Was this sexual assault or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

He is definitely in the wrong, but you are giving him mixed signals.

YOU BROUGHT HIM INTO YOUR BEDROOM WHEN HE HAD PREVIOUSLY TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF YOU IN A DRUNKEN STATE - Caps to place an emphasis on how silly you have been. I'm not blaming you, but you need to look after yourself. He clearly has a screw loose, so it's up to you to make the situation clear.

Confide in someone you can trust if you need moral support. Don't let him keep taking advantage of you. If you want to take it further, then do so. It sounds like he has committed sexual assault and sexual assault by penetration.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by User1214833

He is definitely in the wrong, but you are giving him mixed signals.

YOU BROUGHT HIM INTO YOUR BEDROOM WHEN HE HAD PREVIOUSLY TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF YOU IN A DRUNKEN STATE - Caps to place an emphasis on how silly you have been. I'm not blaming you, but you need to look after yourself. He clearly has a screw loose, so it's up to you to make the situation clear.

Confide in someone you can trust if you need moral support. Don't let him keep taking advantage of you. If you want to take it further, then do so. It sounds like he has committed sexual assault and sexual assault by penetration.

On the night it happened we were out with a big group of people, pre-drinking a while in a friend's house, went into town, and then he walked me back to my room - alone - it is quite a trek (25-30 min) from town and I don't fully remember most of the night. I remember him having to support me as we walked back and I fell over a couple of times. I don't remember actually getting back to my room, but I have the flashback of him doing that to me. We are both in halls though he is in a different one to me he lives the closest to me out of our group so it wouldn't have looked out of place for him to walk me back to mine. I haven't told anybody what has happened, I feel so guilty for my friend, I feel that she has a right to know. This is all tearing me up inside and to be honest seeing him makes me feel sick.

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

On the night it happened we were out with a big group of people, pre-drinking a while in a friend's house, went into town, and then he walked me back to my room - alone - it is quite a trek (25-30 min) from town and I don't fully remember most of the night. I remember him having to support me as we walked back and I fell over a couple of times. I don't remember actually getting back to my room, but I have the flashback of him doing that to me. We are both in halls though he is in a different one to me he lives the closest to me out of our group so it wouldn't have looked out of place for him to walk me back to mine. I haven't told anybody what has happened, I feel so guilty for my friend, I feel that she has a right to know. This is all tearing me up inside and to be honest seeing him makes me feel sick.

In the future, you probably shouldn't get so drunk that you have memory lapses. That's really dangerous.

If you're not sure exactly what happened due to drink, then it's unlikely that he would ever be convicted. However, you have to look after yourself now. Does your university have a counselling service? Talk to someone and get advice. Don't keep things to yourself.

If you told your friend, would she believe you? She might just think you're jealous and you could end up alienating yourself. Maybe you could talk to her in general terms about the guy. If he has been behaving like that with you, then chances are he has been like that with other girls.

Whatever you do, please look after yourself.

Reply 11

eskimo_rising

3

Original post by User1214833

In the future, you probably shouldn't get so drunk that you have memory lapses. That's really dangerous.

If you're not sure exactly what happened due to drink, then it's unlikely that he would ever be convicted.

Pretty sure that is wrong.
According to the new laws regarding alcohol and consent this was 100% sexual assault. You can go to the Police and report it if it's important to you.

Reply 12

Original post by eskimo_rising

Pretty sure that is wrong.
According to the new laws regarding alcohol and consent this was 100% sexual assault. You can go to the Police and report it if it's important to you.

Morally it was sexual assault, but there's a good chance a jury probably wouldn't find in the OP's favour. She's admitted that she doesn't really remember exactly what happened and it would be his word against hers.

Reply 13

eskimo_rising

3

Original post by User1214833

Morally it was sexual assault, but there's a good chance a jury probably wouldn't find in the OP's favour. She's admitted that she doesn't really remember exactly what happened and it would be his word against hers.

All she would have to prove is some form of sex occurred, which shouldn't be difficult to get on a recording, email or post if she hasn't got that already given that they have been discussing it.

Reply 14

Original post by eskimo_rising

All she would have to prove is some form of sex occurred, which shouldn't be difficult to get on a recording, email or post if she hasn't got that already given that they have been discussing it.

He could just argue that it was consensual though.

Reply 15

Andy98

Original post by eskimo_rising

All she would have to prove is some form of sex occurred, which shouldn't be difficult to get on a recording, email or post if she hasn't got that already given that they have been discussing it.

Because of the circumstances it is difficult to prove and a jury wouldn't be likely to buy into it

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Reply 16

TurboCretin

Original post by Anonymous

Please read my thread on the 'this is abuse' forum I really need advice. Thank you

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3385803

Wow. Based on the facts you've given us, that definitely sounds like sexual assault.

He's done it repeatedly as well. Either he isn't as disgusted with himself as he's saying or he's unable to control himself.

Reply 17

VannR

21

A) That was sexual assault, according to the legal definition of it. However, the fact that you were very drunk, and from what you have said gave the man incredibly mixed signals does not absolve him from blame, but it doesn't look good from the point of view of any legal action you may want to take. It would simply come down to your word against his.

B) The only thing that you are responsible for here is getting so drunk that you cannot even remember these events clearly. You are not to blame for what he did to you, but you must admit that you put yourself in a vulnerable position. I know this doesn't sound like the kind of thoughts that one should be having when drinking with what you think are friends, but you already knew that this guy was not quite right. All you can do now is cut him off completely, and be more careful in the future.

Reply 18

TurboCretin

Original post by User1214833

It sounds like he has committed sexual assault and sexual assault by penetration.

It's just 'assault by penetration', not 'sexual assault by penetration'.

To any girls who this happens to, don't wait a week before seeking help if something like this happens. Talk to someone either on the night or on the next day, and go straight to the police with them.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 19

Helenia