I think I've lead him on....

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Anonymous #1
#1
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Okay so this is more of an online thing than anything but seeing as majority of my friends are online and I am on the internet at least 13 hours a day, this is very much real to me. So basically there is this guy that I Skype basically every day and we have known each other since February and I always thought we were just friends. I flirt with him and mess about sexually (sexting etc) but I never really took it seriously because I tend to do this with every guy I kinda like on the internet. I dont think he is aware of this and I know this makes me some kind of internet slut xD I think he thinks that WE are in a relationship..Anyway we had this conversation recently that he doesn't like labels and for there to be a good relationship between loved ones, you don't even have to say it out loud you just know that there is something there. For example he thinks that the longer it takes for people in relationship to say "I love you", the better because it means all this time they didn't even need to say it because they just felt it. He also showed me this long ass horoscope thing and when it came to the "true love" bit, it scarily described me... (location, personality, etc) So anyway, I have realized he gets really jealous whenever I talk about other guys and he just looks uncomfortable and wants to end the conversation so I always feel bad about mentioning other guys. Its just I talk to him like one of my best friends and that includes talking about guys. He always reminds me that nobody is like us and that we have something special. I once mentioned talking to some other guy and said something like "oh I talk to him like I talk to you" and he was like "you what" and looked really hurt then I had to cover up and lie "Well not like us..." and he was like "yeah I dont talk to anybody like i talk to you". Then i was like oh **** cause the way i talk to him is how i talk to a few other people because its just my personality.I want to really like him in a "more than friends" way because I can tell he does care about me and sometimes even changes his routine just to fit me because we have different time zones. He never makes me feel bad when I've done something wrong and whenever I feel upset, he will try his hardest to cheer me up. He's the type of person who I will come home and say "I've murdered someone" and he will try his hardest to make me feel better, not telling me once that what I did was wrong and stupid. He admits he kinda spoils me in that sense/example xD We have joked about previously about us being soul mates and stuff but I feel he has taken it a bit seriously than me. So there is another guy (Guy 2) that I do actually like and I have put Guy 1 and Guy 2 and My other friend (girl) in a skype call together. Guy 1 has told me how he doesnt like guy 2 at all and got offended by something he said even though i didnt find it offensive at all. So weeks later, when I tell him that I really like guy 2 and that i stalk him on all his social media etc etc, he says something along the lines of "not gonna lie that actually hurt me a lot" then goes on about a small needle in his chest. Thats when i realized what have i gotten myself into. Then i had to make him feel special again saying hes the one i tell everything to and the other guy doesnt even like me that way etc. Im also really scared of telling him that i only like him as a friend because he seems to openly like me more than that and probably expects i feel the same. I dont want to lose him but i cant force myself to like him more than a friend either. What should i do?
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Anonymous #1
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I DID put paragraphs, i dont know why it made it all in one!!!
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Anonymous #1
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Okay so this is more of an online thing than anything but seeing as majority of my friends are online and I am on the internet at least 13 hours a day, this is very much real to me. So basically there is this guy that I Skype basically every day and we have known each other since February and I always thought we were just friends. I flirt with him and mess about sexually (sexting etc) but I never really took it seriously because I tend to do this with every guy I kinda like on the internet. I dont think he is aware of this and I know this makes me some kind of internet slut xD Anyway we had this conversation recently that he doesn't like labels and for there to be a good relationship between loved ones, you don't even have to say it out loud you just know that there is something there. For example he thinks that the longer it takes for people in relationship to say "I love you", the better because it means all this time they didn't even need to say it because they just felt it. He also showed me this long ass horoscope thing and when it came to the "true love" bit, it scarily described me... (location, personality, etc) So anyway, I have realized he gets really jealous whenever I talk about other guys and he just looks uncomfortable and wants to end the conversation so I always feel bad about mentioning other guys. Its just I talk to him like one of my best friends and that includes talking about guys. He always reminds me that nobody is like us and that we have something special. I once mentioned talking to some other guy and said something like "oh I talk to him like I talk to you" and he was like "you what" and looked really hurt then I had to cover up and lie "Well not like us..." and he was like "yeah I dont talk to anybody like i talk to you". Then i was like oh **** cause the way i talk to him is how i talk to a few other people because its just my personality.I want to really like him in a "more than friends" way because I can tell he does care about me and sometimes even changes his routine just to fit me because we have different time zones. He never makes me feel bad when I've done something wrong and whenever I feel upset, he will try his hardest to cheer me up. He's the type of person who I will come home and say "I've murdered someone" and he will try his hardest to make me feel better, not telling me once that what I did was wrong and stupid. He admits he kinda spoils me in that sense/example xD We have joked about previously about us being soul mates and stuff but I feel he has taken it a bit seriously than me. So there is another guy (Guy 2) that I do actually like and I have put Guy 1 and Guy 2 and My other friend (girl) in a skype call together. Guy 1 has told me how he doesnt like guy 2 at all and got offended by something he said even though i didnt find it offensive at all. So weeks later, when I tell him that I really like guy 2 and that i stalk him on all his social media etc etc, he says something along the lines of "not gonna lie that actually hurt me a lot" then goes on about a small needle in his chest. Thats when i realized what have i gotten myself into. Then i had to make him feel special again saying hes the one i tell everything to and the other guy doesnt even like me that way etc. Im also really scared of telling him that i only like him as a friend because he seems to openly like me more than that and probably expects i feel the same. I dont want to lose him but i cant force myself to like him more than a friend either. What should i do?
