The Student Room Group

Feel like a social idiot.

Don't know really where to begin.

I just feel completely behind with my friends. I have a very small circle of firends I hang out with socially. About 4 say. Most of whom go to university, so I only get to see them when I come home. But I look at their various web pages etc, here their stories, and feel so jealous about the lives they lead. They go out, clubbing or whatever, and have so much fun.

I have lots of "friends". Like, I go to college two days a week, and really enjoy it. I sit with about five other girls/women and really get on with them all. Without sounding a bit boastful, I'm quite popular, as the wild 'n' crazy one.

In my job, I have several sort of friends, again, I am the kooky one.


But I don't sociale normally with any one of them.


I seem to attract older people, I don't know why. Which is part of the reason I don't socialise much. I don't go out practically anywhere at all, unless my friends are at home. I have one pregnant friend, who I shop with, but that's about it.

I lead a busy lifestyle, Monday to Friday, and only get the weekends to do stuff.

My parents think I am weird, because I don't go out and get drunk like my younger sister, I don't bring boyfriends home ( I am 20, and a virgin). I don't seem to attract men either. I wonder if it's because I am tooo loud and humourous. I heard a male friend say that men don't do funny girls.

Am I weird because I need time to myself? Or that I don't get drunk every weekend?

But I also want to do something more, more sociable. What do people suggest? How can I suggest to my friends at college or work that we hang out sometime?

I gues I am just feeling a bit depressed, and need a bit of pity me time!
Reply 1
Post a pic of you.
Reply 2
From what you said I can't really believe you consider yourself to be a social idiot.

You say you are popular and from your description known as the kooky and/or wild 'n' crazy person however you don't socialise with them "normally" I guess that makes sense because you lead a busy lifestyle. If you would like to socialise normally/further with your "friends" at college and at your workplace why don't you just slow down/free up some time to at least get to know your friends and colleagues at work further.

Don't compare your life with your friends and be jealous, obviously your lifestyle is different to theirs but in time you'll have time to go clubbing and whatnot.

Furthermore I guess you should just ask to go out, either soon or after you get to know your friends more and build that bond - I guess once you get to know them more you could think up of somewhere to go in the weekend with them to something which they are all comfortable with.

Not being rude but your parents were quite mean in calling you weird; everyone has different tastes on how to spend their free time, and if that involves alcohol/going out clubbing or not then so be it - do you actually pursue/desire to get drunk? No? That's totally fine, it's your choice on how YOU spend your time (the weekend is your "me" time :P). Again you have a busy lifestyle so spend that time (weekend) to do what YOU LIKE and what YOU think uses up your time appropriately.

Also the one guy saying "men don't do funny girls." is a harsh and silly generalisation of the male population which frankly shouldn't be taken seriously. Maybe you see it as though you don't attract men but I bet some guy is going to be attracted by your kooky-ness and love your wild n crazy self - heck how do you know someone hasn't been attracted to you but just too shy/haven't had the chance to normally socialise with you?

Right this post is lengthy as it is, hope my advice actually helped you/cheered you up/given enough pity time or something!
Apologies if I haven't made much sense...
Take care and all the best, I'm sure things will be fine in time. :P
If you're still depressed, :hugs: cheer up!
Reply 3
The only men who 'don't do funny girls' are the ones who feel inadequate next to them; as some men like to be thought of as the funny one.
Reply 4
You sound fine to me! :smile:
Oh, and - cliched, but don't change yourself to attract men. You sound like a really nice, outgoing person.
Reply 5
Stubo
Post a pic of you.

LOL!

To the OP, you need to start actively making time to do things, even if it feels like a chore to begin with - routine is comfortable, remember. Set aside time to hang out with these various groups, and you will start to feel like you have more of a life as you gel more intimately in your chosen groups. I get the feeling you're holding back. When you do this you never really get the best out of your social life.
Reply 6
Stubo
Post a pic of you.


Simple, practicle and a means to an end! love it.
Reply 7
Omg, you say "you're quite popular" and you consider yourself a social idiot.

Just relax - there is so much more in life.
Thanks for the comments everyone.

Things have changed a little - I am talking alot more to people in college that are my age, and get on well with them - I'm now frightened that my other friends will feel I have used them in some way! :frown:
Reply 9
Anonymous
Don't know really where to begin.

I just feel completely behind with my friends. I have a very small circle of firends I hang out with socially. About 4 say. Most of whom go to university, so I only get to see them when I come home. But I look at their various web pages etc, here their stories, and feel so jealous about the lives they lead. They go out, clubbing or whatever, and have so much fun.

I have lots of "friends". Like, I go to college two days a week, and really enjoy it. I sit with about five other girls/women and really get on with them all. Without sounding a bit boastful, I'm quite popular, as the wild 'n' crazy one.

In my job, I have several sort of friends, again, I am the kooky one.


But I don't sociale normally with any one of them.


I seem to attract older people, I don't know why. Which is part of the reason I don't socialise much. I don't go out practically anywhere at all, unless my friends are at home. I have one pregnant friend, who I shop with, but that's about it.

I lead a busy lifestyle, Monday to Friday, and only get the weekends to do stuff.

My parents think I am weird, because I don't go out and get drunk like my younger sister, I don't bring boyfriends home ( I am 20, and a virgin). I don't seem to attract men either. I wonder if it's because I am tooo loud and humourous. I heard a male friend say that men don't do funny girls.

Am I weird because I need time to myself? Or that I don't get drunk every weekend?

But I also want to do something more, more sociable. What do people suggest? How can I suggest to my friends at college or work that we hang out sometime?

I gues I am just feeling a bit depressed, and need a bit of pity me time!


Why don't you just be yourself and stop worrying about other people and all the fun that they'd have you believe they are having?
Reply 10
I would just suggest you be yourself. Not going out isn't a bad thing. I'm a university student now, and I don't go out at all. I have a small group of friends too, and I prefer staying in and relaxing! Join some societies or something! Do you enjoy sports?
Reply 11
Im eighteen and although im a little younger Ive got some advice. Chill out! If you think your behind your friends, in respect think of why. Is it confidence? Self esteem? Do you find it hard to connect to them? Are you depressed? Then learn about improving yourself, or even go and see a psychiatrist about it. Ive got an anxiety problem and low self confidence, and im seeing a psychiatrist about it. My situation is VERY similar, if not a lot worse than yours, but I have hope and by this time next year I think Ill be about 70% better than I am already. You can do it! PM me if you want.