The Student Room Group

Am I lonely and sad and pathetic?

Since as long as I can remember, I always stayed at home during the weekends. Very very rarely went out with "friends"... But I feel comfortable that way. I feel very uncomfortable when going out with people - I always get left behind and nobody talks to me - I couldn't wait to get back to home.

Even my parents are complaining that I should go out more. Omg!

:frown:

Sigh, maybe I am being unrealistic, but I am thinking that it will get better when I go to university. I could find someone who I could talk comfortably with.

But right now, I just can't wait until school ends.
Reply 1
No you're not sad, just an "in" person. There are plenty of us. Get a DVD boxset or two :biggrin:

But even I like to take a stroll to a mate's house for a chat. Not necessarily an outdoor activity, but it gets you out of the house for a bit. Got a really good mate you like talking to/with about anything and everything? Just arrange to meet.
Reply 2
I know what you mean, I'm like that too now. I think your life will change once you're in University. That being said, you might need to open up quite a bit so that you're not 'left behind.'
Reply 3
Not really. In fact, 50% of the population is genetically like you to a certain extent. Just chill with it, and in uni I expect it to get better. More people in a close proximity, you're bound to find some like you to talk to.
whoa whoa whoa, you are not pathetic. don't let anyone tell you that.
Reply 5
Situations which make it worse:

I've always changed schools. And I always have an effed up start. Bullied etc. Thank god I got along with teachers. I seem to get along with the more mature.

And I am homosexual. And people around me always ask me whether I have a girlfriend. And damn my parents and relatives always say when I am I going to get married. ****!#$#(^$(#^$( And people around me are homophobes.

And I am not rich - people at my school are rich snobs. Well most of them anyways.

And I am not the most sociable person in the world. So friendship is kind of like lottery for me.

Sigh...
Reply 6
Ok, some words of wisdom...

If you can't see anything good in yourself then why do you expect other people to?
It doesn't matter if you don't want to go to the pub/park/whatever, but don't shut yourself away, if you are feeling lonely then make plans to go to the cinema or bowling or ice-skating with your mates.
Smiling is so easy, but if you smile alot, you present a more open image of yourself, so people get drawn into you...if people feel they can connect and engage with you then they will not 'leave you behind'

As for your sexuality, who cares, embrace it. It is you. Fair enough if you don't want to tell people because you aren't ready but do not ever EVER be afraid of being you.

Perhaps you just need a new outlook on life, stop expecting and start DOING!

Good luck pet!
Reply 7
^^ Thanks. I probably need a slap in the face.
Reply 8
At schools, people still put a lot of merit on how people look and act and whether they have lots of money and so on. At uni, it's less of a bother, because when you first go, everyone is away from home for the first time and not sure of what to expect.

If you don't like the people you're at school with, then that's ok. And as for your family asking when you're going to get married, the reply to that is "as and when I find someone I want to marry, thanks". Ignore them. My family do the exact same to me, and eventually, as you get older, they do stop asking you about it.

As others have said above, you've got to put some effort in with people. Smile, and even if you don't like going out, do so every so often, and talk to people when you do. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party, but don't lag behind waiting for people to notice you. If you disappear, chances are they won't even notice you've gone, if you've not been particularly out-going.

Going to uni will help this as the clubs & societies will have socials for you to go to and meet people, but if you've not gained some skills of appearing to be outgoing before you get there, chances are that people will still end up not talking to you and you feeling like you're just tagging along.

What about joining some sort of club for the last few months you have at home? Doesn't matter what it is, just go and do something that interests you where you'll meet people, one night a week, and those folks you're meeting will be people with a similar interest to you, and if you're doing that, it'll boost your confidence and self-esteem, which will make the people at school sit up and take notice more.
Reply 9
Nah, just a more optimistic point of view!

I used to be like you, still get like it at times. People like us have to work to keep a positive mentality. Keep an image of how you want other people to perceive you. :biggrin: hang in there. PM me if you like :smile:
The UK has become a going-out nation. I can't remember where I read this, but in a poll of European countries we were the only one where the majority cited going out at the weekends and getting drunk preferable to staying in.

Don't let anyone make you feel as though you're wrong for not wanting to go out constantly. I can personally never be bothered: drinking is dull and expensive, loud music hurts my head, I hate crowds, I get worn out by about midnight, plus people who get drunk tend to turn into tosspots and I don't want to be around them.

If you're feeling lonely then perhaps just arrange to do something a bit less strenuous with a few friends. Like Juwel said, it can be nice to just go for a stroll to a mate's house. If you're questioning whether you're "lonely and sad and pathetic" just because of what other people think though, then just say sod them. You can do whatever like in your free time, you musn't feel as though you're wrong just for preferring to do different things.
your not sad.. its probably the society or area you live in, you sound like a sophisticated person.. so i guess your not one who goes out getting drunk all nite, infact im not either thats why i, myself, find it difficult to be an extreme social bunny you could say, if your not at uni particularly and have a view of going to uni inevitably you will find it hard to go out e.t.c as mos tpeople will have cravings for going out getting drunk all night, so its a hard situation because you cant realy do anything else, probably go somewhere to eat or make some religious friends lol, but when you get to uni u will be with other people and surely there wil be many of your/our types tehre lol, You mentioned you get left behind.. thats only because the people your with are not your style. Apart from being called raef bjayou by everyone in school including my teacher most people in my school tend to be easy to get along with, but the problem with them is there interests... getting drunk every day, doing nothing constructive, no learning, messing around in school, about 90% are like that i would say, i am one who wants to go to a good university, actually wants to learn things, andmost importantly achieve, i would rather do that and go out every so often to visit m8s, talk, play bit of cricket e.t.c than go out every night getting drunk and falen behind on school
I'll tell you that I used to be exactly like this, I threw myself into uni and was forced to make friends and open up to people I didn't know because I wouldn't have coped otherwise. But I only realised this half way into my first year, so I felt like a total outcast and occassionally still do.
Its about being toatally confident in yourself talking to anyone and being honest open and above all not being afriad to express your thoughts and opinions as these are the type of people others want to tak to. For example when you go out or remember from school- who were the popular people? Now ask why? and you should develop skills they used, like the above examples I've given

If your not naturally confident:: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!
Act confident and positive, even if you don't know what your doing!
I'm like you.
Being 16 sucks.