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Anonymous #1
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okay so it refuses to paragraph it, im sorry
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IbroSaunks
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The longer you delay the truth, the more it'll hurt when it comes out eventually...
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misscaricature
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#6
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It seems like there's not many options left open to you. It's best to tell Guy 1 exactly what's going on, explicitly define how you feel. Don't try and sugar coat it for the sake of feelings. This may hurt him, it may hurt you. He may have thought you liked him that way or not. Regardless, you don't like him like that and not saying that is just going to confuse him and cause trouble for you if it goes on any further. He sounds like a sweet guy but you can't force yourself to like him. Steel yourself for the conversation. He could get hurt. Also, try not to get mad if he asks why you didn't tell him before. You have your reasons, what's done is done. You just have to accept how you feel. Just tell him as soon as you can. It sounds like he wants more than a casual relationship which you don't want to have. Clear up any misunderstandings but also mention that you do enjoy spending time with him.
Also I'd leave a bit of a gap between telling Guy 1 how you feel and making a move on Guy 2. Give time to Guy 1 to move on, 1 probably only dislikes 2 because you like him. Dating 2 or even making a move on him quickly would just make it more awkward for 1 and push him away, which you don't want if yo still want to be friends with him. Bare in mind being friends might not be possible. You can express your preference and say you like spending time with him and that you value that friendship but in the end he is the one to decide if that friendship continues.
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White Strider
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#7
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Honestly, you just overcomplicated things yourself really. Just tell the guy that you see him as a friend but nothing more or something. There was also no point in sexting him, now the guy thinks it's serious, well done lol
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Emily.97
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#8
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Please condense this, there's soooo much with no paragraphs
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YGD)
Learn to paragraph
(Original post by Emily.97)
Please condense this, there's soooo much with no paragraphs
It wont let me grrrrr > Every time I paragraph, it goes back to that long ass chunk. Sorry :L
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by misscaricature)
It seems like there's not many options left open to you. It's best to tell Guy 1 exactly what's going on, explicitly define how you feel. Don't try and sugar coat it for the sake of feelings. This may hurt him, it may hurt you. He may have thought you liked him that way or not. Regardless, you don't like him like that and not saying that is just going to confuse him and cause trouble for you if it goes on any further. He sounds like a sweet guy but you can't force yourself to like him. Steel yourself for the conversation. He could get hurt. Also, try not to get mad if he asks why you didn't tell him before. You have your reasons, what's done is done. You just have to accept how you feel. Just tell him as soon as you can. It sounds like he wants more than a casual relationship which you don't want to have. Clear up any misunderstandings but also mention that you do enjoy spending time with him.
Also I'd leave a bit of a gap between telling Guy 1 how you feel and making a move on Guy 2. Give time to Guy 1 to move on, 1 probably only dislikes 2 because you like him. Dating 2 or even making a move on him quickly would just make it more awkward for 1 and push him away, which you don't want if yo still want to be friends with him. Bare in mind being friends might not be possible. You can express your preference and say you like spending time with him and that you value that friendship but in the end he is the one to decide if that friendship continues.
I think I'm being selfish but I rather make him think I like him just so I can keep him as a friend.

