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    (Original post by charlord)
    yeh they will - do you not really want to tell anyone that your having problems with food?
    I've had depression since i was 16 (i'm 19 now). To be honest they seemed bored with the novelty of having a friend who always has problems. When i was in hospital, a lot of them came to see what a psych ward looked like, rather than to see how i was. Some of them i could tell, but they seem to expect me to just "get over" stuff and i haven't. 4 years is a long time to be "patient" for them i guess. I cope as best i can, i've learnt who my real friends are and i don't seem to have as many as i thought.

    But chin up, i'm gonna be a doctor! (grades permitting) And i'll make sure that anyone i treat with similar conditions won't have to go through the trauma of being treated like a leper because they've been brave enough to try and get help.
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    (Original post by Sarky)
    I've had depression since i was 16 (i'm 19 now). To be honest they seemed bored with the novelty of having a friend who always has problems. When i was in hospital, a lot of them came to see what a psych ward looked like, rather than to see how i was. Some of them i could tell, but they seem to expect me to just "get over" stuff and i haven't. 4 years is a long time to be "patient" for them i guess. I cope as best i can, i've learnt who my real friends are and i don't seem to have as many as i thought.

    But chin up, i'm gonna be a doctor! (grades permitting) And i'll make sure that anyone i treat with similar conditions won't have to go through the trauma of being treated like a leper because they've been brave enough to try and get help.
    its horrible to admit but i sort of can see what your saying, a lot of my friends havnt been that supportive and I guess to an extent I could have been there alot more. It is completely up to you whether you tell anyone, on my part, I would much rather my friend has totally fessed up to me from the beginning. It was the most horrible thing to feel so helpless and havign to wait until she was so frail that the doctors didnt think she would come out of hospital beofr she started telling me
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    (Original post by charlord)
    its horrible to admit but i sort of can see what your saying, a lot of my friends havnt been that supportive and I guess to an extent I could have been there alot more. It is completely up to you whether you tell anyone, on my part, I would much rather my friend has totally fessed up to me from the beginning. It was the most horrible thing to feel so helpless and havign to wait until she was so frail that the doctors didnt think she would come out of hospital beofr she started telling me

    I guess its a denial thing. The more people i tell, the more people will keep an eye on me and the more real it will seem. Also last time i had the thought that i would tell people close i lost a lot of friends who couldn't cope with having a "crazy" friend. Also there's a thin line between telling people and coming across as an attention seeker which i've had before and i don't want.

    Well done on trying to be a supportive friend, its people like you that keep people like me going when there doesn't seem to be much else.

    I just got a grey gem thingy :confused: Whoever that was, what did i say wrong? PM me and tell me je suis tres confused.
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    (Original post by Sarky)

    I just got a grey gem thingy :confused: Whoever that was, what did i say wrong? PM me and tell me je suis tres confused.
    You get them from members who don't have enough 'points' to give good/bad rep. If it doesn't have a negative comment, don't worry about it.
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    (Original post by LS.)
    You get them from members who don't have enough 'points' to give good/bad rep. If it doesn't have a negative comment, don't worry about it.
    Ah i see, thanks very much.
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    (Original post by Sarky)
    I've had depression since i was 16 (i'm 19 now). To be honest they seemed bored with the novelty of having a friend who always has problems. When i was in hospital, a lot of them came to see what a psych ward looked like, rather than to see how i was. Some of them i could tell, but they seem to expect me to just "get over" stuff and i haven't. 4 years is a long time to be "patient" for them i guess. I cope as best i can, i've learnt who my real friends are and i don't seem to have as many as i thought.

    But chin up, i'm gonna be a doctor! (grades permitting) And i'll make sure that anyone i treat with similar conditions won't have to go through the trauma of being treated like a leper because they've been brave enough to try and get help.
    god, you sound a lot like me! just readfing your posts is wierd. basically on the same kinda timescale - age 16, through sixth form. i slumped from an 11 A* student to 4 Us as i was in hospital for my A levels... is gutting, cos noone will judge you on your intelligence and potential, just what grades you got!!! its really brave to want to retake go back and help people, treat them differently to how you were treated - i couldnt, but that may be because i am still ill. i remember having tubes forced up my nose and drugs pumped into me, and all those threats about how the police would hunt me down if i broke my section - all traumatic stuff and i dont think i could ever watch it happen to other people. most of my psychiatrists/ nurses have been excellent though, mainly just the ones in general medecine who have NO IDEA about problems in the head department! there was a time where i got moved from my psych hospital to the local A&E cos i had done something very naughty and needed a load of scans and x-rays, the doctor was appaling. even though my nurses explained i was barmy and couldnt speak... he just shouyted questions at me over and over before shutting me in a tiny yellow room with about 10 nurses. this is NOT how to treat human beings!!!!
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    Thats ok.

