What's wrong with me? I can't be alone anymore, anxiety playing up. Year 13 exams :S Watch
1 year ago during AS results. I messed up, I really didn't get the grades that I wanted especially in maths. I spent 1 month fully overthinking and was very upset. I couldn't get into Maths at A2 which made it worse. Then, months progressed started to really enjoy life. Went on holiday during Christmas, came back and got into quite a sick new years party which was amazing and top night. But like for the past 8 months or whatever, I would hardly go to bed before 12. Even on school days, but would make up at approx 7.30-8. Then start of Feb, I stayed up to watch the entire superbowl (start of Feb). I don't even watch NFL but as a sports fanatic, felt I had to. That lasted at like 4.30? I went to school the next day.. 4 hr sleep which is the lowest I've ever had. Then the whole day , I even complained to my mate, that I wasn't feeling very well around the chest/heart area. Then, after school I was walking with a mate and suddenly my heart started beating rapidly and I had to sit down. This was the start of my heart palpitations. It's really annoying on reflection as it's the last few months of the final school year, where you're meant to really enjoy life. Got checked up by the GP that day and he wrongly prescribed me painkillers which was wrong and I used for a month. A few weeks later, I had a case of it near midnight, this time my dad drove us to the closest A & E and they took the first of my ECG. There, I found I had a heart arrhythmia which needed to be checked out. GP there said I was ok.
Then, a few weeks after that, I had another case of heart palpitations. These were isolated experiences and i'm sort of calm over them now. That time, I took it really seriously and couldn't calm myself. We then went to a bigger A&E. Where they took blood samples, ECG and me checked out by an doctor. He said, I was fine just maybe anxiety and lack of sleep were cases.But like, that friday I had a pre planned lads night out for my mate's birthday and I was never gonna say no to that. So, it was ok that night but a few times I wasn't feeling right but sort of calmed it off. I tried to learn relaxation techniques and all that. This point, I still didn't know what I had. I let my main friends know about my situation and they understood just as insurance in school. But like really, since that day I haven't been myself in lessons or with my mates. I would still overthink and yh; I felt that i've gone thinner and a darker skin tone and i've lost weight. I stopped going to the gym for a month, gradually eased back in for 2/3 weeks but since March, I've probably been about 15 times and don't do as much activity or intensity. Which is a change from going 3-5 times a week for 5 months.
In school, also there have been times where i've felt not right at all and the start of palpitions. I wouldn't feel well and I would leave the room where I felt I had to at that moment, usually with a random excuse and embarassed myself on a couple occassions hmm. Only one subject teacher knew about my problems and they understood when I had to leave the room on a couple occasions. It just became really hard, we paid £70 for a school trip in october which we went to in march and I began overthinking. I wasn't feeling right on the 2 hour coach journey but didn't change my mind. I kept thinking, like they could stop me by this junction or whatever and I could call my mum. But, I went through with it and it was a great experience as I got up on stage.My heart was racing and felt I could have a heart attack on stage but adrenalin took over I think. I went with my mates to a concert a month ago, wasn't feeling right at all suddenly, and I almost tried to run through a closing underground tube door. I pressed the button, couldn't open and had another case of palpitations there. It sort of went ok but the fireworks really made me jump and I've never been that sort of person. Like, I used to easily watch horror films. Now, I'm worried about if I can go on a rollercoaster and experience that feeling. Or worse of all, if I could go on a plane when it takes off and lands, and i'm scheduled to be on 4 this summer :/ When there's a mob of people jumping around and stuff, I couldn't really join in as I would experience this distorted feeling. I even had to reject going on a couple nights out and not drink a decent amount of alcohol. I just need to get rid of it and get on with my life.
That's sort of the background but it's gone up another level past couple weeks. I felt basically fully normal for 3 weeks. Literally, I could go on nights out and really enjoy it. Then, one day, I was walking by myself to school and started overthinking of how, like what if something happens to me when i'm by myself. Like I got on to this mindset, it would have to be here as thats where the main road and the cars are so someone could do something. Then I started feeling iffy which hadn't happen in a few weeks. Then my worst case of palpitations hit. Heart basically started racing, then tried to calm down but raced even more and again. I called my mate who basically rushed by me and this was a few minutes from school. Started feeling a bit better but not fully normal so went directly home where i've felt better again. But like since then, i've sort of felt ok at times but not fully normal. Went on my last night out before exams for leaver's day, it was ok but again didn't' drink a lot. I was walking with a mate, then I was a gonna get a lift which I asked for as I was worrying if something happened to me again. My mate and I seperated and for a couple mins I was by myself and not feeling well at all. Got a lift back home, then for the remaining school days I got lifts back home. One time a couple weeks ago, I didn't and my mate was driving and dropped me off 10 mins from my house. I was walking and sort of felt ok. But then, this random hail storm came in and then my heart really started racing again, completely due to luck there was a shop right near me. But it was one of the worse experiences i've had, felt like I was going down, I crossed the road without looking at cars which I still think about. But since then, I've basically been at home and haven't been fully focused for revision. I opted out of doing an option AS maths retake. I've got another one tommorow, which I haven't done much prep for as I have so much A2 work to do. Not sure whether I'll do it though, I'm going to do a past paper later and if it's an improvement and if i'm well enough i'll go. But the last few days have been hard, I tried going to the gym a week ago with my mate. I was ok, but then had to go downstairs and was by myself and just started feeling iffy again walking up the stairs.. Got a lift back home.
Like the main issue now, is that I can't be alone now. I tried walking a minute away from my house on 4 seperate days as i'm at home the whole day and a small distance and I have to go back. Like this is a massive issue now and not sure how I can solve it. Like i'm in this mindset that something will happen me and i'm already thinking that I have to be by people so they can do something just incase. I've walked with others and i seem to be ok. I haven't been home alone this week and today I was for 30 min. As soon as my sister told me that she was leaving for her exam, I think it's anxiety started playing up again. I had to take my keys and go out of the house one a few occasions and there i would see my neighbor or something. When i'm in my room by myself for hours on end i don't really care but this mindset is horrible. This is the first time, i'm voicing all my issues for the past few months and my troubles to a medium. Not sure what I can do. CBT? anxiety Focus group? Worse thing is,i've googled up my issues and see people like who've had this for decades and they're in their 50's and 40's. I just want it to be over by my holidays in August :/ Not sure who'll actually take their time out to read all this (just looking back, can't believe I wrote a whole essay!) but I would truly appreciate one person taking their time out and giving me a positive comment or how I could solve this issue. The events of the last week are really hmm discouraging me.
If you want to contact me, I'll respond to each post. I will also email or whatever, but can anyone on here help me or point me to the right direction of where I can find my solution?
2)you can't be alone, obviusly as your worried you might be vunerable to you heart problems
3) your constantly worried your not going to get your grades.
All of this is stress, your stressing out over nothing to be honest this probaly has implications for your heart, as doctors have said theres nothing wrong with it physcially shown by the ecg. Best to go to your GP and tell him how you think stress might be the factor as i'm no expert. Good luck