How to perhaps be more shameless and outgoing?

Generally speaking, I'm quite a timid and shy person. I'd rather not be though - there really is zero advantage in being unwilling to speak to others for no good reason.

How do you improve yourself to interact with people with less awkwardness? (Alcohol is not the answer! :P)

I actually love speaking and waffling, as well as making jokes. But when I'm around somebody new, I'm very nervous and my 'fun' side completely disappears and just can't really get the ball rolling.

Just wondering as I'd like to be more fun and be thought of as fun to be around.

Reply 1

username1560589

Original post by stableintegral

Just give up on people. Maths is better.

Reply 2

K.C

you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, join a group or activity or something that's what I did, I'm still shy but a bit more confident

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Reply 3

blackened_sky

Oh but alcohol is the answer!

Reply 4

stableintegral

Original post by morgan8002

Just give up on people. Maths is better.

Hehe. It's good fun, I agree.

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Reply 5

localblackguy

Just be yourself - you can't please everyone, and the people you don't get along with when you show them how you are generally tend to be the ones you won't be able to please without going out of your way to do so.

Reply 6

Helpme.

Original post by stableintegral

Trusssssss mi daddy

Reply 7

yelllowribbon

Original post by morgan8002

Just give up on people. Maths is better.

Do math, not meth

Reply 8

queen-bee

Original post by K.C

you have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, join a group or activity or something that's what I did, I'm still shy but a bit more confident

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Yup and uni is the best place for this

Reply 9

superduper9

It is pretty simple. For me, there is one rule: say whatever is in your head, with minor filtering so you're not rude, racist etc. I used to be a fairly quiet person who didn't contribute much but just listened to what other's said. I only tended to speak when it was a topic I knew really well. Now I'm very outgoing and am the one who actively starts conversations and contributes a lot. I've found it very liberating and fun :smile:

The more you talk, the better you get at becoming outgoing. And the best way I've found is to directly link your mind to your mouth - if someone says a sentence and you think of something, then just say it. As I did it more and more, I realised my timing got better, I knew when to say what and I could also add jokes.

As you get better, the trick is to divert the conversation smoothly into an area where you're most comfortable. One topic I'm tuned in on is fitness and sports - so if someone is talking about food, for example, I could easily link the topic of food to eating healthy to nourishment for athletes to sports and fitness! You get what I'm tryin' to do there :wink:

Reply 10

Kanairee

I used to be a bit like this too, but then I got my first job waitressing in this little restaurant, and that really put me out of my comfort zone. I actually had to talk to people I didn't know, and for the first month or so it worried me so much going in to work. But the skills I've learnt just waffling on to customers and making small talk are invaluable. My advice is to just to forget that you don't know the person, and talk to them as you would a friend. Or pretend they're someone you've known for a while. I got through the first month of that job by pretending customers were just people that I knew, and three years later it's become really easy now. So I'd say just be friendly and if you're stuck for things to say, ask them about themselves. Best way to start a conversation ^_^

Reply 11

miser

I'll say it straight up: it's difficult. It's not easy by any means to do what you want to do. But it is possible, if you have the determination to do it.

The way to do it is simple: force yourself to talk to engage people more. This can be done in different ways. Right at the beginning, you can do things like try to hold people's eye contact longer, or ask someone at a checkout how their day is going, Then you can amp it up to something like smiling at people who pass you by or asking strangers the time. Then graduate to making small talk with strangers or joining a club. When you're really getting into the swing of it, you can go for broke: force yourself to approach girls at a bar, join an organisation like Toastmasters, or confront someone you were previously scared to confront.

I can tell you now that it takes a long time to expand your comfort zone. Although you could progress to doing the things you want to be able to do fairly quickly by brute-forcing it, it won't feel natural for a long time. If you stop doing any of it, your comfort zone will shrink again. You have to fight for every inch of it, and when you get it, own it and never let it fall back in. It's a difficult thing, but people have done it and you can too - if you have the determination.

Reply 12

stableintegral

Oh, my! Thank you for the replies everyone! I will try to keep all of this in mind as I begin to interact with more new people. (I'm moving school next year anyhow, so it's quite important to me to make new friends, but a great opportunity to meet others too.)

Thanks! :biggrin: