What would you do if you found out your partner had HIV?

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Soldieroffortune
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#1
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#1
Be it Partner, GF, BF, Husband, Wife etc. etc. what would you do if you found out they had HIV and lets assume they also didn't cheat and were just unlucky touched a tainted sharp or something like that. Would you leave them or not and actually think on it hard try not to immediately say of course not for instance if you're married you now have a spouse you can never be intimate with again and will in all likelihood die a lot sooner than you..
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scrotgrot
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A doctor once told me it's so hard to transmit that people with HIV in a "serodiscordant" couple took ten years to transfer it to their partner, even without condoms.

This chimes with the data which suggest a transmission rate in vaginal sex of 0.04% to the man and 0.08% to the woman. That means you would have to have sex 1250-2500 times before you would expect to catch it, which sounds about right for ten years' worth of sex, i.e. 2-4 times a week.

In fact, what is often done these days is to put both the people in the couple on anti-retrovirals, so the negative partner is protected from the instant of infection.

As for the dying a lot sooner, HIV is nowadays so treatable that they could expect to live to 70 I believe is the ballpark figure.
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cambio wechsel
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Soldieroffortune)
f you're married you now have a spouse you can never be intimate with again and will in all likelihood die a lot sooner than you..
1. Plenty of serodiscordant couples have full and satisfying sex lives.
2. Since I live in a developed nation there is no reason why my partner's HIV couldn't be effectively managed.
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StyleIcon
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#4
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(Original post by Soldieroffortune)
Be it Partner, GF, BF, Husband, Wife etc. etc. what would you do if you found out they had HIV and lets assume they also didn't cheat and were just unlucky touched a tainted sharp or something like that. Would you leave them or not and actually think on it hard try not to immediately say of course not for instance if you're married you now have a spouse you can never be intimate with again and will in all likelihood die a lot sooner than you..
Honestly I think I would break up with the. Can't risk my life :erm:

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Soldieroffortune
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#5
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
A doctor once told me it's so hard to transmit that people with HIV in a "serodiscordant" couple took ten years to transfer it to their partner, even without condoms.

This chimes with the data which suggest a transmission rate in vaginal sex of 0.04% to the man and 0.08% to the woman. That means you would have to have sex 1250-2500 times before you would expect to catch it, which sounds about right for ten years' worth of sex, i.e. 2-4 times a week.

In fact, what is often done these days is to put both the people in the couple on anti-retrovirals, so the negative partner is protected from the instant of infection.

As for the dying a lot sooner, HIV is nowadays so treatable that they could expect to live to 70 I believe is the ballpark figure.
They wouldn't put both people on anti-retrovirals? Unless the procedure has changed from last time i checked it would do more harm than good for the person who's clean, so to speak.
I cant say im familiar with said figures im just going along the lines of sleeping with someone with HIV is something you'd want to be careful about.. There was a case back home in NZL a few years ago a man got HIV and his wife told him she was only staying for the sake of the kids and no more sex for him so he proceeded to take a needle and inject her when she was asleep with his blood [ass] suffice to say he is now in jail.
As for the age though are you sure on that given the averege age for an optimal healthy individual to die isn't much more than that... I mean whilst HIV wont do anything to you once its progressed to full blown AIDS drugs are somewhat limited in their effect and well from there on you'll be in decline...
(Original post by cambio wechsel)
1. Plenty of serodiscordant couples have full and satisfying sex lives.
2. Since I live in a developed nation there is no reason why my partner's HIV couldn't be effectively managed.
You don't have any articles or the like to back that up do you, not doubting you i just find it strange to be frank.
Managed yes but as above mentioned once you've progressed to full blown AIDS manage it as much as you like but for lack of a better phrasing said person is still fairly screwed.. Drugs can only go so far and only with so many people some may live to a relatively normal age others in the same situation could see themselves dead in half a decade..
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Soldieroffortune
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#6
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#6
(Original post by StyleIcon)
Honestly I think I would break up with the. Can't risk my life :erm:

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Fair enough on you friend, I appreciate the honesty in your reply
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TheonlyMrsHolmes
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#7
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#7
I wouldn't leave, I find that is selfish, same goes for any type of illness, I wouldn't leave due to a person having a particular illness.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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#8
Would leg it.
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scrotgrot
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Soldieroffortune)
They wouldn't put both people on anti-retrovirals? Unless the procedure has changed from last time i checked it would do more harm than good for the person who's clean, so to speak.
I cant say im familiar with said figures im just going along the lines of sleeping with someone with HIV is something you'd want to be careful about.. There was a case back home in NZL a few years ago a man got HIV and his wife told him she was only staying for the sake of the kids and no more sex for him so he proceeded to take a needle and inject her when she was asleep with his blood [ass] suffice to say he is now in jail.
As for the age though are you sure on that given the averege age for an optimal healthy individual to die isn't much more than that... I mean whilst HIV wont do anything to you once its progressed to full blown AIDS drugs are somewhat limited in their effect and well from there on you'll be in decline...

You don't have any articles or the like to back that up do you, not doubting you i just find it strange to be frank.
Managed yes but as above mentioned once you've progressed to full blown AIDS manage it as much as you like but for lack of a better phrasing said person is still fairly screwed.. Drugs can only go so far and only with so many people some may live to a relatively normal age others in the same situation could see themselves dead in half a decade..
Your tabloid style story demonises HIV positive people, we had thought that attitude had been left in the 1980s where it belongs. It's precisely the misinformation and prejudice about HIV that caused the woman to refuse sex and the man to respond as he did.

