Would you date a guy who will graduate at 26...am I selfish?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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Girls, I require your aid...especially if you are from a Middles Eastern (more specifically Turkish/Muslim) background.

Due to health (mental reasons) I messed up my degree BADLY and withdrew from my University after my second year. Now at the tender age of 23 I will begin my degree at a top London University but will graduate when I am 26.

Here is my problem...I am running out of time!
More and more of my friends in Germany are getting engaged...some have already married. I thought 28 is an idea/normal age to get married but this is apparently late; especially in the culture of the girl I am interested in (her name is Aylin ). I should also highlight that I am Muslim (don’t practice); but not from the same ethnic background (sub-Saharan African descent).

I have everything planned out! I will secure a place at an investment bank (I have good connections because of friends henceforth securing interviews shouldn’t be an issue) in my second year summer internship, marry her immediately (same summer), have a child, work in the UK for five years to make as much money as possible and move back to Germany.

At this moment in time she lives in Germany and is single. We are very much in contact; I will be seeing her in September...would it be selfish to start a relationship if she were to say yes?

Would it be selfish of me to make a long distance relationship with her for THREE YEARS, marry her when she is 26 (is this old for Turkish women?) and ask her to live in the UK for FIVE years?

I couldn’t offer her much for the next three years but once I am done; I could promise her a lot! I really like her and would do anything for her. The primary reason I would move back to Germany after working five years in England is so that she could be near her family.

Should I just accept that I am a failure and let go?
I only want to make her happy...
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KittyAnneR
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#2
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You're not selfish at all. Sort your own life out, as you're the only one who will definitely be with you for the rest of your life.

As for being 26, that's really not old. I will graduate when I'm 28.
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Nerol
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Wow. My first piece of advice is scrap all the plans. It's good to have an idea of what you want to do, but you can't plan every detail, or at least you shouldn't, because if some of it doesn't work out you will only be disappointed.

Secondly, do you know if this girl wants a relationship with you? If she does, and she's okay with the long distance, go for it! If not, again it seems like you will be disappointed. Of course, if it doesn't work out with her you are still young and as the saying goes: there are plenty more fish in the sea.

As for graduating at 26, I certainly hope it's not too old, as I won't even be starting my degree until I'm 27! That means I won't graduate until I'm at least 30! I don't consider it to be a problem though, as I've done a lot with my life. Qualifications are a very small part of who you are, and any girl who would refuse to date you because you don't have a degree isn't worth being with anyway.
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1366770
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Girls, I require your aid...especially if you are from a Middles Eastern (more specifically Turkish/Muslim) background.

Due to health (mental reasons) I messed up my degree BADLY and withdrew from my University after my second year. Now at the tender age of 23 I will begin my degree at a top London University but will graduate when I am 26.

Here is my problem...I am running out of time!
More and more of my friends in Germany are getting engaged...some have already married. I thought 28 is an idea/normal age to get married but this is apparently late; especially in the culture of the girl I am interested in (her name is Aylin ). I should also highlight that I am Muslim (don’t practice); but not from the same ethnic background (sub-Saharan African descent).

I have everything planned out! I will secure a place at an investment bank (I have good connections because of friends henceforth securing interviews shouldn’t be an issue) in my second year summer internship, marry her immediately (same summer), have a child, work in the UK for five years to make as much money as possible and move back to Germany.

At this moment in time she lives in Germany and is single. We are very much in contact; I will be seeing her in September...would it be selfish to start a relationship if she were to say yes?

Would it be selfish of me to make a long distance relationship with her for THREE YEARS, marry her when she is 26 (is this old for Turkish women?) and ask her to live in the UK for FIVE years?

I couldn’t offer her much for the next three years but once I am done; I could promise her a lot! I really like her and would do anything for her. The primary reason I would move back to Germany after working five years in England is so that she could be near her family.

