Childhood abuse

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hi I just experienced a flashback of childhood abuse. My mum throughout my late childhood maintained that my dad had abused me. It just never really sunk in because he denied it and she stayed with him. My mum has mistakenly charged me with crimes I didnt commit so I suppose it was easy to reason it away. I have had blurred flashbacks in the past but I always waved them aside. Today I had a far clearer recollection and I knew. It all fits together. Im quite certain based on everything ive seen and heard about him. He was abusive to my mother but gradually he appears to have changed. Now my mum dad and brother are a really stable and warm unit. I worry though. His previous life before my mum is riddled with other accusations of violence and neglect.


I have asperger's and ive just moved away from my house/sanctuary which is now condemned. The coffee shop where I used to work constantly is also now closed. Im living in a house which sent me into a panic over the dirt.

I cant deal with the fact that he's my dad. How can I look in the mirror and love myself when I see the physical similarities? I already suffer from real self loathing but now ive just disconnected from myself. I cant reveal this because I still wonder "what if its wrong"?

I am prone to very convincing false memories so I worry that this is one of those. The problem is that he's been followed by accusation after accusation and my mum's accusations match my memories.

What do I do? I cant make this public because it would tear my family apart.My mum already is quite ill and she relies on my dad. My brother has also been sick and neither of them could handle this. If im wrong this would be the most destructive event in our family history.
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
As it stands you're not sure whether this is a false memory or not. And you've also said that you have had some quite detailed false memories before. So as your mum, dad and brother are all unwell at the moment perhaps now isn't the time to raise the issue with them. If it is indeed a false memory, that in itself is cause for you to want to get some help of some sort. To be honest I think (no expert) that it is likely a symptom of you feeling like you're not getting your emotional needs met in a family where everyone else is unwell and probably gets looked after as a result. So what I'd say is go to your GP and ask for some counselling or maybe counselling at another free organisation in your area. Once this comes through just discuss everything with the counsellor including this potentially real or false memory.
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