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Coming out

I came out to my friends today (Gay), and needless to say, it feels so much better being able to just talk to friends about it (They're very accepting of it).

I however haven't come out to my parents yet, simply because they're both very homophobic, and as such I don't know if I should even tell them. If I do, how would I go about it?

Any help would be nice.

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Reply 1

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

Coming out? Be a bit more informative in your title, no one knows what the hell it's about with the title 'coming out'. and you came out to your friends with bracket gay bracket, doesn't explain alot although I know what you mean.

Just try to be a bit more informative and more people can help you.

Anywayz onto the problem. If you're gay, it's indeed your life. However our parents play a part in our life, we have to leave them and make our decisions soon. And some may be wrong some may be right. Your parents are homophobic, the only way you don't want them to find out is not tell them your whole life, or turn heterosexual. If you put it in this way it seems much more reasonable to tell them straight away.

They are your parents, they love you with all their heart, tell them, they will understand. In modern society homosexuals are becoming more common, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, because it is their life, they can live the way they want. But some people can be nasty about it, which I'm sure your parents wouldnt be with their OWN son. So just talk to them, have a chat with them.

Don't just go up to them one day, randomly and say 'Mum, Dad I'm gay, take it or **** off'. Well Im exagerrating a bit, but the point is, go up to them both, after dinner, when they're in a good mood and talk to them, spend a few hours and tell them about the situation.

I hope it goes well.

Good Luck

Reply 2

Misogynist

Don't tell your parents if they won't like it, it'll hurt them. Let them realise on their own. You'll eventually get the whole 'Why don't you have a girlfriend till now' thing, and you can just use that time to your advantage.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I will admit, when I was talking to my friends today, I thought it would be funny to wait until my parents said something along the lines of "so when will we hear the patter of tiny feet", then I can just say "Never. Gay"

But the point remains. My parents are VERY homophobic, they hate gay people, and although I want to tell them, I want to wait until uni, because otherwise I suspect they might even go so far as to kick me out of the house at first for it.

Reply 4

brimstone

Anonymous

I came out to my friends today (Gay), and needless to say, it feels so much better being able to just talk to friends about it (They're very accepting of it).

I can't help I'm afraid, but I want to say I definitely agree with that! I feel I can finally be who I want to be now that I've done it.

Reply 5

singh1987

im not a big fan of homosexuality, but your parents should accept you however i can understand if they are really homophobic. i guess you could start with hinting and probably write an anonymous letter to your parents that your gay. say a friend sent it and its true. if you gay, you rather be happy and your parents should realise your happiness. you could start with showing us who you are instead of anonymous for a bit of practice. but like i said its up2 you my friend.

Reply 6

Spig

I got what this thread wa sabout by the title!!'Coming out' is quiet a well known phrase! :wink:

How old are you guys,(out of interest.)? When did you realise you were gay? I can't believe how young some people who say they're gay are- it seems as if they've always known

Reply 7

Spig

BTW- Your parents may be less homophobic than you actually think when it comes to their own son.

Reply 8

Bubblebee

I'd say don't tell them, unless you are close to them...I guess the way I would see it is the same as telling your parents you've just had sex. They probably wouldn't want to know that much detail.

Or do you really really want them to know?

Reply 9

Hanzing

Hard one, It must be hard to deal with the fact there very homophobioc, But as said before If your truly happy as you are then eventually they will come around to the idea, Either way your still there childand they'll love you. It may be a case of telling them when your ready,However if you have told others you never know if it may get back to them from other sources, so maybe if you want to tell them yourself then sooner than later may be best.

Reply 10

xlouisax

for starters, i completely understand what you meant by 'coming out (gay)', not being funny, but most people should know the term by now. also, gay people are not becoming more common, it is just that expression of homosexuality is becoming more socially acceptable and so homosexual people are more readily able to disclose their sexual orientation.

OP: perhaps you could try subtly challenging your parents' views on homosexuality. when they say something negative about gay people, ask them why they feel that way. what has made them encouraged them to have that opinion? perhaps try saying to them that you think that people should feel comfortable and be able to disclose their sexuality, and see what their reaction is.

