What an arranged marriage like ?

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Anonymous #1
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Im a British Pakistani and as many people know some Pakistanis have arranged marriages. Im just wondering whats your experience of this, personally my parents want me to have my own choice as they claim many people in Pakistani would only have the marrage for there own reasons such as money.

I like someone Ive met from Pakistan and she's like a family friend, im still in contact with her but if it was to happen it is sort of arranged as you ask for the marriage. Those who have or know of anyone who has had an arranged marriage whats it like ?

Flirting and things is a bit awkward as its viewed as taboo and so is sex, however having sex is very important in a marriage, but I dont know what I can expect.. I mean ive never seen a couple kiss there. I would like t greet her with a kiss and say goodbye with a kiss. But there ive never seen anyone do this.

So what do you think ?
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Anonymous #2
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The majority of my relatives have had arranged marriages, and typically what they would do is just spend the next few months hanging out, one on one so they can get to know one another. There are some benefits of it, however I would personally want to choose myself. I had one cousin who had an arranged marriage and everything seemed fine at first however after they got married, my cousin found out that her husband was addicted to gambling so she soon divorced him. I don't think Asians understand how important it is to truly get to know the person before you marry them instead of marrying after a few months. Your spouse is the one person you will spend the rest of your life with, they're the only person you can have sex with and your children are going to have 50% of their genes. So, personally I wouldn't want an arranged marriage for myself as I think marriage is too important to have it all organised in the space of a few months.
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SceneKid17
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Yeah same my parents wouldn’t force me to marry anyone I didn’t want to, they would give me a choice at least…but I think they’d prefer it if I married someone my race/religion though more thananything else. I personally think arranged marriages are pointless I’d rather marry someone I loved tbf
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redleader1
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(Original post by SceneKid17)
Yeah same my parents wouldn’t force me to marry anyone I didn’t want to, they would give me a choice at least…but I think they’d prefer it if I married someone my race/religion though more thananything else. I personally think arranged marriages are pointless I’d rather marry someone I loved tbf
What race/religion are you if you don't mind ? My situations not really arranged but if I were to go out with her I would need her families permission and with that they would think we would get married. However if it didn't work out it might look bad as some people find it as disrespectful.

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SceneKid17
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(Original post by redleader1)
What race/religion are you if you don't mind ? My situations not really arranged but if I were to go out with her I would need her families permission and with that they would think we would get married. However if it didn't work out it might look bad as some people find it as disrespectful.

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Im a Pakistani/Afghani Muslim. I think that's the right way to go about this, if your serious about her then date her now and when the times comes ask her parents for her hand in marriage
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SceneKid17)
Im a Pakistani/Afghani Muslim. I think that's the right way to go about this, if your serious about her then date her now and when the times comes ask her parents for her hand in marriage
Its a bit difficult since she's in another country lol. I came back a few weeks ago. We speak a lot throught text ect. But we'll see how it goes. If its meant to be it will happen.
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cake_lover
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Yoy could keep a long distance relationship sort of thing, and keep it from the family? I know lying is probably not the best way to go about it. But like you said they'd expect it to lead to marriage. Maybe tell her family once you guys are more serious?
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binarythoughts
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Normally in an arranged marriage, the girl gets rishtas and then the parents and the girl check the suitability ( plus istikhara ) and then give the boy's parents their reply. I think this is of relationship normally happens once they've done their mangni or Nikah.
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username1533709
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I think it would better to marry who you want and it shouldnt have to necessarily be done through your parents.
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TheonlyMrsHolmes
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(Original post by cake_lover)
Yoy could keep a long distance relationship sort of thing, and keep it from the family? I know lying is probably not the best way to go about it. But like you said they'd expect it to lead to marriage. Maybe tell her family once you guys are more serious?
I honestly read that as 'keep it in the family' and I was like :eek: no! lol my bad.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by binarythoughts)
Normally in an arranged marriage, the girl gets rishtas and then the parents and the girl check the suitability ( plus istikhara ) and then give the boy's parents their reply. I think this is of relationship normally happens once they've done their mangni or Nikah.
I want to be in a relationship like boyfriend/girlfriend as I feel thats the best way to get to know her.
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cake_lover
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(Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
I honestly read that as 'keep it in the family' and I was like :eek: no! lol my bad.
Oh god no! I'm not encouraging incest :lol:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kadak)
I think it would better to marry who you want and it shouldnt have to necessarily be done through your parents.
But it would be better to have the parents permission. Not sure if its compulsary in islam though. But this is a Pakistani girl who lives in Pakistan, so its hard to flirt with her because of the culture but to go out with her i'll probably need her parents permission.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by cake_lover)
Yoy could keep a long distance relationship sort of thing, and keep it from the family? I know lying is probably not the best way to go about it. But like you said they'd expect it to lead to marriage. Maybe tell her family once you guys are more serious?
But she would rather have her family know, I mean if we went out what can she say to her parents as in Pakistan, the culture is differant she cant really go out without a male or another female from the family I think...
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quentinhamilton
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If my parents found me someone decent then why not?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by quentinhamilton)
If my parents found me someone decent then why not?
Arnt arranged marriaged pretty quick ? Withhout that perid of a relationship ?
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Ruh
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If a guy really wants to be with a girl, then he won't date her, and similar the other way around - if it takes tonnes of dates for someone to even consider talking to the parents, then that's wrong, because the parents should be the first people who you go to if you have the intention of getting to know someone better, that way it is done in a more controlled and halal way without funny business and fitnah.
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Dark Elixir
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(Original post by Ruh)
If a guy really wants to be with a girl, then he won't date her, and similar the other way around - if it takes tonnes of dates for someone to even consider talking to the parents, then that's wrong, because the parents should be the first people who you go to if you have the intention of getting to know someone better, that way it is done in a more controlled and halal way without funny business and fitnah.
Then how does a guy know if he really wants to be someone without first dating them and getting to know them? Your logic is flawed.
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Ruh
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(Original post by Dark Elixir)
Then how does a guy know if he really wants to be someone without first dating them and getting to know them? Your logic is flawed.
You interact with them in a halal/controlled environment/an environment where the capacity to do haram is limited. That's why the parents are involved; if it doesn't work out, you you move on. Most people can get to know each other as just frinds anyway without all this 'dating' crap which has been naïvely championed as being the only way of marrying someone and having a successful relationship between two people.
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Jebedee
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It sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.
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