    I understand about friends seeing illness as a novelty. I don't want to exactly highlight my medical problems, bu basically, after the results of a scan she said, "Oh, I thought you were gonna be diagnosed with X, pitty you weren't' (X = a degenerative disease). Because she thought it would be 'cool' to have a friend with it

    The other thing that sickens me is when you have a person going round attention seeking saying "oo...the doctor thinks I have diabetes/anorexia ect - I'm fragile, be nice to me" - to every person they know.

    Sarky - Its nice to know that your getting better and living out your dreams! Best of luck girl :cool:
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    (Original post by fifi53)
    god, you sound a lot like me! just readfing your posts is wierd. basically on the same kinda timescale - age 16, through sixth form. i slumped from an 11 A* student to 4 Us as i was in hospital for my A levels... is gutting, cos noone will judge you on your intelligence and potential, just what grades you got!!! its really brave to want to retake go back and help people, treat them differently to how you were treated - i couldnt, but that may be because i am still ill. i remember having tubes forced up my nose and drugs pumped into me, and all those threats about how the police would hunt me down if i broke my section - all traumatic stuff and i dont think i could ever watch it happen to other people. most of my psychiatrists/ nurses have been excellent though, mainly just the ones in general medecine who have NO IDEA about problems in the head department! there was a time where i got moved from my psych hospital to the local A&E cos i had done something very naughty and needed a load of scans and x-rays, the doctor was appaling. even though my nurses explained i was barmy and couldnt speak... he just shouyted questions at me over and over before shutting me in a tiny yellow room with about 10 nurses. this is NOT how to treat human beings!!!!
    I'm sorry to hear you're still ill. I won't give you any false platitudes because you know what its like. I find it quite strange being on a forum such as this where most people judge everyone else on their academic ability. Thank you for writing that, nice to hear i'm not alone. If you ever want to chat pm me, i'll try not to tell you it will all be fine and the world is a great place, but i can be a great listener.
    And thanks for the kind words LS!
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    (Original post by Tinykates)
    then you won't have anorexia nervosa, because that's only when you're unaware that you have an eating problem. i think it's a combination of all those things
    You couldn't be more wrong.
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    (Original post by Tinykates)
    then you won't have anorexia nervosa, because that's only when you're unaware that you have an eating problem. i think it's a combination of all those things
    no...i dont think i have a problem. my family does....they're making me go see a doctor and everything. they make me eat....EVEN THOUGH IM NOT HUNGRY!
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    So what do you do when you've got a friend who doesn't eat because she thinks she's a bad person, and she's only just opened up to me and actually told me it hurts like hell and she gets such bad pains from it but she deserves it??

    I don't know what to do or say, but she doesn't want to see a doctor or anything which I can accept - I used to self-harm and my doctor was so patronising I never went back.

    If anybody could offer me any advice I'd really appreciate it - I feel I can relate to her in a way because I know how it feels to think you deserve to hurt, but I can't help her at the end of the day I can only be there for support.

    Anybody ever been in this situation? Or have any ideas on what I should do?
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    (Original post by zombie)
    So what do you do when you've got a friend who doesn't eat because she thinks she's a bad person, and she's only just opened up to me and actually told me it hurts like hell and she gets such bad pains from it but she deserves it??

    I don't know what to do or say, but she doesn't want to see a doctor or anything which I can accept - I used to self-harm and my doctor was so patronising I never went back.

    If anybody could offer me any advice I'd really appreciate it - I feel I can relate to her in a way because I know how it feels to think you deserve to hurt, but I can't help her at the end of the day I can only be there for support.

    Anybody ever been in this situation? Or have any ideas on what I should do?

