Too dependant

I am too dependant on my boyfriend. Honestly I can't help it. Having just started uni, I'm finding it really hard to make friends, and because I find it really hard to trust people I can't rely on anyone else. My parents haven't been acting in a very parenty capacity for a while, and usually I'd have my friends but they are scattered around the country and obviously are dealing with their own problems.

Recently he's (the boyf) been saying that I need to find someone else because he can't support me all the time, and I know he is right but at the same time it makes me so angry as I have been literally on call day and night for him when he had some rough times and never once made any kind of deal out of it.

I just need someone and he doesn't want to be there for me. He says he can't cope with all my problems and I know sometimes I ask a lot of him but I honestly need some help, and I feel he's the only person I can turn to.

I've never felt so alone in my life.

I was even told by my doctor that I was far too reliant on him, but I can't stop. I need someone to be there for me, and unfortunately he is the only one.

I don't know what to do.

Reply 1

Nix!

11

Stand up on your own two feet and meet more people. Your boyfriend is there for you, but you've got to give him space too.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

I do meet people. I have people I hang around with, but no friends. I know its difficault, but I'm really finding it hard to cope.

Reply 3

Nix!

11

Anonymous

I do meet people. I have people I hang around with, but no friends. I know its difficault, but I'm really finding it hard to cope.

What year are you in?

How are you currently meeting people?

What is wrong with the current people you know?

Reply 4

Harv616

9

I know how you feel, it's really hard to find nice people in this world. And once you do find decent friends they don't normally feel as close to you as you do to them.

Ok, that wasn't very helpful...
All you can do i guess is keep trying, thats what I'm doing.

Reply 5

Tag

8

he should try to be a little more understanding. how is telling you to gve him space helping at all feel able to rely on people? especially after all you say you've done for him.

but you didn't do it so he'd owe you. Some people are capable of more giving than others are. If he's starting uni too then he'll need a little time to get his head around things.

I'd suggest starting with small things, smile at people or say hello. Join a club, or get part time job? share notes/food whatever with people on your course or where you live. Just be polite and friendly and you'll make friends in no time.

Reply 6

Fleece

15

Having been on the receiving end of someone who was very dependant on me, I can see your boyfriend's point. As much as you love someone, if you're constantly being a rock for them, it can lead to you cracking yourself. It did with me at least.

I think the key is making friends elsewhere, so they can share the support network.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

i totally understand, i am in the same boat. it is really hard, i had a tough year and ended up only having my bf who really stood by me, so i find it hard to trust people, but it gets easier. i wouldnt say i have "friends" as such, they're not people i trust that much, but spending more time with them helps. it will get better, just make ur bf no that you are trying.
sorry if this doesnt help at all

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Nix!

What year are you in?

How are you currently meeting people?

What is wrong with the current people you know?

I'm in my first year, I meet people through societies, classes, just knocking on peoples doors and going out to pubs and clubs etc. And its not for lack of people to talk to, I just don't feel comfortable talking to anybody else but him. There was one person who I met, but she was getting heavily into a bad drugged up scene and I had to get out. O don't have a lot of luck with friends. In fact, I think my group of school friends are my only true ones you know? It's just they have to start at uni and I don't want to mess up their lives because they seem all shiny and happy. He's in upper sixth at the moment, so no newness for him.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Nix!

What year are you in?

How are you currently meeting people?

What is wrong with the current people you know?

I'm in my first year, I meet people through societies, classes, just knocking on peoples doors and going out to pubs and clubs etc. And its not for lack of people to talk to, I just don't feel comfortable talking to anybody else but him. There was one person who I met, but she was getting heavily into a bad drugged up scene and I had to get out. O don't have a lot of luck with friends. In fact, I think my group of school friends are my only true ones you know? It's just they have to start at uni and I don't want to mess up their lives because they seem all shiny and happy. He's in upper sixth at the moment, so no newness for him.

Reply 10

Nix!

11

Anonymous

I'm in my first year, I meet people through societies, classes, just knocking on peoples doors and going out to pubs and clubs etc. And its not for lack of people to talk to, I just don't feel comfortable talking to anybody else but him. There was one person who I met, but she was getting heavily into a bad drugged up scene and I had to get out. O don't have a lot of luck with friends. In fact, I think my group of school friends are my only true ones you know? It's just they have to start at uni and I don't want to mess up their lives because they seem all shiny and happy. He's in upper sixth at the moment, so no newness for him.

Ok, you're doing the right things for meeting people then. Have you considered getting a part-time job too? I work part time in the students' union and I've made a lot of good friends that way.

What you're doing wrong is that you keep running back to your boyfriend, and if you keep doing this, you're eventually going to drive him away. For your own benefit and for his, you need to just put yourself out there. The people I met in my first year more or less all turned out to just be casual friends this year and I've found that the people I'm meeting this year or at least I met later on in my first year are the people I now hang around with.

Don't worry about 'messing up' your friends lives, they're your friends and I'm sure they'll be there if you truely need them.

It may take time to find a group of people you're comfortable with, but trust me, they'll be about somewhere.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Nix!

Ok, you're doing the right things for meeting people then. Have you considered getting a part-time job too? I work part time in the students' union and I've made a lot of good friends that way.

What you're doing wrong is that you keep running back to your boyfriend, and if you keep doing this, you're eventually going to drive him away. For your own benefit and for his, you need to just put yourself out there. The people I met in my first year more or less all turned out to just be casual friends this year and I've found that the people I'm meeting this year or at least I met later on in my first year are the people I now hang around with.

Don't worry about 'messing up' your friends lives, they're your friends and I'm sure they'll be there if you truely need them.

It may take time to find a group of people you're comfortable with, but trust me, they'll be about somewhere.

Yeah...I suppose I do need a job anyway for the money lol. It's just quite difficault because I've been suffering from depression so I guess I've been a bit needy. I stopped cutting for him because it upset him so I suppose I don't really know how to cope any other way.

Thank you

Reply 12

Louenn

Don't forget that you don't instantly become best friends with new people. You can pick up good vibes about a person, but it can take (depending on how often you spend time together) a year before you can really trust someone enough to talk to them about anything you find bothering you.

Anyone you like and are getting good vibes about, take time to get to know them, and if you do that, you'll eventually be able to rely on them as well as them relying on you.

Reply 13

squigaletta

You need to realise that you have within you the capacity to cope with your own problems, hundreds of people do. You are extremely lucky that you have a bf, learn to deal with your problems and thenview your bf as a bonus.

Too dependant

Related discussions

Articles for you