    Hey, sorry about your situation. Im in the same position at the moment so I can't really advise because I have been mentally sick on and off for ten years so if I had the answer I wouldn't be back here yet again after so many times.

    That said, my current idea is to try and find a support group. I think company might be a good thing but the problem is I can't really face meeting new people or trying to socialise whilst hiding how broken and cut up I am inside but I figure in a support group, I could just be there and it wouldn't matter if people knew how messed up I am.

    I dont know if you could find anything like that locally and whether it would be of interest or whether it would just increase anxiety.

    Of course there is always the medical route too if you haven't tried that before. The first step I suppose would be a gp appointment.

    In any case, people in your situation can come out of it so there is plenty of hope for you and I wish you the best. Even personally, although I am ****ed up now I have gone through worse and managed to 'come back to life' for periods and have a decent existence. Some more intelligent people do this permanently so that could be you.
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    Thanks for the replies really appreciate it .
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    (Original post by Jay84)
    Hey, sorry about your situation. Im in the same position at the moment so I can't really advise because I have been mentally sick on and off for ten years so if I had the answer I wouldn't be back here yet again after so many times.

    That said, my current idea is to try and find a support group. I think company might be a good thing but the problem is I can't really face meeting new people or trying to socialise whilst hiding how broken and cut up I am inside but I figure in a support group, I could just be there and it wouldn't matter if people knew how messed up I am.

    I dont know if you could find anything like that locally and whether it would be of interest or whether it would just increase anxiety.

    Of course there is always the medical route too if you haven't tried that before. The first step I suppose would be a gp appointment.

    In any case, people in your situation can come out of it so there is plenty of hope for you and I wish you the best. Even personally, although I am ****ed up now I have gone through worse and managed to 'come back to life' for periods and have a decent existence. Some more intelligent people do this permanently so that could be you.
    Hey, sorry to hear you've struggled with stuff like this as well.

    Yeah I agree a support group might be helpful but I'd have to get out for that and not at that point yet. I'm in contact with my GP and he's put me on the waiting list for someone to come and see me at home which hopefully won't be much longer now.

    I really don't think it has anything to do with intelligence whether or not you recover permanently. It depends on lots of things such as the reason you're in the situation you're in e.g. your childhood, resources, support etc...So don't think you're any less intelligent because you've been unwell on and off for a while.

    Can I ask how old you are if you don't mind? Only curious because you said you've been ill for 10 years.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, sorry to hear you've struggled with stuff like this as well.

    Yeah I agree a support group might be helpful but I'd have to get out for that and not at that point yet. I'm in contact with my GP and he's put me on the waiting list for someone to come and see me at home which hopefully won't be much longer now.
    Hope the help comes soon.

    I really don't think it has anything to do with intelligence whether or not you recover permanently. It depends on lots of things such as the reason you're in the situation you're in e.g. your childhood, resources, support etc...So don't think you're any less intelligent because you've been unwell on and off for a while.
    Well I must be stupid because I haven't seemed to take anything from all my previous experience. I try to live a normal life and I don't remember that I have more limitations than most and am just not capable. Now, I am clinging on to appearing 'normal' at work and then coming home and shutting myself off. Its no life and it isnt sustainable anyway. I will go mad or break like I always do. Its just a case of when.

    I had CBT too and the tips and advice I am either not following (e.g. it was suggested that I didn't go back to work as quickly and also took something part time and undemanding) and then a lot of it was recognising the signs and I am recognising it but just don't know where to turn. I am terrified of being 'outed' in work or with flatmates (currently they just think I am a weird thirty year old loner and an antisocial loser; I hear them talking about me)

    Can I ask how old you are if you don't mind? Only curious because you said you've been ill for 10 years.
    I'm thirty. Had brain injury caused by an illness at nineteen and suffered with mental illness since then. Official diagnosis is bipolar but I think my symptoms might be caused by a different mechanism than others. Genetic link is there but I am sure the real cause for me is unfixable brain damage. Maybe that's why the drugs don't work.
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    (Original post by Jay84)
    Hope the help comes soon.



    Well I must be stupid because I haven't seemed to take anything from all my previous experience. I try to live a normal life and I don't remember that I have more limitations than most and am just not capable. Now, I am clinging on to appearing 'normal' at work and then coming home and shutting myself off. Its no life and it isnt sustainable anyway. I will go mad or break like I always do. Its just a case of when.

