The Student Room Group

Whats wrong with this picture?

I'm not sure where to start, but I will begin since I have already started - Oh god that sentence sounded awful.

Id rate myself as a good looking bloke who is sociable and charming but I can't quite help myself sabotaging my own happiness. It doesn't seem fair - when I talk generally to groups of girls I am finding it more impossible to talk to girls as 'friends'. I am not sure why, but I compulsively 'put down' girls and act disinterested because it somehow soothes my own ego - and it doesn't help when there is maybe 2 or 3 girls competing for attention, I didn't even want to eat a doughnut or have a girl buy me a redbull (in hindsight I knew I should of just said 'no'). I don't like girls to be interested in me, there is no way to explain this but I know when I meet some female acquinteances I just feel like im being treated like some kind of pretty boy and I hate it. It just makes me feel lonely because I know its only because of 'superficial' attraction then anything else.

I know deep down I am a mentally disturbed individual and all my relationships are short, passionate but burn out too fast and I decide I don't want it anymore. A girl I was fancying for ages because I thought of her as 'unattainable' as she seemed to have relationships and this would make me more attracted to her. Now when she ended her previous relationship, and started to show a more romantic interest to me I am just completely put off by the idea and I just want to be friends. I know that the girl is genuine, caring, individual and is a very good choice for me if I were to choose a girl to settle with but the fact is I 'know' I'm not mentally right in the head to follow through and go ahead with a relationship. So all I do now is tease and act disinterested in her, when in actual fact I know I could fall in love with her - I just know if I do she will see my real dark side. I just think 'the timing is awful' or 'you should of met me 2 years ago' where I wasn't scarred and emotionally wrecked.

when i say emotionally wrecked, I'm talking about living in almost constant fear of self. Outwardly I behave like a confident leader but inside I know I am an insecure individual. That added to the fact that I feel more attracted to androgynous boys then girls.


I was so worried after one heavy night of drinking. None of my friends afterwards told me what had happened but they want to avoid bringing it up or telling me the truth.

after begging my friend revealed to me on a night where I blacked out after drinking half a bottle of vodka in a short space of time (couldn't remember 8 hours) I was acting scary and kept repeating

'you will never know my secrets'
'you will never know my secrets'
'you will never know my secrets' (my mind went into an automatic loop for several minutes, and I happen to just be shouting profanity and sexual references and just behaving like a psycho)

I know before my mum warned me my mind enters a 'loop' in heavy drinking (when I was on absinthe) i was whispering 'don't listen to them, they're out to get you...they're out to get you...they're out to get you'

fortunately I never repeat such events. But there is some unconcious demon holding me back, should I see a hypnotist?
Reply 1
I wouldn't suggest hypnosis yet it costs alot of money, i would recommend perhaps going to see a counsellor first and seeing how that goes maybe a psychologist
:dito: Drink amnesia sounds scary, I need to know what I did and said while drunk. Keeping to your limits will make this looping less likely to happen, I imagine.
You know, drink related psychosis in adolescence around stressful times is not entirely uncommon.

You need to stop heavy drinking for the moment and do some thinking. There's a very good reason why you're behaving like this: Pushing people away. You just need to work out why.

I'd be wrong to say it was just a self esteem issue and a fear of being hurt but it's not inconceivable.
Reply 4
I wouldn't worry about the booze "demon". I've seen and experienced alcohol doing some strange strange things to different people in heavy amounts. It's a flawed way to delve into your psyche because IMO when you're that slaughtered, it has fundamentally changed.

That added to the fact that I feel more attracted to androgynous boys then girls.
Is it possible that you could gay/bisexual or somewhere in between? If you don't feel bad about exploring this then it might be an idea.

On that girl. You say logically she's perfect for you. Okay that's fine but do you want to go out with her? I get the impression you don't. So what's wrong with that? A relationship is a lot of hassle, you shouldn't feel any social pressure to get into one for the sake of it. If you can't find anyone you don't want to go out with then don't.

I also get the impression you like a bit of a challenge and that's why you lost interest as soon as ms. unattainable showed she might not be so..

