The Student Room Group

Am I being too much of a prude?

I’m a 17 year old girl and I’m wondering if I’m being too prudish. I’ve made a conscious decision to practice abstinence at least until I’m in love and in a relationship. I see sex as a romantic experience and I only want to have it if I’m sure that it’s with the right person. I think it’s like a special gift. You wouldn’t give it to just anyone.

I don’t like one night stands because I perceive sex as so spiritually entwined that someone would inevitably get hurt. It’s such a powerful connection. I also think that a woman or indeed a man would have more self-respect if they didn’t sleep around.

I dress fairly modestly as well e.g. I won’t wear skirts that go above the knee or wear extremely low cut tops.

While I do hold these views, it’s not my purpose to be judgmental. I do respect a person’s right to live their life any way they so wish. And I do accept that people have different opinions. Each to their own etc…

But I did wonder if I’m being too uptight, because no-one seems to share my views. I’ve had some flack from guys because I’m not interested in hook-ups. I asked my dad about this and he said that most guys see that sex comes before a relationship and not the other way around like I see it.

I’m starting to think my beliefs are a big problem. Do you think I am being too much of a prude? :frown:

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Reply 1
no not at all, I think this is a very mature view you have of sex. Personally I agree with you, sex is a special connection bettween two people and should be saved as an act of love. I can't see this being a problem tbh as there are plenty of people around who will feel the same but your dad is right some guys may be put off by it
Reply 2
Well, it all depends on what you mean by 'love'. I totally agree that sex should be confined to a relationship and would suggest that a month or so is a decent enough time to wait before sex should enter a relationship. But to wait until you are in love with someone is perhaps a little strong. It can take months or even years before you realise you love someone-some would even argue that you can't know you love somone until you have shared the special bond that sex brings.

Also, I wish to suggest that your dad is right but I believe he means it in a more innocent way then I think you have interpreted it. As I see it, you wouldn't want a relationship with someone you don't fancy would you? So in some respects, no one enters a relationship without sex at least being in the back of their mind.
Ahhhh I wish I could so be so idealistic... I'm a man trapped in a woman's body. Bah.
Reply 4
Visiting_Babylon
Ahhhh I wish I could so be so idealistic... I'm a man trapped in a woman's body. Bah.

:ditto:
Reply 5
OP, you sound rather like me! I don't think it's prudish to only want to have sex during a loving relationship, as long as you don't automatically label those who think differently as sluts. XD Perhaps it is a little idealistic in this world of sex, sex and more sex, but I don't think your beliefs are a big problem.
Reply 6
:ditto:

Seriously, don't worry about it. There are guys out there who want a serious relationship.
No your not. But the kind of guys that share you belief are usually the relgious ones.
Reply 8
She's not saying 'no sex before marriage', you dolt. Otherwise I'd agree with you.

All she's saying is that she wants to wait until she's in a loving relationship before she has sex. There are plenty of guys out there who agree, believe me.
Reply 9
Everyone's opinion is different. If you're waiting to be in love before you have sex, it's just gonna take a very long while though. That's a pretty idealistic situation you're waiting for. Good luck with that.
No I don't think you're being a prude at all! Its like you said - a person has a right to live their life how they so wish! I respect you for having that attitude, and I agree that less people would probably get hurt in the long run if everyone stopped sleeping around.
Reply 11
Nah you're not. I'm with you on the one night stands view, i don't think i'd have one. Personally because i'm quite an emotional person and i view sex as something special. Anyway you're bound to find a decent man who will wait before the two of you have sex :smile: (they do exist)
I've had a "one night stand" before, but in the end it turned out to not be one because the person I slept with is now my boyfriend :smile:
xlouisedoll
I've had a "one night stand" before, but in the end it turned out to not be one because the person I slept with is now my boyfriend :smile:


then its not a one night stand is it?:rolleyes:

to the OP
- yours is a very sensible view and if more people held it Britain wouldnt have the highest teengage pregnancy rate in Europe! I also think that there are plenty of guys out there who think the same way.
OP I share your views and I really respect you for them.
Good on you OP! I believe in your views but I dress, ummmm.... skimpier than you, lol (I hate skirts that go below the knee and wear low-cut tops fairly often.)

I had a one-night stand (I'd only spoken to the guy once or twice and the one-night-stand came after dancing, talking and kissing, which happened a week before :zmog: :eek:) and really regretted it, but - amazingly - I've been with the same person for 2.5 years!
seeing as you havent labeld all those who enjoy sex outside of loving relationships as sluts and whores of babylon then i think you a NOT a prude you just have a standard of beliefs. They are old fashioned as you yourself have found out but they are beliefs that you have.

If you want to wait then thats entirely your choice and no one has the right to abuse that belief.

However i will say this, sex is fun it doesnt have to always be a deep emotional experiance, sometimes its for lust
You don't sound prude at all :p:
There's many people like you who want to wait until a serious relationship when they feel ready and love the person they're with. :smile:
no i fully agree with the op. and im a guy.
Sadly we live in a sex and celebrity -centric culture , but this doesn't mean we should conform
Reply 19
I waited until I was in a loving relationship.
There are plenty of people who feel the same, it just seems that everyone is obsessed with sex.