    I had CBT too and the tips and advice I am either not following (e.g. it was suggested that I didn't go back to work as quickly and also took something part time and undemanding) and then a lot of it was recognising the signs and I am recognising it but just don't know where to turn. I am terrified of being 'outed' in work or with flatmates (currently they just think I am a weird thirty year old loner and an antisocial loser; I hear them talking about me)



    I'm thirty. Had brain injury caused by an illness at nineteen and suffered with mental illness since then. Official diagnosis is bipolar but I think my symptoms might be caused by a different mechanism than others. Genetic link is there but I am sure the real cause for me is unfixable brain damage. Maybe that's why the drugs don't work.
    If you have actual brain damage then you're obviously not stupid, it's the scars on your brain that prevent you from fully recovering from some elements. But I still believe that if the treatment was correct and consistent/enough of it you could redevelop parts of your brain...neuroplasticity and all.

    It's interesting though because I'm in a similar situation. I've been living with my dad (and the rest of my family) my whole life and for most of it he has made our lives really difficult due to his own untreated mental health conditions. Over the years it's taken it's toll on my own mental health and in the past few years it's been more and more obvious that because of these experiences I'm not able to function in normal adult life. I missed out and being a kid in many ways.

    But last year in May I came down with some weird illness where I felt so ill that I called an ambulance my blood pressure shot up and since then I've had all sorts of terrible physical symptoms some of which have eased and others not so much. Initially they gave me anti depressants but I didn't want to take them as I knew it wasn't just psychological and wanted to show that it wouldn't just resolve itself. I probably cut my nose off to spite my face by doing that as I lost a lot of sleep and the meds might have helped me sleep but I was so scared that if I had increased anxiety (transitionary with the medication) that I'd literally pop, that's how bad it all was. My point is that since after that time I've not been able to bounce back, like I normally would after simple periods of anxiety and depression. So I too am convinced of some brain damage. The trouble is though, my home environment is still bad, I'm lying in bed most of the time and my dads pottering about trying to help me when he himself is mentally unwell and has on and off psychotic episodes so it's really not exactly a 'healing' environment anyway. Will be interesting to see what the therapy/counselling person thinks about it all and if they can help.

    So all the medication has never worked? But you say you have periods where you're okay but you're easily triggered back into a bad episode? When you say the genetic link is there do you mean your parents suffer similar conditions?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you have actual brain damage then you're obviously not stupid, it's the scars on your brain that prevent you from fully recovering from some elements. But I still believe that if the treatment was correct and consistent/enough of it you could redevelop parts of your brain...neuroplasticity and all.
    I think superficially that has healed. For the first six months/year my speech was slurred and my balance was off but that came back. I think im basically just a bit of a fool when it comes to working out how to sort my life out.

    It's interesting though because I'm in a similar situation. I've been living with my dad (and the rest of my family) my whole life and for most of it he has made our lives really difficult due to his own untreated mental health conditions. Over the years it's taken it's toll on my own mental health and in the past few years it's been more and more obvious that because of these experiences I'm not able to function in normal adult life. I missed out and being a kid in many ways.

    But last year in May I came down with some weird illness where I felt so ill that I called an ambulance my blood pressure shot up and since then I've had all sorts of terrible physical symptoms some of which have eased and others not so much. Initially they gave me anti depressants but I didn't want to take them as I knew it wasn't just psychological and wanted to show that it wouldn't just resolve itself. I probably cut my nose off to spite my face by doing that as I lost a lot of sleep and the meds might have helped me sleep but I was so scared that if I had increased anxiety (transitionary with the medication) that I'd literally pop, that's how bad it all was. My point is that since after that time I've not been able to bounce back, like I normally would after simple periods of anxiety and depression. So I too am convinced of some brain damage. The trouble is though, my home environment is still bad, I'm lying in bed most of the time and my dads pottering about trying to help me when he himself is mentally unwell and has on and off psychotic episodes so it's really not exactly a 'healing' environment anyway. Will be interesting to see what the therapy/counselling person thinks about it all and if they can help.
    I hope it does help. I was the same when I was first depressed but I didn't recognise it as depression. I just thought I was physically ill and couldn't understand or accept it. Same when I had hypo and manic episodes - couldn't understand it when people were saying I needed help.

    So all the medication has never worked?
    Not really. Maybe when I have been really out of control and in a crisis situation it has kept me safe or suitably quitened me when ive been climbing the walls but moreso high doses of benzos in the hospital which is unsustainable as opposed to antidepressants/mood stabilizers/antipsychotics. I was taking the meds I was prescribed religeously last time I had a severe episode. It was only whilst I was in the hospital I stopped which was argubaly after the worst point.

