Sexual assault? Not sure whether I'm just making a big deal out of nothing
I'm not quite sure how to say this or even what I'm hoping to gain from this, but I just have to tell somebody. I met this guy at university, who goes to the same society I do. I only started getting to know him quite recently and over the course of 3-4 months we have become really close. I'd say he's probably the closest friend I have at university now.
I've been out with him as part of a group (from the society) on a few occasions and recently he has become quite touchy-feely, like if we were walking somewhere he'd hold my back, or my hand, or my hip to stop me from falling over, when he thought nobody else was looking. I was drunk at these times so although I noticed it, I didn't think much of it. He'd also tell me I looked beautiful, really gorgeous in my dress, etc. Again, I didn't think much of it as I knew he liked someone else.
About a month ago he got incredibly drunk and basically admitted to me he had fallen for me, I was the love of his life, etc and he hadn't had the courage to tell me sober. Cue awkwardness. We met up again a couple of days later, and we were fooling around; I was sat up on the bed, he leaned over, pushed me down and kissed my neck - I told him to stop, and he didn't, he kept going for about 5 seconds afterwards. Then he apologised, I asked why, he said 'because I kissed you like that without your consent', he kept going on about how he was 'disgusted with himself' even though personally I saw this as a bit of an overreaction.
I let it go, as I thought maybe he'd just gone too far (though he was sober). But it happened again a few days later. He'd jokingly pinned me to the bed and leaned over me staring at me, telling me how gorgeous I looked. But he wouldn't get up even though I begged him. About two minutes later, he got up and again apologised. We always used to play fight anyway so again I didn't really think much of it.
Our final night out was a week ago. I got absolutely smashed, I wasn't planning to, but it happened. I hardly remember anything, about two hours are completely blank in my memory. But I remember him being on top of me in bed, my underwear being off and him touching me down below, putting his fingers in, and me telling him to stop, and him continuing. I wish I could remember more, but I just can't.
In the morning, we talked and apparently I kissed him three times, was flirting with him a lot, etc. He also said he helped me get into bed, and that I put his hand down there for '2 or 3 seconds' and then he moved his hand away. In my mind it was for at least 30 seconds. I was too scared to ask him about the fingering but he said he remembers the night 100%. so I am assuming he remembers himself doing it. I can't see myself wanting that at all, it hurt and I don't understand why he hasn't told me, especially as he knows my memory is hazy.
I'm not sure what else to do now. We haven't really talked since which isn't like us, but he's getting quite close to another girl so I don't want to mess anything up for them, and I'm not sure whether I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
I've been out with him as part of a group (from the society) on a few occasions and recently he has become quite touchy-feely, like if we were walking somewhere he'd hold my back, or my hand, or my hip to stop me from falling over, when he thought nobody else was looking. I was drunk at these times so although I noticed it, I didn't think much of it. He'd also tell me I looked beautiful, really gorgeous in my dress, etc. Again, I didn't think much of it as I knew he liked someone else.
About a month ago he got incredibly drunk and basically admitted to me he had fallen for me, I was the love of his life, etc and he hadn't had the courage to tell me sober. Cue awkwardness. We met up again a couple of days later, and we were fooling around; I was sat up on the bed, he leaned over, pushed me down and kissed my neck - I told him to stop, and he didn't, he kept going for about 5 seconds afterwards. Then he apologised, I asked why, he said 'because I kissed you like that without your consent', he kept going on about how he was 'disgusted with himself' even though personally I saw this as a bit of an overreaction.
I let it go, as I thought maybe he'd just gone too far (though he was sober). But it happened again a few days later. He'd jokingly pinned me to the bed and leaned over me staring at me, telling me how gorgeous I looked. But he wouldn't get up even though I begged him. About two minutes later, he got up and again apologised. We always used to play fight anyway so again I didn't really think much of it.
Our final night out was a week ago. I got absolutely smashed, I wasn't planning to, but it happened. I hardly remember anything, about two hours are completely blank in my memory. But I remember him being on top of me in bed, my underwear being off and him touching me down below, putting his fingers in, and me telling him to stop, and him continuing. I wish I could remember more, but I just can't.
In the morning, we talked and apparently I kissed him three times, was flirting with him a lot, etc. He also said he helped me get into bed, and that I put his hand down there for '2 or 3 seconds' and then he moved his hand away. In my mind it was for at least 30 seconds. I was too scared to ask him about the fingering but he said he remembers the night 100%. so I am assuming he remembers himself doing it. I can't see myself wanting that at all, it hurt and I don't understand why he hasn't told me, especially as he knows my memory is hazy.
I'm not sure what else to do now. We haven't really talked since which isn't like us, but he's getting quite close to another girl so I don't want to mess anything up for them, and I'm not sure whether I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Update. I told him. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I told him, by text, that I remembered that night, and asked him why he did it. He said he thought it was what I wanted and that he was sorry, he was in the wrong, and I have every right to be angry with him.He is getting even closer to the other girl (who happens to be one of my best friends) and I just can't take it. I have been spending time with them both (in a big group), trying to act like nothing is wrong, and it is so hard. I really don't know what to do, I can't take it anymore. He keeps hugging me, subtly touching me as I described earlier, like touching my shoulders etc it looks innocent but after what he has done to me it makes me feel sick to my stomach. All I keep doing is crying. Please give me advice someone. I can't deal with this anymore. 
Ok clearly this guy is NOT your friend. Just because you were drunk does not mean that it's cool for him to touch you anyhow. It's not cool for him to touch you ANYWHERE if it makes you uncomfortable. I personally think you need to stay away from him and warn your friend about him. I know that it seems difficult as you said you were quite close but in the long run it will definitely help you. Your friendship is not healthy and if he's done this to you he's likely to do it to someone else. It's good that you spoke up and you shouldn't feel guilty at all. He took advantage of you. It's SO wrong he is supposed to be your friend and friends don't do that to each other especially if you tell them you don't like it. I hope this helps. You're very brave by the way ☺
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