TBH I dont think I'll be able to get with GUY 2 anyway seeing as he doesn't like me that way and has made that clear. So if I do end up losing guy 1 then I dont really have many options and will end up very lonely :L
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Lwin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I'm being selfish but I rather make him think I like him just so I can keep him as a friend.

TBH I dont think I'll be able to get with GUY 2 anyway seeing as he doesn't like me that way and has made that clear. So if I do end up losing guy 1 then I dont really have many options and will end up very lonely :L
That is selfish, you shouldn't string people along if you know how they feel and don't feel the same.
You should just tell Guy 1, he hasn't explicitly said you're in a relationship or anything so you can plead some level of innocence. It'll hurt him less to say it soon rather then let him carry on thinking this. It's not fair on him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by White Strider)
Honestly, you just overcomplicated things yourself really. Just tell the guy that you see him as a friend but nothing more or something. There was also no point in sexting him, now the guy thinks it's serious, well done lol
I did overcomplicate it but what's done is done :L oh dear...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lwin)
That is selfish, you shouldn't string people along if you know how they feel and don't feel the same.
You should just tell Guy 1, he hasn't explicitly said you're in a relationship or anything so you can plead some level of innocence. It'll hurt him less to say it soon rather then let him carry on thinking this. It's not fair on him.
exactly.

Maybe I am just a selfish person but I dont want to lose him or make him feel sad so maybe its just better to charade things up. The only problem I have is when I talk about other guys :L
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Lwin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe I am just a selfish person but I dont want to lose him or make him feel sad so maybe its just better to charade things up. The only problem I have is when I talk about other guys :L
But that is still leading him on if you think he believes there's something more. The point is you're having to change how you behave around him (not talking about other guys) in order for him to think you don't like other guys. I just don't think it's a nice thing to do, it would be honest to tell him and give him some time to decide if he can still be friends and get over it. Plus it'll come out eventually since you will meet someone who you like in that way and who likes you back. And then you'll tell guy 1 that you didn't like him in the same way after all? How is that going to make him feel? Much, much worse then if you told him now most likely.
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LillyLisaa
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You need to tell him. You also need to not flirt with and 'sext' guys that you don't like in that way because he will understandably get hurt..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lwin)
But that is still leading him on if you think he believes there's something more. The point is you're having to change how you behave around him (not talking about other guys) in order for him to think you don't like other guys. I just don't think it's a nice thing to do, it would be honest to tell him and give him some time to decide if he can still be friends and get over it. Plus it'll come out eventually since you will meet someone who you like in that way and who likes you back. And then you'll tell guy 1 that you didn't like him in the same way after all? How is that going to make him feel? Much, much worse then if you told him now most likely.
How does one even bring up this subject? Besides if I did like someone and THEN told guy 1 how i felt then at least I would have the guy I liked whilst losing guy 1.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LillyLisaa)
You need to tell him. You also need to not flirt with and 'sext' guys that you don't like in that way because he will understandably get hurt..
But its fun >.< But yeah you are right, he will get hurt :L Its just if he told me he liked other girls, I wouldnt mind very much and wouldnt be as hurt as he seems to be :L
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Lwin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How does one even bring up this subject? Besides if I did like someone and THEN told guy 1 how i felt then at least I would have the guy I liked whilst losing guy 1.
So replacing Guy 1 once you've found someone better? Yeah, that seems like you really care about him and how he feels. Letting him think this to stop yourself feeling lonely isn't fair on him.
Just wait until the next time you mention a man you like and if he says he feels hurt or something similar just say that you don't see him that way, but purely as a friend.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lwin)
So replacing Guy 1 once you've found someone better? Yeah, that seems like you really care about him and how he feels. Letting him think this to stop yourself feeling lonely isn't fair on him.
Just wait until the next time you mention a man you like and if he says he feels hurt or something similar just say that you don't see him that way, but purely as a friend.
If I say that then I just know he wont want to stay friends and then I've lost someone who I do care about :L
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Lwin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If I say that then I just know he wont want to stay friends and then I've lost someone who I do care about :L
It sucks. It totally sucks.
Is there any way of temporarily distancing yourself so as to make your intentions clearer? Of course you don't want to be harsh, but you must let him know somehow. In the end, what's important is that the amount of hurt is limited, ideally staying friends, but that's not always possible.
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