    But you say you have periods where you're okay but you're easily triggered back into a bad episode?
    I don't think I am triggered or at least not by anything noticeable. I don't just flip from good to bad, it tends to build up. Then, equally it ebbs away.

    When you say the genetic link is there do you mean your parents suffer similar conditions?
    Well its more tenuously linked then that. I think my mum was mentally ill, possibly bipolar, but she wasn't diagnosed. That said, for the last ten years or more she has calmed down so much so maybe her problem was situational or she effectively recovered.

    More obviously, my uncle on the same side was severly ill with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder and was never able to live a full life. My grandma also had severe clinical depression and was hospitalized several times after breakdowns and suicide attempts.
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    That's like what I did when I was 14, I started trying to erase my life :sad:
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    (Original post by Jay84)
    I think superficially that has healed. For the first six months/year my speech was slurred and my balance was off but that came back. I think im basically just a bit of a fool when it comes to working out how to sort my life out.



    I hope it does help. I was the same when I was first depressed but I didn't recognise it as depression. I just thought I was physically ill and couldn't understand or accept it. Same when I had hypo and manic episodes - couldn't understand it when people were saying I needed help.



    Not really. Maybe when I have been really out of control and in a crisis situation it has kept me safe or suitably quitened me when ive been climbing the walls but moreso high doses of benzos in the hospital which is unsustainable as opposed to antidepressants/mood stabilizers/antipsychotics. I was taking the meds I was prescribed religeously last time I had a severe episode. It was only whilst I was in the hospital I stopped which was argubaly after the worst point.



    I don't think I am triggered or at least not by anything noticeable. I don't just flip from good to bad, it tends to build up. Then, equally it ebbs away.



    Well its more tenuously linked then that. I think my mum was mentally ill, possibly bipolar, but she wasn't diagnosed. That said, for the last ten years or more she has calmed down so much so maybe her problem was situational or she effectively recovered.

    More obviously, my uncle on the same side was severly ill with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder and was never able to live a full life. My grandma also had severe clinical depression and was hospitalized several times after breakdowns and suicide attempts.
    Hmm I%
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    (Original post by Jay84)
    I think superficially that has healed. For the first six months/year my speech was slurred and my balance was off but that came back. I think im basically just a bit of a fool when it comes to working out how to sort my life out.



    I hope it does help. I was the same when I was first depressed but I didn't recognise it as depression. I just thought I was physically ill and couldn't understand or accept it. Same when I had hypo and manic episodes - couldn't understand it when people were saying I needed help.



    Not really. Maybe when I have been really out of control and in a crisis situation it has kept me safe or suitably quitened me when ive been climbing the walls but moreso high doses of benzos in the hospital which is unsustainable as opposed to antidepressants/mood stabilizers/antipsychotics. I was taking the meds I was prescribed religeously last time I had a severe episode. It was only whilst I was in the hospital I stopped which was argubaly after the worst point.



    I don't think I am triggered or at least not by anything noticeable. I don't just flip from good to bad, it tends to build up. Then, equally it ebbs away.



    Well its more tenuously linked then that. I think my mum was mentally ill, possibly bipolar, but she wasn't diagnosed. That said, for the last ten years or more she has calmed down so much so maybe her problem was situational or she effectively recovered.

    More obviously, my uncle on the same side was severly ill with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder and was never able to live a full life. My grandma also had severe clinical depression and was hospitalized several times after breakdowns and suicide attempts.
    Hmm I've been depressed/anxious/messy mental health since I was younger and always been anti medication I know I need it now more than ever but I'm struggling to make that first move. Especially when I have all these mad physical symptoms it just feels like it's going against what feels natural. But I know I need to...

    When you took medication for the first time was it you or did they give it you in hospital when you had the breakdowns?
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    That's like what I did when I was 14, I started trying to erase my life :sad:
    Aw why, so young as well?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Aw why, so young as well?
    I've always felt very ashamed of the way I look. I didn't want anybody to look at me.
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    I've always felt very ashamed of the way I look. I didn't want anybody to look at me.
    Really, why what did you think was so bad about it? I understand though, I'm so self conscious despite people telling me otherwise I can't do social media because I simply don't feel my face is pretty enough. I couldn't bare flicking through seeing myself it'd just make me more depressed.
 
 
 
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