Broke up 6 months ago but finding it hard to move on

I'm just looking for some advice from an objective perspective.

My boyfriend (23) and I (22) decided to call it a day after 2.5 years together about 6 months ago. It was a mutual decision based on how we were both tired of the constant fall outs and arguments that had been going on for a few months. The arguments were usually about his lack of ambition to find a job and move out of his parents house and my nagging. Before this time, we were looking to move in together and talking about getting engaged.

When we initially separated I was relieved and felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt happier in myself and I didn't have to stress about the relationship anymore.

Now around 6 months has past since we broke up and i'ts like I've taken a big step back and hit a brick wall in the moving on process. I've tried dating other men but I can't without thinking about my ex. I think I'm still in love with him and I can't seem to move on, even though I know it was for the best for both of us that we broke up.

I've been blaming myself for ending the relationship and I keep telling myself that if I didnt nag him so much about spending some time together and getting a job and moving out then it could work out.

He's told me that he's happier being single and that he doesn't want to be in any relationship with anyone whatsoever, that he likes not having to care about somebody else. But I can't seem to let go of the sliver of hope that we could sort things out. He spends most of his time playing games online and he speaks to a group online daily. I feel like because of this it's easier for him to forget about me.

Any advice on how to move on or deal with this situation would be much appreciated as I feel like I'm stuck at a dead end and can't get on with my life.

Reply 1

8472

Search for love from someone else. Even if you don't find it, trying will take your mind of your ex? :dontknow:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by 8472

Search for love from someone else. Even if you don't find it, trying will take your mind of your ex? :dontknow:

Like I said I've tried that but it doesn't work. Just makes it feel like a rebound thing. Thanks though. :smile:

Reply 3

8472

Original post by Anonymous

Like I said I've tried that but it doesn't work. Just makes it feel like a rebound thing. Thanks though. :smile:

I'll say this. 6 months has gone past. Wouldn't quite say it is a rebound after that long. :smile:

Reply 4

ArundelRanger

I think I know how you feel, it's a tough situation to be in. Broke up with my ex eight months ago after a four-year relationship and I still think about her a lot. Up until a couple months ago I had that same sliver of hope -- then she cut contact with me completely because, according to her, she saw my face everywhere and couldn't get over me. Fair enough.

I think that's the only way you're going to move on as well. Can't say it worked for me but it did for her and it might for you.

Reply 5

fredscarecrow

Really give it time. I know that sounds silly but when i broke up with my partner of 2 years, it took me 18 months to start dating again.

Think of your singledom like a relationship. Youve had your 6 months of honeymoon period, loving the freedom and excitement of being able to do whatever you want and no fighting. Now youre starting to learn what it really means to be single - the good and the bad, just as in a relationship you start understanding about commitment and responsibilities.

It takes time to remember who you are without them, what your desires are without them and what your future can be without them.

Treat this like a relationship. Nuture yourself. Constantly seek to improve and develop. Make yourself do things you never would have, meet people you never would have. You'll stop judging your life by how it could have been after not too long. But be patient.
Someone told me a brealup takes half the time of the relationship to get over. Dont know how true it is, but youre not in any rush.

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Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by fredscarecrow

Thank you for your response. I've never thought about it that way before. I know I just need to focus on myself, but it's staying in that mindset that's the challenge. You've given me a new perspective to approach things from. :smile:

Reply 7