I can't believe I've done this to myself

I am an international student who's just finished her A-levels. I applied to 5 places for Zoology and mamaged to get 5 offers one of which was unconditional from QMUL. At the time, I had this phase where I really regretted taking zoology and feeling almost greedy, I rejected all my five to go for a place at UCL for biology. I got the conditions AAA and I couldn't be happier.

But now having done the exams, I seriously doubt I will get those As.Maths has been so horrible for me I don"t even understand how - I was predicted A* for this and now I don't even know if I'll make a B.

My current situation being that I am an international student puts me in some difficult situations where if I want to take any resits or retkaes, I will have to attend another year of private school. I feel so regretful and angry at myself and most of all guilty for having to make my parents pay so much because of my mistakes.If I dont meet my conditions, what are my options?

This is probably a stupid question but I'm trying to grab on to anything right now - What does UCL think about making offers not met the conditons? Does paying international fees help me even a little bit? If I do take retakes, what are UCL's opinions about it? They say they comsider this differently for individuals, but I'm too scared yet to even ask them privately. And what do universities in general think about resit candidates? If I go to clearing, QMUL will NOT be keen on me would they....

Thank you so much for reading this long message, I'd really like some advice on this I am so stressed, I could really do with a few warm words and hugs. Thank you...

Can't comment on the latter but do you think you could go through clearing? This must be tough for you, I imagine but there really isn't too much now as extra has officially closed

Yes I will proibably go through clearing. at the moment I have no idea what my grades may be i was always bad at predicting my grades but since I would really prefer a london based uni i'd like to try for clearing in queen mary. I'm just concerned that they wont like me for having rejected their unconditinal first time

I don't think that's the case. If you meet their clearing offer, they have no reason to hold bad blood against you.

Oh that's a relief. Thank you

By the way, I strongly recommend you email your dep at UCL. I'm sure they get emails like that all the time as they're a top uni and they can comfort you and outline the situation. They won't hold you accountable for simply enquiring and as for you theory on international students:

I believe every department sets aside a specific number for the cohort of international students to take in for such a course, so you'll be competing with them rather than home students, so will you get priority? Who knows as I definitely cant tell you how many int students firmed your course. Like I said, best give them an email and also give QMUL an email so you know who to call if the time comes.