Flatmate has anxiety and it made me move out

Hi, I don't know if I did the right thing. But a new girl moved into my flat at halls who said she struggles with anxiety. I know this is going to sound really awful but I dreaded conversing with her because everything was really depressing on how much her life had been so hard that day even for small things, which I can empathise must be really difficult to live with, But if I ever had a bad day she had no care.

I moved out in the end due to an incident where I almost ended up in a comma and so was in hospital for some nights, she didn't know until I got back to the flat which I explained to her what happened and she said nothing not even asking if I am okay now, and said that I was LUCKY as she just had to sit on a bus for an extra half hour due to traffic.

I know to people who have anxiety issues I must sound awful but I just didn't know how to cope after that because without sounding awful a longer bus ride isn't anywhere near close to being almost dead like I was, I understand we see stress different but surely something obvious must have clicked to at least ask if I was okay before going on about a bus ride?

If anyone has anxiety issues it'd be great to hear from your side of this as I do feel awful for moving out (I never told her it was due to the stress in the flat of being around her)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Hmm I don't think the things that annoy you about her are all to do with her anxiety, I think she's just a negative person. Don't feel too bad- it was pretty ****ty of her to not care you were in a comma.

Reply 2

Jaydee18

I have anxiety so can sympathise with both sides. It's hard living with anxiety but also hard to live with someone who has it.

I do think she was in the wrong with the bus comment, I have anxiety yes, but I'm still caring and sympathetic toward others, maybe she didn't realise the seriousness of what happened to you?

I would of tried talking to her before moving out, explaining how you felt.
It's easy to become consumed by anxiety, communication is key though, talking to her may have made her realise the negative effects it was having on people around her and maybe she would of benefited from some help to control it better.

It does sound like you are compassionate so please don't feel bad about having to move out! There should be more people like you, too many people are still ignorant towards mental health.

Reply 3

username1337098

It's not her anxiety doing that, she's just very self-absorbed.

Reply 4

RhizzJG

Thank you guys, I really don't understand anxiety issues very well at all!
I didn't feel great with the idea of talking to her about it as I don't understand anxiety and felt really quite selfish about the whole deal. Thank you guys!

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Is it possible she has some degree of autism though? Autism is characterised by a lack of empathy for other's situations, I'd say to not appreciate you were in a comma was a pretty serious lack of understanding.

Reply 6

thecatwithnohat

On a serious note, as the post (2 above this) above said, your (ex)roommate could have autism to some degree. The inability to empathise or display the correct sort of emotion is common.

I understand how you'd be fed up with this, and it's neither of your faults. You're not a mean person at all for moving out.

Reply 7

Jay84

You know what - don't feel bad.

I have a mental illness and one time, when I got quite sick I was taken to hospital and when I got back, my housemates had said that they weren't comfortable with me being there anymore and I had to go. I was potless and had nowhere to go and ended up sleeping on my neighbours couch for the next few weeks and I was so angry with them for a while but then I realised - it can be horrible dealing with seeing or being around someone else's illness and nobody should have to put up with it. As hard as it van be on people, it isn't everyone elses direct responsibility.

Reply 8

RhizzJG

No idea why it says 1970..i wasnt even alive then!
she doesnt have autism from what i know she talks about her anxiety a lot when she isnt with her boyfriend
thank you guys youve helped me a lot! :-)

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Having a mental illness isn't an excuse to be a bad person. I have bad social anxiety and I would NEVER treat someone like she treated you.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

Agreeing with the post above, I find for me at least my anxiety makes me incredibly worried around those around me. At times it can make me self centred with if they've had a change in attitude I can believe it's something I've done/my fault but I wouldn't belittle something as serious as being in a coma to my struggle on a bus.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I totally agree with this; if my social anxiety was triggered by something that happened, e.g. an encounter with someone I didn't know on a bus, I would feel sick and shaky and like it was the end of the world, because that's social anxiety for you, but I would still recognise that being in a coma is a lot more serious. And even if OP's problems weren't as serious, I still wouldn't be so self-absorbed that I'd dismiss them to talk about my own problems.

Reply 12

WiseApple

Original post by RhizzJG

But if I ever had a bad day she had no care.

I moved out in the end due to an incident where I almost ended up in a comma and so was in hospital for some nights, she didn't know until I got back to the flat which I explained to her what happened and she said nothing not even asking if I am okay now, and said that I was LUCKY as she just had to sit on a bus for an extra half hour due to traffic.

Hmm. That sounds more like depression than anxiety. All the people I know with anxiety usually have been compassionate.