    Thats a really difficult situation. I have a friend who has similar problems and because i've been there i can't be a hypocrite and tell her it will get better once she goes to the doctors. I just try and tell her that i'm always there when she needs to talk, and that i'll go to the doctors/hospital etc with her to provide support. I try not to pressure her because i know what thats like. I want to do more, but now i'm better when i look back she never forced me or betrayed my trust. Obviously i've told her that if i'm worried she'll be in serious trouble that i'll have to tell someone because i couldn't stand back and let anything happen to her. Its so difficult to know what to do for the best.
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    (Original post by curryADD)
    no...i dont think i have a problem. my family does....they're making me go see a doctor and everything. they make me eat....EVEN THOUGH IM NOT HUNGRY!
    ok. sorry
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    (Original post by zombie)
    So what do you do when you've got a friend who doesn't eat because she thinks she's a bad person, and she's only just opened up to me and actually told me it hurts like hell and she gets such bad pains from it but she deserves it??

    I don't know what to do or say, but she doesn't want to see a doctor or anything which I can accept - I used to self-harm and my doctor was so patronising I never went back.

    If anybody could offer me any advice I'd really appreciate it - I feel I can relate to her in a way because I know how it feels to think you deserve to hurt, but I can't help her at the end of the day I can only be there for support.

    Anybody ever been in this situation? Or have any ideas on what I should do?
    Perhaps try to divert this not eating to something else equally painful but less harmful, such as revision?

    Seems like such a waste of a strong will power!
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    (Original post by Tinykates)
    it's not wrong - they are the clinical charactersitics. i'm not saying she doesn't have an eating disorder, i'm telling you a key characteristic of anorexia nervosa is that the person doesn't know they have a problem. curry has admitted that seh does.
    I see. And have you suffered from anorexia nervosa yourself? If you visit the site I provided a link to http://www.something-fishy.org/ you'll see that there are as many causes as there are sufferers. Not everyone is a text book case.

    Eating Disorders



    The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem

    Anorexia Nervosa
    Those who are suffering with this illness have a low self-esteem and often a tremendous need to control their surroundings and emotions. This Eating Disorder is a unique reaction to a variety of external and internal conflicts, such as stress, anxiety, unhappiness and feeling like life is out of control. Anorexia is a negative way to cope with these emotions.

    "...starvation fills a void inside when it's approval from you I crave. The desire for food is gone and you are there again... yelling... so negative. Times like this filled with the pounding urge to run far away and disappear..."

    The person suffering with Anorexia may be abnormally sensitive about being perceived as fat, or have a massive fear of becoming fat -- though not all people living with Anorexia have this fear. They may be afraid of losing control over the amount of food they eat, accompanied by the desire to control their emotions and reactions to their emotions. With a low self-esteem and need for acceptance they will turn to obsessive dieting and starvation as a way to control not only their weight, but their feelings and actions regarding the emotions attached. Some also feel that they do not deserve pleasure out of life, and will deprive themselves of situations offering pleasure (including eating).

    Some of the behavioral signs can be: obsessive exercise, calorie and fat gram counting, starvation and restriction of food, self-induced vomiting, the use of diet pills, laxatives or diuretics to attempt controlling weight, and a persistent concern with body image. See Also, Signs and Symptoms.

    It is not uncommon for people suffering with Anorexia to waver through periods of Bulimia (binging and purging) as well.

    "... lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night... the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay... "

    It is important to point out that there can be a number of ways a person suffering from Anorexia can portray their disorder. The inherent trait of a person suffering Anorexia is to attempt to maintain strict control over food intake. In a number of cases a man or woman suffering will seem to eat normal meals with only periods of restriction. Anorexics are sometimes known to eat junk food, particularly candy, to drink a lot of coffee or tea, and/or to smoke. They may deny hunger, make excuses to avoid eating, will often hide food they claim to have eaten, use diet pills to control appetite, or attempt to purge the food away with self-induced vomiting, or by taking laxatives.

    "...Emotions control me... make me hide in a safe place of silence.... my mind stays distant from what my heart feels. If I say it... it's real... so I say nothing. I can't touch it... if I did I would curl up or crumble. I may seem to be made by heart of stone.... but really just chalk... and I'm afraid to face the possibility that I could easily turn to dust..."

