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frustrated with relationship
ive been with my bf 4 20 months now, and up untill lately everythings been great, thought i had the best relationship etc... I dont no what it is but ive started getting really frustrated in the last week or so, everything he does annoys me, he keeps going out with his mates when we have plans and its really getting me down. I found out at christmas that he'd made a pass at one of my best mates, and its still niggling me all the time- i dont think he understands jst how hard it is 4 me 2 be around them both at the same time now. Just wondered if other ppl have felt a bit like this too at this kinda stage in a relationship, cos ive never really had problems b4, is it just me being a stupid paranoid girl lol?
It's always harsh when relationships seem to be going off. It's a real heartacher, unless both of the people invovled are mutually happy to split up and move on. Nah, course you're not being paranoid. From a girl perspective, I'd be totally the same, if not a bit less tolerant. I seriously wouldn't be happy if I knew my boyfriend had made a pass at someone else - regardless if they were drunk or not. Mind you, no one including myself is an angel so I'd be inclined to forgive him. But that wouldn't mean what he did would go away. So I understand why it's niggling at you.
My ex and I (who are now really good mates) felt that our relationship was going a bit off (him more than me unfortunately) it just took him the courage to actually tell me and confront me about it. That's what's going to smooth things over - communication. Lack of it is the demise of many relationships I believe. I reckon you should sit down, tell this guy how you feel. If he can't accept this, I think you should move on, unless you are willing to dedicate time and effort to this.
I honestly hope he sees your point of view, because it's a valid one.
My ex and I (who are now really good mates) felt that our relationship was going a bit off (him more than me unfortunately) it just took him the courage to actually tell me and confront me about it. That's what's going to smooth things over - communication. Lack of it is the demise of many relationships I believe. I reckon you should sit down, tell this guy how you feel. If he can't accept this, I think you should move on, unless you are willing to dedicate time and effort to this.
I honestly hope he sees your point of view, because it's a valid one.
Aww, everyone has rough patches...are you sure it's not one of those if he's annoying you? Having said that, making a pass at one of your mates is possibly indicative that something a bit deeper isn't right in your relationship. I think you need to have a chat with him and work out what you both want from your relationship - you have been together for a long time, but that's really not an excuse for him to treat you with less respect than you deserve by making a pass at your mate. xx
Well if you want to save the relationship the first thing you should do is tell him exactly what you think about him making a pass at your friend - as far as I'm concerned that's totally unacceptable and if he's not showing any remorse over it then alarm bells should be ringing. He needs to understand that he's upset you and be sympathetic to your feelings about being around the pair of them from now on. He should be feeling guilty and wanting to regain your trust. If there's no sign of any of those things then I would have a good hard think because it sounds like he might have been deliberately trying to hurt or annoy you. If you don't get it all out in the open now, make your feelings known, talk it out and get an apology (as well as a promise of better behaviour in future) then you're just going to end up resenting him and the frustration you're feeling now will build to a point where you have an outburst and say hurtful things that you regret. To move on you need to be sure you're not going to throw it back in his face in every argument.
My personal advice is this. If he is behaving childishly by going out with his friends when you have plans and not talking to you about it, agree to have a period of time, say a fortnight or perhaps a month, where you both get all your silly behaviour out of your systems, on the condition that when that time is over, you both have to commit to making your relationship better again, not just staying together for the sake of it. He can go out with his mates (although agree ground rules about getting with other people, or not) as much as he likes and you can spend some time with yours, doing all the things you can't do with a boyfriend like real girlie shopping, pampering and duvet evenings with the girls. Perhaps check in with each other once a week but make sure you don't pressure him into ringing you, then meet again in a non threatening environment, like over a coffee, and discuss your relationship. You've been together a while especially as you're young, and it's pretty natural to get a bit restless. Lots of people, especially guys, get to a point where they begin to miss being single but chances are all he needs is a bit of an insight into what his life would be like without you to make him wake up a bit and see what he could be throwing away. Hope things work out for you x
My personal advice is this. If he is behaving childishly by going out with his friends when you have plans and not talking to you about it, agree to have a period of time, say a fortnight or perhaps a month, where you both get all your silly behaviour out of your systems, on the condition that when that time is over, you both have to commit to making your relationship better again, not just staying together for the sake of it. He can go out with his mates (although agree ground rules about getting with other people, or not) as much as he likes and you can spend some time with yours, doing all the things you can't do with a boyfriend like real girlie shopping, pampering and duvet evenings with the girls. Perhaps check in with each other once a week but make sure you don't pressure him into ringing you, then meet again in a non threatening environment, like over a coffee, and discuss your relationship. You've been together a while especially as you're young, and it's pretty natural to get a bit restless. Lots of people, especially guys, get to a point where they begin to miss being single but chances are all he needs is a bit of an insight into what his life would be like without you to make him wake up a bit and see what he could be throwing away. Hope things work out for you x
I agree with Jennybean, actually I was just about to write exactly the same thing word for word! Bizzare!
It's wrong for him to be not showing you any respect, and as for trying it on with someone else what a tit! You should find yourself a real guy who can respect you for who you are, not some immature, youth who can't commit and wants to waves his drawing pin around the place.
Tell him how you feel, you deserve an explanation. Don't do anything you don't feel happy doing and don't ever give in to mushy, sorryness. You know what I mean!
It's wrong for him to be not showing you any respect, and as for trying it on with someone else what a tit! You should find yourself a real guy who can respect you for who you are, not some immature, youth who can't commit and wants to waves his drawing pin around the place.
Tell him how you feel, you deserve an explanation. Don't do anything you don't feel happy doing and don't ever give in to mushy, sorryness. You know what I mean!
Anonymous
ive been with my bf 4 20 months now, and up untill lately everythings been great, thought i had the best relationship etc... I dont no what it is but ive started getting really frustrated in the last week or so, everything he does annoys me, he keeps going out with his mates when we have plans and its really getting me down. I found out at christmas that he'd made a pass at one of my best mates, and its still niggling me all the time- i dont think he understands jst how hard it is 4 me 2 be around them both at the same time now. Just wondered if other ppl have felt a bit like this too at this kinda stage in a relationship, cos ive never really had problems b4, is it just me being a stupid paranoid girl lol?
Get out of it, whilst your not completly dependent on him, i know how it feels to get stuck and taken advantage of .
I agree with Jennybean but that WON'T save your relationship. After a certain point a relationship is just doomed and even if you can keep it together, at least one person will be unhappy...or not completely happy.
- Jennybean - I really like your ideas. Sigh...if every girl were like you. You're so down to earth. Damn I think I have a forum crush.
- Jennybean - I really like your ideas. Sigh...if every girl were like you. You're so down to earth. Damn I think I have a forum crush.
If its not working out then its not working out. You can't force it to work. If you're not happy then the answer is simple. After all, there will be other guys and maybe there will be more of a connection.
Well considering you wrote this almost 2 years ago, I cant imagine advice now is particularly helpful.
good shout ^
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