Dating a girl who has depression.

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DeaconDestruct
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#1
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I am going on a date this weekend with a girl who has depression. I think she has depression partially because people are often horrible to her. Some people have already said I should not waste my time on 'a useless weirdo like her', which I think is disgusting. I have heard that the girl likes raspberry cake, so I am baking one and will put it in a cake tin to give to her on the date. I will take her some flowers and chocolates as well. Is there anything I have missed?

If she gets upset or depressed, I am planning to hold her close to me and tell her just how amazingly beautiful and brillant I think she is. I have never suffered from depression though so I might not necessarily understand exactly what she is going through. However, I am determined to do my best.

Has anyone ever dated someone with depression before. Any experiences of what to do/ what not to do!
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DeaconDestruct
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I have read a couple of books and some journal articles on depression. So that might give me some understanding of what she is going through. However, I understand that depression can be very individualistic.
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Mezza362
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I have dated someone with depression for three years. In the end I had to end it. Although you do want to help them there is only so much you can take of someone who is constantly sad. Sadness goes hand in hand with lack of motivation, energy, enthusiasm and positivity and there is OnlyI so much you can take of a negative, lazy, tired partner.
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claireestelle
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#4
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That sounds like a very thoughtful date
I would say just be there to listen to her if she needs someone. You sound very caring and non judgemental so cant think of anything to say not to do
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Shakz
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#5
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Lips her
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by Mezza362)
I have dated someone with depression for three years. In the end I had to end it. Although you do want to help them there is only so much you can take of someone who is constantly sad. Sadness goes hand in hand with lack of motivation, energy, enthusiasm and positivity and there is OnlyI so much you can take of a negative, lazy, tired partner.
I do not mind about the constant sadness. I will do my best and see how it goes! Thank you for the advice though!
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by claireestelle)
That sounds like a very thoughtful date
I would say just be there to listen to her if she needs someone. You sound very caring and non judgemental so cant think of anything to say not to do
Thank you for your lovely comment!
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username1862217
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Take it slow and judge how she responds to everything well. Treat her as a normal person and not as someone with depression. If she does have an episode while on the date I would be more inclined to give her space and then get in contact when things are better.
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by Keyhofi)
Take it slow and judge how she responds to everything well. Treat her as a normal person and not as someone with depression. If she does have an episode while on the date I would be more inclined to give her space and then get in contact when things are better.
Ok, thank you!
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claireestelle
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(Original post by DeaconDestruct)
Thank you for your lovely comment!
No problem good luck for your date
If you want to do some reading on depression the mind website has peoples personal experiences on it so could be good to get an understanding of how it varies between people
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by claireestelle)
No problem good luck for your date
If you want to do some reading on depression the mind website has peoples personal experiences on it so could be good to get an understanding of how it varies between people
Thank you! I will take a look!
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Anonymous #1
#12
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If you don't yet know her very well dont bring it up and dont treat her differently (ie with pity/comfort) you will just make her feel like an outcast, its not nice having depression and you don't want people to know about it, especially someone who you like.
She probably likes you because you see her as a normal person and treat her so. if you change you become the same as everyone else making her feel different. No-one wants to be different
And don't give up on her like that other guys said, she may be un-happy now but if you care for her its your job to make her happy. relationship or not!

(also cake, flowers AND chocolate are, again, good if you have known her for a while and are comfortable with each other but slow it down if not! )
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90sBabyy
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She has depression. Not alcohol dementia or schizophrenia. She won't be randomly interrupting the date to dance on the table and she's not going to kill you :laugh:

At least I don't think she'll kill you



depression is just severe sadness which normally creates fatigue and lack of energy. Truly depressed people do not bawl in the middle of dinner lol

The most you should be worried about with someone who has depression is her being a complete bore because she's not in the mood or shy.
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by 90sBabyy)
She has depression. Not alcohol dementia or schizophrenia. She won't be randomly interrupting the date to dance on the table and she's not going to kill you :laugh:

At least I don't think she'll kill you



depression is just severe sadness which normally creates fatigue and lack of energy. Truly depressed people do not bawl in the middle of dinner lol

The most you should be worried about with someone who has depression is her being a complete bore because she's not in the mood or shy.
Well, I do not mind. If she gets upset, I will just tell her how beautiful and amazing I think she is and give her a cuddle.

I do not mind if she is shy either, I will just listen to her and hear what she has to say, without pressuring her.
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claireestelle
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(Original post by 90sBabyy)
She has depression. Not alcohol dementia or schizophrenia. She won't be randomly interrupting the date to dance on the table and she's not going to kill you :laugh:

At least I don't think she'll kill you



depression is just severe sadness which normally creates fatigue and lack of energy. Truly depressed people do not bawl in the middle of dinner lol

The most you should be worried about with someone who has depression is her being a complete bore because she's not in the mood or shy.
You know that alcoholic dementia and schzophernics arent generally killers either,not sure what your point is as op isnt judging her by her depression, whereas you have been pretty negative
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dossedudex
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Girls with depressions always looooove when u try to cure them, bring her as much as balloons and party cakes and happy music as possible, also tickling them , and tell them jokes that u get from the web and go to a stamp full discotheque in the weekend she wil like.
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claireestelle
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90sBabyy
Have you met someone with depression or alcoholic dementia or schzophernia? I m curious
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Renewhj
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just talk to her and she will go through it hopefully.Try to know her and discuss with her about all the negative things ,help her to face and overcome those thoughts that upset her.I had sort of depression 3years ago,every time when I thought about the fact that I will be dead one day and lay in a dark place without anyone noticing me I couldn't help myself crying....even scared my classmates because I cried with no reason inside a class as a boy.all those were because I thought too much and was too sensitive.Even made my heart beating abnormally only by suspecting my breastbone had stressed my heart...But I've gone through it myself by trying different things and not thinking too much.There are loads things to do and have fun.The easiest thing maybe watching more classic films(Paradise Cinema for example )and listening to sensible music.I learnt the most of my personalities by Watching film and thinking what kind of person I'd love to be and trying.Now I am still a introvert now but not morbid any more.I found that not as many people as I thought would notice me and judge me, and I began to enjoy myself.hope this could help a bit


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90sBabyy
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#19
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#19
(Original post by claireestelle)
90sBabyy
Have you met someone with depression or alcoholic dementia or schzophernia? I m curious
I posted in another thread that I have had depression since I was 3, according to evaluations I have undergone as a teenager.

(Original post by claireestelle)
You know that alcoholic dementia and schzophernics arent generally killers either,not sure what your point is as op isnt judging her by her depression, whereas you have been pretty negative
I never said people with those disorders are killers. I was saying that to say that depression doesn't mean you're some deranged person. So there's no reason for him to really be that worried for dating someone who is depressed.
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DeaconDestruct
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(Original post by dossedudex)
Girls with depressions always looooove when u try to cure them, bring her as much as balloons and party cakes and happy music as possible, also tickling them , and tell them jokes that u get from the web and go to a stamp full discotheque in the weekend she wil like.
I would like to care for her. However, I am not expecting that she will just stop being depressed, it is a process and complicated and what she needs most of all I think is love and comfort. Though, your part about jokes that you get from the web was funny.
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