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Is shyness a problem

I am hoping to start at university in September and I am becoming increasingly worried about a number of things. For example I dont think I will fit in as I am a bit of a loser and I am very shy. Im not particularly keen on things like pubbing and clubbing as I am t total. Do you think I can survive @ uni? HELP!!!! Or will it depend on the uni?

Reply 1

Lucia.

aww I'm sure you're not a loser :hugs:

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice on this. I'm very much the same as you. I'm quite shy and not really into clubbing and the like. So you're not going to be the only person at uni like that.

Reply 2

jujube

hmmm....
i'm a very shy person too, but i'm not so worried about going to uni in september because it's most likely that my friend will go to the same university.

however, what people don't realise is there are a lot more people who are exactly like you than you think! if i'm right (correct me if i'm wrong!), the majority of people enjoy socialising in clubs etc., but there's still a small but significant minority who are shy like you, and like to stick together. shyer people tend to stick together in smaller groups, but the size of the group doesn't matter - it's the quality of the friendship! uni is a big place, and there are so many different people, that it would be literally impossible not to find friends!

think of uni as an amazing opportunity to meet new people and make friends, rather than something daunting. if you try your best to have a good time, you usually will. see it as a chance to break through your shyness and be more sociable. hope that helps :wink:

Reply 3

Ourkid

I find there are things you can do to become less shy.

I found getting a job which was big on communication forced me out of my shell a little bit, enabling me to communicate better with people.

I've not been a shy individual that much so I'm not sure my advice will work.

As for clubs and stuff - just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself there. I find that when I don't drink because I'm driving or whatever that I still have fun. Arguably more so when I do drink, but if you've never clubbed when drunk you can't compare it can you? :p:

If you've never been before - give it a go before condemning it - you may love it. Pubs can be nice just to relax with friends - drink coke / lemonade.

I'm sure you'll find others similar to yourself - these threads are quite common so there must be others feeling the same as you.

w00tt

Reply 4

Beetle

Don't call yourself a loser, you'll meet people who feel the same as you about pubbing and clubbing - I don like clubs and stuff that much either. Make a resolution to be friendly and as personable as possible to evryone you meet at uni. You don have to be really confident if you're not naturally like that, cos it'll come across forced. I'm not really confident but I've found the more you talk to different types of people and push yourself to do things, the more confident you become.

It might depend on the uni. If u go to a uni in a big city then people who like city nite life and stuff are more likely to be there. Don worry about bein shy, you'll probably find you'll get more confident as you get more independant.

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 5

Reverie.

I'm basically the same as you - quite shy etc. so there'll be plenty of others like you. :smile:

Just get into the habit of pretending you're more confident than you are. Don't ever let yourself think you're a loser. Act friendly and full of self-esteem and people will see you as a fun person to be around (which I'm sure you are :smile:

)

Reply 6

djmm

I think the best way of getting over your shyness is to think about what makes you shy, and face it head on. I've never been shy as I've been a victim of the ''cool'' DJ culture since I was about 9. The most common factor for making people shy/ backwards is looks/ disabilities. The thing you've got to think about is the fact that (I'll assume it's looks and not a disability) not everyone can be like Eva Longoria -- Why the **** is she with a bald bloke!? Broke my heart she did -- so grade yourself, and you might find you're not so bad afterall; respectively. To get over it you have to accept yourself and what else you bring to the table; then you'll be happy with yourself and confidence will ooze out of you (maybe not ''ooze'', but it'll be more anyway!).

On the point about being a loser... You're going to Univ- you can't be that much of a loser, what about those kids who were ''cool'' and didn't get the grades to get them to Univ? Aren't they the losers?

The morale: we can't all be perfect, live with yourself as you are and you'll find that people will want to know you- ''loser'' or not.

Keep the peace!

Reply 7

londonboym

why not re-invent yourself? the new you lol

Reply 8

djmm

Why not stop posting unconstructive ****? I think this thread would be more appropriate to you: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=333760

Reply 9

Pitythechild

djmark perhaps you should consider that your perception of helpful might be different to somebody elses. APOLOGIES DJMARK I SEE WHAT YOU MEANT NOW YOU WERE TALKING TO THE UNHELPFUL BO!!OCKS ABOVE. TO WHICH I COMPLETELY AGREE. I THOUGHT YOUR COMMENT WAS STRANGE CONSIDERING YOUR EARLIER HELPFUL POST

Reply 10

djmm

Have a look at the rest of londonhomo's posts.

Reply 11

Siz

I was kind of shy when I started at uni too - but trust me, if you go there with a positive mindset and with an eye to making friends and meeting people, you will. You can meet definitely tee-total people at university, and they're NOT losers at all :P And while pubbing/clubbing does form a part of stereotypical student life, it doesn't have to for you.

Not all that much more advice I can give you - just remember that everyone's in the same boat when they first start. No matter how self-assured someone may seem, everyone feels a bit nervous about starting a completely new lifestyle with new people. Don't let your shyness put you off going to uni - you're not the only one who doesn't drink/like the club scene!

Good luck :smile:

Reply 12

Preeka

i was worried about the exact same things - this post has made me feel better though. :]

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

if i were you i wouldnt resign yourself to being t-total.
do you only not drink cuz you dont have friends who invite you to? or you dont like the taste? or moral reasons??
alchol will help you relax and be more sociable. their will be so much partying that i think people wont bond with you unless you join in. maybe if you were very confident you could get away with no drinking, but if your shy already, you might find it difficult

im also very shy and people tend to like me more when drunk

Reply 14

Strawberry_Pancakes

Don't alter yourself to fit in with people, you are who you are. Find different people that are compatible with YOU. Uni is a big place not everyone there is gonna be the polar-opposite of you. Head up mate

Reply 15

AlPacinoIsLush

First you've got to get this idea of being a loser out of your head-people sense stuff like this from miles and then you'll feel like an even bigger loser (talking from experience). Fake having lots of confidence, like you're acting out a part, and then gradually you'll realise you like acting confident, and like the way people respond, so it'll feel comfortable for you. But you gotta get yo'self some self-respect! You are not a loser!

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