Complete emotional disarray is a common symptom of growing up / puberty etc. I'm assuming you're <21? Hence I sincerely doubt you're a "mentally disturbed individual". No more than any in your age bracket. Relationships are a learning process. We're not born knowing how to handle them. Why people assume we are baffles me...
Reply 5
I am very sorry for how troubled you feel about this. I'm sure anyone can get through it, though, when they want to. The problems you have when you're drunk do not mean that you are crazy, but you probably ought to drink less or you'll start to get consumed by that nasty drunk person inside of you. Maybe your relationship problems are just a matter of time. If other stuff starts to iron out and you aim at building your self-confidence, the right relationship will happen eventually. Try to to stress to much about this girl, or other girls. And I'm sorry that some of the others treat you like a peice of meat. I'm sure you mean a hell of a lot more to some people. There's nothing wrong with liking guys either. I know plenty of guys who think of themselves as straight but like girly guys if you still think you're straight. There are no surefire ways of unscrambling your psyche but I don't think you need hypnosis. You don't sound like a psycho to me. Best wishes xxxxx *hugs*
I think you crave some sort of attention from peers, which is why you don't look beyond the exterior sometimes when it comes to other people. Like the time girls have offered to buy you things and you couldn't say no.

You could always confide in a friend about your problems or feelings, as talking to them can help other people understand you better.

You could always talk to your GP about it too, and they could refer you to someone more specialised. I think you just need to be honest with yourself and listen to how you really feel inside.

Good luck :smile:
Reply 7
Firstly, the alcohol things i really easily fixed: just don't drink beyond your limits. I know this sounds very obvious but so many of my friends always drink way too much and in nearly 100% of these situations they do something that's somewhat abnormal i.e. say bad things, go violent, get really flirty etc. Too much drink brings out the worst in everyone so I'd advise you to not get quite so "smashed" next time.

In regards to the relationship thing, I think you are simply confused. Obviously you have "ideas" about what you like but when it comes to making them a reality you become unsure again. Is this due to a general reluctance towards relationships with anyone in general (i.e. you're afraid to let them too close) or is it more to do with the fact that you don't really like these people when you put more thought into it.

If it's the formmer then maybe you simply are just too young to form a proper relationship yet. This isn't necessarily a bad thing as by not rushing into anything, you are allowing yourself the time and space to grow as a person without the added pressure of a relationship. As you get to know yourself better you may realise that you're not as "abnormal" as you fear and that you feel more secure in your own identity. This will be much better foundations to build relationships.

Many men are not ready to have a proper relationship until they are in their 30's so you have plenty of time. Spend this period discovering yourself and what you do and don't like. Don't pressurise yourself and worry about what you "should" be doing. Everyone's different and there really is no right and wrong. :smile:
Reply 8
I'm not really sure what you're saying here. You get too much female attention, or too little?

Personally I get too much, but hey, just enjoy it. They're buying you donuts, hell yeah. "Hey, I know what would be great, buy me a pizza". Just be a bit more selfish. Its fun. And cheap. Many going after you at the same time? You know what'll help you out a bit, get them to compete a bit for you. Don't let them know you like either more than the other. Its great fun.

And on the other hand, if you're getting too little female attention, don't fool yourself into thinking they don't like you. Most guys have the opposite problem, be less modest. Know they like you, then you can enjoy it a bit more. Hey, try hitting on girls and you'll understand when they dig you or not.

And as for alcohol - normally my advice would be to get completly hammered and enjoy it, but I think thats your problem here. Most people go a bit weird when they get drunk. Except me, I don't change aside from walking and talking funny. Anyway, laugh about it. Don't take things so seriously. When you're drunk, obviously something is bothering you. You'll know better than me, but sort that out. Last time I got drunk I needed 3 people to hold me up. Was pretty funny actually. Got some girls and I couldn't even walk. Obviously had to ask my friends the next day what happened, but you know its a good night if you need other people to help you remember. Just got drunk, walked about, couldnt walk, explored the garden (crawling) and went home. Standard really.
Reply 9
Can't say I have much experience with alcohol, but sounds like you're not ready for a relationship yet. And the outward, superficial confidence thing? A lot of 'confident' people are like that. It helps so much to hide your insecurities.