    Both Anorexia and Bulimia...
    There are many similarities in both illnesses, the most common being the cause. There seems to be a common occurence of sexual and/or physical and emotional abuse in direct relation to eating disorders (though not all people living with Eating Disorders are survivors of abuse). There also seems to be a direct connection in some people to clinical Depression. The eating disorder sometimes causes the depression or the depression can lead to the eating disorder. All in all, eating disorders are very complex emotional issues -- Though they may seem to be nothing more than a dangerously obsessive weight concern on the surface, for most men and women suffering with an eating disorder there are deeper emotional conflicts to be resolved.

    "...the only blame I cast is on myself... for wanting the happiness I couldn't have... and still now, can't believe I deserve..."


    Diagnostic Criteria
    The following is considered the "text book" definition of Anorexia Nervosa to assist doctors in making a clinical diagnosis... it is in no way representative of what a sufferer feels or experiences in living with the illness. It is important to note that you can still suffer from Anorexia even if one of the below signs is not present (also see the Signs and Symptoms section). In other words, if you think you have Anorexia, it's dangerous to read the diagnostic criteria and think "I don't have one of the symptoms, so I must not be Anorexic".
    1. Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected; or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected).
    2. Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight.
    3. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight.
    4. In postmenarcheal females (women who have not yet gone through menopause), amenorrhea (the absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles).

      • Restricting Type: during the current episode of Anorexia Nervosa, the person has not regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (i.e., self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas)
      • Binge-Eating Type or Purging Type: during the current episode of Anorexia Nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating OR purging behavior (i.e., self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas)
    "...the reflection staring back at me is not what you see... my guilt running the need to destroy my duration... forcing me to seek guidance on an empty plate of stolen dreams and fractured rainbows..."
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    if you looked back you'd see i've deleted my posts. i withdraw from this thread
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    (Original post by zombie)
    So what do you do when you've got a friend who doesn't eat because she thinks she's a bad person, and she's only just opened up to me and actually told me it hurts like hell and she gets such bad pains from it but she deserves it??

    I don't know what to do or say, but she doesn't want to see a doctor or anything which I can accept - I used to self-harm and my doctor was so patronising I never went back.

    If anybody could offer me any advice I'd really appreciate it - I feel I can relate to her in a way because I know how it feels to think you deserve to hurt, but I can't help her at the end of the day I can only be there for support.

    Anybody ever been in this situation? Or have any ideas on what I should do?
    do they hear voices saying that they dont deserve to eat? or is it just something they have "realised" themselves? for a relatively short period i was stopped from eating by my ever-present voices... and if thats the case for them too then the really need help. even if its more simple than that, that its a form of self harm and punishment, then theres clearly some major issues in there that need to be sorted. i ended up being fed through a tube up my nose... dont let it get that far.
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    I don't think she's hearing voices as such.

    Thing is, she was the one who was there for me when I needed to talk to someone and I know she must have felt so helpless then herself. Now she's the one in trouble, and I feel helpless.

    She sooooooooo thin, and I tend to watch her at lunch and stuff to see how much she's eating. Not obviously, just keeping an eye out. Sometimes she nibbles on something, sometimes she doesn't eat anything.

    She shakes a lot too, like just randomly. We'll be talking at school and she'll just go all shakey. It's well scary because I can imagine how much it hurts and how she must feel but I can't stop her from doing it.

    I just have no idea what to do, because she doesn't really believe she has an ED because she says she doesn't do it to be thin, she does it to hurt herself. Plus, she doesn't binge and purge... just eats enough to stay alive basically. Is there such an eating disorder? In which you just eat very very little? I just know nothing about them.
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    (Original post by zombie)
    Plus, she doesn't binge and purge... just eats enough to stay alive basically. Is there such an eating disorder? In which you just eat very very little? I just know nothing about them.
    Anorexia Nervosa doesn't typically involve binge/purge type behaviour. But there are more eating disorders out there than AN and BN - I just know them from psych.

    Just try being honest with her. Tell her that you want to help, and wish you could say the right things. Tell her that you don't think she's a bad person... Of course, these are only suggestions. You could always try ringing the samaritans and trying to get advice from them.
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    (Original post by risk-is-good)
    Anyone doing AS Psychology can give you a list of reasons, but I personally think that the Media is the greatest influence.
    The media is just an excuse.

    personal feelings of inadequacy and an inability to feel in control of ones life are the two main triggers.
 
 
 
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