Should I just accept that I am a failure and let go?
I only want to make her happy...
I can definitely see your struggle. I'm from a Middle Eastern background, in London the Middle Eastern men are getting married between the ages of 27-32 so if anything, you're probably still kind of young That's not selfish at all, if she wants to wait and live with you then you shouldn't worry. 3 years is a long time and problems could arise so there is a risk that your relationship wouldn't work but you never know.

It doesn't matter if that age is too old for Turkish women, as long as you're happy with it that's all that matters. The problem with us Middle Eastern people is that we conform to the 'expectations' set by our community too much. We forget that in the end, it's not the people's decision that matters in our life but it's actually our own. Your life has nothing to do with your community, they're not living it, you are! So don't think about whether or not your community would be accepting of things.

You're not a failure, if men who are 60 and have 10 kids are getting married then you should be fine. Good luck
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by rhadawey)
I can definitely see your struggle. I'm from a Middle Eastern background, in London the Middle Eastern men are getting married between the ages of 27-32 so if anything, you're probably still kind of young That's not selfish at all, if she wants to wait and live with you then you shouldn't worry. 3 years is a long time and problems could arise so there is a risk that your relationship wouldn't work but you never know.

It doesn't matter if that age is too old for Turkish women, as long as you're happy with it that's all that matters. The problem with us Middle Eastern people is that we conform to the 'expectations' set by our community too much. We forget that in the end, it's not the people's decision that matters in our life but it's actually our own. Your life has nothing to do with your community, they're not living it, you are! So don't think about whether or not your community would be accepting of things.

You're not a failure, if men who are 60 and have 10 kids are getting married then you should be fine. Good luck
Thank you very much; I appreciate your help .
I know that she is the right one for me, but to keep up a distance relationship for three years is hard. I don't want her to feel lonely!
I think I shouldn't even try, she can find someone better than me.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Nerol)
Wow. My first piece of advice is scrap all the plans. It's good to have an idea of what you want to do, but you can't plan every detail, or at least you shouldn't, because if some of it doesn't work out you will only be disappointed.

Secondly, do you know if this girl wants a relationship with you? If she does, and she's okay with the long distance, go for it! If not, again it seems like you will be disappointed. Of course, if it doesn't work out with her you are still young and as the saying goes: there are plenty more fish in the sea.

As for graduating at 26, I certainly hope it's not too old, as I won't even be starting my degree until I'm 27! That means I won't graduate until I'm at least 30! I don't consider it to be a problem though, as I've done a lot with my life. Qualifications are a very small part of who you are, and any girl who would refuse to date you because you don't have a degree isn't worth being with anyway.
I agree! Go for your degree if it's what you want.

I'm a girl but dropped out of uni due to depression before 3rd year and am reapplying to start at 23 and finish at 26. I dont think its too old
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futbol
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Too old to be graduating. That's what the majority of people on this thread think but don't have the courage to say.
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futbol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I agree! Go for your degree if it's what you want.

I'm a girl but dropped out of uni due to depression before 3rd year and am reapplying to start at 23 and finish at 26. I dont think its too old
Forgive me for asking a personal question (you don't have to answer) was it the uni experience that caused your depression?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nerol)
Wow. My first piece of advice is scrap all the plans. It's good to have an idea of what you want to do, but you can't plan every detail, or at least you shouldn't, because if some of it doesn't work out you will only be disappointed.

Secondly, do you know if this girl wants a relationship with you? If she does, and she's okay with the long distance, go for it! If not, again it seems like you will be disappointed. Of course, if it doesn't work out with her you are still young and as the saying goes: there are plenty more fish in the sea.

As for graduating at 26, I certainly hope it's not too old, as I won't even be starting my degree until I'm 27! That means I won't graduate until I'm at least 30! I don't consider it to be a problem though, as I've done a lot with my life. Qualifications are a very small part of who you are, and any girl who would refuse to date you because you don't have a degree isn't worth being with anyway.
If I were to make a move I think she would say yes. It's not about the fact that I will be graduating at that age but more about how she will feel.
You are a woman, so you can probably put yourself in the same situation.If you met a guy who really loves you and you love him too, would you be able to keep up a distance relationship for three years and then move to a foreign country (in her case from Germany to the UK) for five years?

