The Student Room Group

Friendships with your ex

Well I am in a bit of a dilemma I went out with this girl for 7 months last year and had a gr8 time but that came to an end because she fell out of love with me.
It took me a while to get over her but I am over her now and trying to persue new relationships again but now I want to be her friend again because I could always confide in her before our relationship and vice-versa, and I want to have her friendship again now as its been like 5 months, she says she cares about me but she is worried that we might develop feelings for each otha if we became friends and started hanging around with each other.

Do u think this would happen if we were to become friends again?/What are your experiences with friendships with ex's?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Do u think this would happen if we were to become friends again?


Inevitable. Or, which is worse, one of you do and the friendship goes up in arms and you fall out with each other because of it.

/What are your experiences with friendships with ex's?


They don't work.
Reply 2
well because she broke up with u, i would think that deep down u still have feelings for her. this will make things VERY messy if u become friends.
Reply 3
it could work if you know that thats all youl ever be is friends!!
I was only able to become friends with ONE of my exes because I fell insanely in love with someone else. Before that, when I only had crushes on people, I would always end up having feelings for them again. It really made things difficult.

OP, I'd suggest you postpone contact until you've got someone you really care about, simply to avoid the whole unrequited-love and eventual discovery and wrecking of the friendship.

I'm not saying it's impossible to be unattached and friends with your ex, just that in my experience it's very rare.
kylie88
well because she broke up with u, i would think that deep down u still have feelings for her. this will make things VERY messy if u become friends.


possibly worth effort to be friends worth a try nothing either to lose.
Reply 6
I'd reccomend you don't confide in your girlfriend. You can still be friends if you broke up nicely, but it might be a little weird. Just make like you never really went out with her and it'll avoid most awkward moments.
Reply 7
My Ex and I broke up well over a year and half ago (on mutual grounds) and we are really good mates now. I have absolutely zero feelings for her and I'd like to think that feeling is mutual (by that, I mean nothing more than friendship). She's one of my best mates now and I'm one of hers.

So for those who say they don't work, you need to stop generalising.

Forgot to mention, we also went out for 7 months.
Reply 8
What's your experience of them?

...They don't work.

I am perfectly right to say that, because --from my experience-- they don't. :smile:
I personally am not friends with any of my exes. I've got a boyfriend who I have been with for a year and the guy I was with before him wants us to be mates, but whenever I have tried to have a friendly conversation with him it's ended up with him mentioning stuff about our relationship that I'm uncomfortable with, and I know my boyfriend would be too, like he'll mention particular night when we were together or something really personal that I think only my boyfriend should know!
However, we were never mates before we were together, so I think it can work for some people. I just feel like there are certain things only ONE person should know at any time, it's not that I'm scared of getting feelings for my exes coz there's plenty of reasons why they are my exes and my bloke is my boyfriend now, I just have no need for their friendship!

Hmm... didn't really help did it? Sorry :smile:
Or they feel very, very weird.

I can't see my ex as anything but an ex really, rather than a friend. Thus my friendship with him is very strange - it's like an elephant in the room (is that the expression?) I can't get round when I talk to him.
Reply 11
I see my ex as a friend, mainly because I didn't really have many feelings for her as a partner anyway, but we are best friends now. In the large majority of cases though, it's pretty difficult to see someone who you've been intimate with as just a friend.
Reply 12
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Exs are evil
Reply 13
I'm friends with my ex. We went out for over 3 years & broke up just over a year ago. It took a long time, we both had to completely gedt over each other & it was a bit messy but now its great. We are pretty close cos we know each other so well. For me the friendship was definiteky worth the effort. Obv it does depend on the reason for breakup etc & it can be particularly hard if one of you has a new partner but its def possible. We were friends for a while before we went out as well which helps!
xstargirlx
i was mates with my ex (i broke it off with him) , it was ok at first like how we were b4 we were dating but when i started dating my new boy, about a year laters he started causing problems, sending txts saying 'thanx for the other nite' trying to make it look like id been with him behind my bf back.
i think it just depends on the person. plus if you do still have feeling for them or they start up again you may get your hopes up when your getting on well.

What a weirdo!
Me and my ex tried to be friends but it turned out he still had feelings for me. I've just been dumped again today so I'll have a whole new awkwardness to look forward to, but the most-recent-ex wanted me to know he'd be there for me and my best friend. It's **** cos it was my fault the relationship ended, but it doesn't make a break up any easier.
I'm friends with exes, but only the ones where it wasn't particularly serious and we broke up without fighting. Being friends with some of my exes I know would be awkward.
i best friends with my ex.we still love each other,talk on the phone all the time,the attraction is still there but we can't date sadly.our reasoning is that just because you stop ****ing each other,doesn't mean you have to stop being friends,because before the sex phase,there was friendship,and if just because the sex phase is over,you stop being friends,it means your relationship was all based on sex in the first place.which is a bad thing. however this only works because it was an amicable breakup and we had a great relationship.if he/she cheated on you or was a bad partner and there show no remorse or you don't think they deserve forgiveness,then you're better off without the person or the friendship :smile:
I think the friends with ex's thing IS possible, but only after a period of zero contact. I see people who try and be best friends the day after their relationship has broken up and it doesn't work.
I'm 'in contact' (msn&myspace) with one of my exs and friends with another - that is, I probably wouldn't call him up, but we'll sit and talk at college from time to time, and I'd go out in a group with him, just not 'just us'.

I think it's nice to be friends with exs if both of you feel the same way about it - that is, that you just want friendship. Otherwise you're doomed - but that's true of any friendship..
Reply 18
scribble_girl
I think the friends with ex's thing IS possible, but only after a period of zero contact.


Perfect.
Reply 19
Thank you for all your comments we both want 2 b friends just don't want any old feelings resurfacing we did have a time of 0 contact as u put it and helped me get ova her and now that I am I think we can be good friends as long as I am not an idiot but of cors that would be true of any friendship.