Reply 11

generalebriety

Don't tell your parents till you're ready to. :smile:

Coming out to my friends was a bit of a turning point in my life, and a good one. Coming out to my parents... bah, I don't plan to do it. I don't get on with my parents and don't tell them anything, so coming out to them seems fruitless. I'm sure they'll find out in their own way, but after I move out.

If you need someone to talk to, come to the LGBT soc / chat threads. There's lots of people who've shared experiences like this there. :smile:

Reply 12

Dutchmeister

Congratulations for "coming out", I'm sure it's difficult to have to hide who you feel you really are. The advice above all basically makes sense and I think that if you feel your parents will literally kick you out for it obviously don't do it (you will have time to think more about telling them during uni, when you basically lead your own life) however they should most definately act a little more 'open' to the fact that you are their son.

Good luck mate.

Reply 13

Dalimyr

xlouisax

for starters, i completely understand what you meant by 'coming out (gay)', not being funny, but most people should know the term by now.

Most people, perhaps, but not everyone. Also, "coming out" doesn't necessarily relate to someone being gay. They could be lesbian, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, bi-curious, transgendered, intersex...the list of sexual identities other than "heterosexual male" and "heterosexual female" is quite large.

Hanzing

It must be hard to deal with the fact there very homophobioc

It is

My dad's very homophobic too, and the mere thought of his reaction if he found out that I was bi scares the living daylights out of me :afraid:

xlouisax

OP: perhaps you could try subtly challenging your parents' views on homosexuality. when they say something negative about gay people, ask them why they feel that way. what has made them encouraged them to have that opinion?

Hmm....nope, if the OP's parents are anything like my dad, it's not going to have a major effect on them. I know my dad very well - he's stuck in his ways and he's quite possibly the most stubborn bastard in the country. If he has an opinion on something, it's there for life.

Anonymous

I however haven't come out to my parents yet, simply because they're both very homophobic, and as such I don't know if I should even tell them. If I do, how would I go about it?

Any help would be nice.

I agree it's nice for friends to know and to be accepting of it, as it gives you someone to speak to, an outlet for such discussion...but if you think your parents might take it badly, ask yourself if they really have to know. It would probably be better for them to think you're straight and be happy with you than for them to know you're gay and resent you.

Reply 14

silverbolt

kelv your are being naive, if the OPs parents are that bad they may well kick him out and disown him.

OP tell them in your own time, it will eventually mean they will find out but do it on your terms not thiers

Reply 15

Zoecb

Are your parents homophobic for religious reasons or are they just randomly ****s?

Reply 16

sharp-stuff

my mate 'came out' last year, he waited till he was in uni and told me first. He did have a few girlfriends in school so was a bit of a shock at first. However i see much more of him now and were still really good mates, he wouldnt come on nights out with us before coz it was mostly lads and he always seemed uncomfortable, but now a bunch of us go out nearly every weekend and everyone is fine with it, hes so much more happy and a completely different person ( in a good way ).
As to the parents thing, he only lives with his mum and shes really open minded, didnt mind at all, his brother was a bit disgusted at first, but now they go to watch every man city home game together and he babysits for their toddler alot, so is cool.
On the other hand when my cousin came out his parents kicked him out, he was in a state bcoz he had only just left college and didnt have a job, no where to live and his friends kinda dissowned him. He came to live with us for a couple months and then with our older cousin in london, hes got a fantastic job now and emails every day, hes always been a good kid so was a shame to see him in such a mess. I think you should just do what feels right. wait till ur in uni and then its on your terms. if they kick you out your not in a bad situation, and i wudnt want to see my parents again anyhow if something so 'trivial' (i dont see it as a problem) had made them react so badly. Just think very carefully, good luck buddy : )

Reply 17

Cook-ie

just be the hero you were born to be

Reply 18

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

I know exactly what you're on about! I've still yet to come out to my dad and various friends (Dad finds humour like South Park amusing).

I'd just talk to them about homosexuality at first (e.g. when an incident of it comes up on the radio/TV/etc, ask them how they feel about it and why).

The wierd thing is I think I've always known I was gay, but not really aware of it.

Dalimyr

What are pansexual and intersex? Hang on ,I think intersex is the same as 'gender queer' i.e. You don't believe in boundaries of sexuality and gender... At least, I think that's what it means, anyway.