I am just asking...am I being selfish?

Thank for your reply, btw.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by futbol)
Too old to be graduating. That's what the majority of people on this thread think but don't have the courage to say.
Don't be ridiculous. :rolleyes:
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Sancte
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(Original post by futbol)
Too old to be graduating. That's what the majority of people on this thread think but don't have the courage to say.
But is it better than to not graduate at all? He did specify that it is a top London university and I read mention of an internship.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Saint Libra)
But is it better than to not graduate at all? He did specify that it is a top London university and I read mention of an internship.
26 is not old at all. It's quite common in several European countries (or even America, actually, due to people often having to pay for college there and needing to save) to go a bit later. Certainly considered more than normal in your 20s.

The user you quoted seems like a troll. Or if not one of the usual TSR "knows it all at 18 despite never having lived away from my parents" gang.
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cambio wechsel
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(Original post by futbol)
Too old to be graduating. That's what the majority of people on this thread think but don't have the courage to say.
I certainly don't think that. I think it's brill. Honestly, I got much less out of going to university at 18 than I would have if I'd started at 23 as here. Mature students are terrific.
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Sancte
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The user you quoted seems like a troll. Or if not one of the usual TSR "knows it all at 18 despite never having lived away from my parents" gang.
Fair enough!

(Original post by Anonymous)
26 is not old at all. It's quite common in several European countries (or even America, actually, due to people often having to pay for college there and needing to save) to go a bit later. Certainly considered more than normal in your 20s.
I agree with this entirely. I feel as though gap year applicants and mature students are often the ones making the best of their opportunities at university. It is very common across the globe for many people to be students well into their 20s.
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peanutbuttercup
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No way!!! Don't worry, be happy, and everything will fall in to place! Do not let this cause you so much worry! You clearly have goals and your determination is admirable. If she waits she is worth it, if she doesn't there are plenty more fish in the sea. You're not being selfish, but actually you have to be. Focus on yourself and your education. People are getting married later and later. I will also graduate at 26 (I'm a female) and there are people younger than me in my family currently getting married, but I don't let it worry me as everyone is unique and there is no set age limit in which to get married. You simply get married when you are ready. Good luck!!!
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Lord Jon
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I wouldn't bother with this if I was you OP. It's a non issue. Focus on rebuilding your life and keep up the good work!

If anything I'd worry about a woman in her twenties who get's caught up on silly details like that. Not worth it
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Retired_Messiah
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Planning every detail isn't a wise thing to do. Asking her to go into the relationship with you, then marry you at 26 AND live with you in the UK for 5 years AND have a child is too much to go for all at once. Cut it down to just the relationship and living with you, then if that goes to plan see how things are from there.

Still, the relationship is worth a shot. Don't feel pressured to get married just because your friends are, you're ready when you're ready, there's no age where you should be married by.

If she isn't willing to date you purely because of the age you're going to graduate at then she a dumbass *** and ain't worth the time.
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LadyMelisandre
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Just relax and go with the flow!
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futbol
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The user you quoted seems like a troll. Or if not one of the usual TSR "knows it all at 18 despite never having lived away from my parents" gang.
Yeah good work anon trying to belittle me because of my beliefs. At least I have the courage to show my face as well as speak the truth. If my advice was so bad I would not be sitting here with 6 rep bars.
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HiMark
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(Original post by futbol)
Yeah good work anon trying to belittle me because of my beliefs. At least I have the courage to show my face as well as speak the truth. If my advice was so bad I would not be sitting here with 6 rep bars.
You as well as others don't seem to understand the question...he is asking whether he should keep a distance relationship as far as I have gathered.
Perhaps we should read the next time...
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