Feeling pushed out

Ok this is a bit random, i'll try to keep it short, when I was 19 my dad died suddenly, I'd only left home a year before for uni so was still at that really close with parents stage and as I am the youngest of my siblings I ended up spending a lot of time with my mum. I'd go home regular, helped her organise things after my dad died notifying people etc, helped her move house, sorted out her motgage etc. Anyway I have a bedroom at home and a key and could always go home whenever I wanted, I call my house in Coventry home but I could always go there.

About 4 months ago my mum started dating this guy who has 2 kids both under 10 and already shes becoming like their step-mum, they go out places together, he spends a lot of time there and now his kids stay over. The bloke is nice enough but not my kind of person so I feel like i can't go home now, feels like I have nowhere to go. Shes asked this bloke to move in already and they have discussed buying a house together, it just seems so rushed.

Its been three years since my dad died so I know my mum needed to move on but its so hard, she hardly ever calls me now and i know this blokes daughter now calls my room her room. I explained to my mum today I was going to come back at somepoint to move my things out, she said theres no need but I think there is. Am i being stupid?

My mum also expects me to be friends with his children, keeps going on about bring them up to ice skating, i already have two brothers and a sister and plenty of friends, why would I wanted to hang out with his kids, im 16years old than one of them! Then she got upset when i left to come back to Coventry on Boxing day as she knew I was coming back to an empty house but couldnt understand why I didnt want to stay and go shopping with him and his children.

I think I over analyse things too much, I just find it really strange that theres someone else around, im used to it being mum and dad or just my mum. I've even thought about what would we do with my mums ashes when she dies. Before we would have added them to my dads but what now? I know its a stupid thing to think and she'll probably be around for ages to come but my brain gets carried away.

I know there must be plenty of people out there who have had to deal with new partners in their parents lives, any tips to make it easier?

Sorry this is long, im confused and to top it off my sister who i'd normally talk to is on holiday for 2weeks so i'm feeling all alone :frown:

Reply 1

Jeremy

I don't think anyone here can make a qualified decision, I am sorry for your loss and I wish the situation will sort itself out. Try finding a counsellor, maybe a free one or someone who you are really close too. You are probably feeling like you are being replaced, I used to get that feeling when my mum took in a homeless friend of mine, I didn't mind it but he had ADHD and would sometimes come home from the pub blisteringly drunk and wake me up and its a small bungalow with maybe 7 people living in it. It shouldn't matter if you don't see eye-to-eye with the new guy and his children, just make an effort to be supportive.

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