Apparently the expected age of death, by several stratifications, is about 72 for richer more privileged types and about 59 for poor or otherwise underprivileged. It's about ten years less than you'd otherwise hope for, but no worse than other people with lifelong illnesses who nevertheless manage to get married and have relationships.

As for AIDS HIV will no longer degenerate into AIDS in advanced countries due to anti-retrovirals. Not sure exactly what goes on at the end of life regarding this but by then you will probably not be having much sex as it tends to be frowned on in hospital wards...

"New WHO guidelines recommend offering HIV testing and counselling to couples, wherever HIV testing and counselling is available, including in antenatal clinics. For couples where only one partner is HIV positive, the guidelines recommend offering antiretroviral therapy to the HIV positive partner, regardless of his/her own immune status (CD4 count), to reduce the likelihood of HIV transmission to the HIV negative partner."

So ARVs are now given to both partners as a matter of routine. I would imagine there is a weaker formulation which has less side effects.
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Soldieroffortune
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#10
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
Your tabloid style story demonises HIV positive people, we had thought that attitude had been left in the 1980s where it belongs. It's precisely the misinformation and prejudice about HIV that caused the woman to refuse sex and the man to respond as he did.
Last time i checked the BBC wasn't a tabloid.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asi...ic/8397683.stm

She has every right to refuse to sleep with him, i don't care if the chances are a fraction of a point i wouldn't want to get HIV just for a shag.
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scrotgrot
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Soldieroffortune)
Last time i checked the BBC wasn't a tabloid.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asi...ic/8397683.stm

She has every right to refuse to sleep with him, i don't care if the chances are a fraction of a point i wouldn't want to get HIV just for a shag.
Then you are a reactionary and as I said people with HIV (including those in your example) suffer a lot from such unreconstructed paranoia, which only existed in the first place because of homophobia in the 1980s and the lurid headlines back then. They were justified, I suppose, since it seemed like an unstoppable disease up until the early 2000s. But not today: you must update your views.
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Little Popcorns
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Would leg it.
would anon it
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Soldieroffortune
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#13
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(Original post by scrotgrot)
Then you are a reactionary and as I said people with HIV (including those in your example) suffer a lot from such unreconstructed paranoia, which only existed in the first place because of homophobia in the 1980s and the lurid headlines back then. They were justified, I suppose, since it seemed like an unstoppable disease up until the early 2000s. But not today: you must update your views.
Given I haven't expressed any view other than not wanting to sleep with someone with an incurable disease how exactly does that make me 'reactionary' or are you just a failure with the British language?
The one in that example one could easily argue should be guilty of murder or atleast attempted, knowingly giving someone a virus that will in all likelihood lead to their death.
Say's the one cramming propaganda down my throat...?
Errr wrong it is still unstoppable and incurable and you're maintaining we should make a point of going bare back with someone with this disease, how about you do that with someone with one of the hemorrhagic viruses like Marburg? Its exactly the same principle.
Update your knowledge on the disease and how its transmitted and what it does before spouting this crap.
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voiceofreason234
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#14
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#14
I would leave them, although I am 100% aware that's a largely irrational viewpoint, due to the fact the chance of contracting HIV is only around 1/2000 per unprotected sex act anyway, and if the person is on antivirals, this number decreases by 95% more.

FWIW I wouldn't expect in this day and age, a HIV+ person in a Western country to die any quicker than anyone else, providing their illness was caught relatively early. Like I say, a largely irrational fear.
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AvaAdore
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#15
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#15
If it's love I'd stay.
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queen-bee
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#16
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#16
What can you Do? Either leave or stay but if I really loved them then I would stay
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Rum Ham
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#17
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#17
I would stay but I'm not going to lie, my first thought would be to leave them but at the end of the day, if I loved them, I would stick by them.
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clonedmemories
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#18
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#18
I'd try and find out what measures I can take to help prevent transmission and do what I can as support. My partner already has a very serious illness (MS) and was diagnosed in the course of our relationship, so I've already learnt that it's something I can cope with - I never thought I would have been able to until it happened, but these things can bring out parts of you that you never thought were there.
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Chicken.M.
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#19
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#19
Tbh i say id leg it. But knowing me i probably would stay. I always tend to be blinded by love lol.

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scrotgrot
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Soldieroffortune)
Given I haven't expressed any view other than not wanting to sleep with someone with an incurable disease how exactly does that make me 'reactionary' or are you just a failure with the British language?
The one in that example one could easily argue should be guilty of murder or atleast attempted, knowingly giving someone a virus that will in all likelihood lead to their death.
Say's the one cramming propaganda down my throat...?
Errr wrong it is still unstoppable and incurable and you're maintaining we should make a point of going bare back with someone with this disease, how about you do that with someone with one of the hemorrhagic viruses like Marburg? Its exactly the same principle.
Update your knowledge on the disease and how its transmitted and what it does before spouting this crap.
What, no, of course I wouldn't advise going bareback if you can help it, although the fact is that even then in a serodiscordant relationship it would take ten years to contract it. Read Wikipedia. The risk would be further reduced with anti-retrovirals on both sides.

Of course that person should be guilty of murder or some similar offence and HIV Typhoid Maries are always being put away for that kind of thing. However that doesn't mean their actions weren't driven by the fear and paranoia that unnecessarily surrounds HIV which you are also reflecting.

It is you who need to update your knowledge of the disease. Seriously, just go away and read something, anything about it written by a medical professional and apply some common sense.
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