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My boyfriend keeps making fat jokes and putting me down and it hurts

tl;dr: My boyfriend keeps putting me down, making fat jokes and making out that I'm stupid.

I'm very much in love with my boyfriend of 9 months. For the most part, he is a great guy. However, he often puts me down and it has started to really hurt me.
It started off quite innocently - for example, I've always been an hourglass shape and part of that is having boobs and a butt. I am a normal weight and make sure I stay in shape, but recently he's been making jokes about my figure, like when I go to sit down he'll say my butt won't fit in the chair and other things along those lines.

I've also been really fortunate to have had a successful career, but whenever I talk about it he'll make negative comments about the global search engine company I used to work for or say something else which questions my intelligence/aptitude. Recently, I got a new job at a consulting firm which I had worked incredibly hard for and I was super happy about - but he wasn't even happy for me at all and didn't celebrate with me. Instead he just said 'oh, you won't have time for me anymore.'

On other occasions he's corrected my pronunciation and contradicted my opinions and just generally talked down to me like I'm an imbecile, in spite of the fact that I'm an educated woman who went to a similar university to him and we actually have very similar backgrounds. In spite of our similarities, I feel like he thinks he's superior and that I'm not worth being with and 'below' him. It's got to the point that I don't want to tell him about anything good that happens to me because I'm afraid he'll say something snide or rude. I don't know what to do. Help.
Get
Away
From
Him.

gafh now.
Original post by Anonymous
tl;dr: My boyfriend keeps putting me down, making fat jokes and making out that I'm stupid.

I'm very much in love with my boyfriend of 9 months. For the most part, he is a great guy. However, he often puts me down and it has started to really hurt me.
It started off quite innocently - for example, I've always been an hourglass shape and part of that is having boobs and a butt. I am a normal weight and make sure I stay in shape, but recently he's been making jokes about my figure, like when I go to sit down he'll say my butt won't fit in the chair and other things along those lines.

I've also been really fortunate to have had a successful career, but whenever I talk about it he'll make negative comments about the global search engine company I used to work for or say something else which questions my intelligence/aptitude. Recently, I got a new job at a consulting firm which I had worked incredibly hard for and I was super happy about - but he wasn't even happy for me at all and didn't celebrate with me. Instead he just said 'oh, you won't have time for me anymore.'

On other occasions he's corrected my pronunciation and contradicted my opinions and just generally talked down to me like I'm an imbecile, in spite of the fact that I'm an educated woman who went to a similar university to him and we actually have very similar backgrounds. In spite of our similarities, I feel like he thinks he's superior and that I'm not worth being with and 'below' him. It's got to the point that I don't want to tell him about anything good that happens to me because I'm afraid he'll say something snide or rude. I don't know what to do. Help.

Talk to him about it and how bad he makes you feel and if he refuses to change break up with him.....no point of having a boyfriend who only makes you happy sometimes but other times like s*** , you'll probably find someone better and then he'll realise his mistakes
Just by reading the title I can already tell you he is not good for you and is disgusting by making you feel low about your weight.

There are nicer ways to encourage someone to lose it if needs be. Dump his ass.
You say that you are a normal weight but I think your boyfriend would disagree. What is your height and weight? You could always make a deal with him. Tell him you're going to lose weight as long as he makes no more weight jokes.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
tl;dr: My boyfriend keeps putting me down, making fat jokes and making out that I'm stupid.

I'm very much in love with my boyfriend of 9 months. For the most part, he is a great guy. However, he often puts me down and it has started to really hurt me.
It started off quite innocently - for example, I've always been an hourglass shape and part of that is having boobs and a butt. I am a normal weight and make sure I stay in shape, but recently he's been making jokes about my figure, like when I go to sit down he'll say my butt won't fit in the chair and other things along those lines.

I've also been really fortunate to have had a successful career, but whenever I talk about it he'll make negative comments about the global search engine company I used to work for or say something else which questions my intelligence/aptitude. Recently, I got a new job at a consulting firm which I had worked incredibly hard for and I was super happy about - but he wasn't even happy for me at all and didn't celebrate with me. Instead he just said 'oh, you won't have time for me anymore.'

On other occasions he's corrected my pronunciation and contradicted my opinions and just generally talked down to me like I'm an imbecile, in spite of the fact that I'm an educated woman who went to a similar university to him and we actually have very similar backgrounds. In spite of our similarities, I feel like he thinks he's superior and that I'm not worth being with and 'below' him. It's got to the point that I don't want to tell him about anything good that happens to me because I'm afraid he'll say something snide or rude. I don't know what to do. Help.

You deserve a man who thinks you are brighter and more beautiful than the sun, the moon and the stars. He sounds like someone who likes bringing you down so he can feel good about himself. Like maybe reiterating all these corrections and ''jokes'' about your weight will make you...how do I put this.... will make you want to stay with him to get his approval and basically base your self worth on him. Don't do it. He is not the man for you. Simple
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 6
You need a bit of straight talking here. Tell him you don't like it and it's got to stop if he cares for you.
Original post by Anonymous
tl;dr: My boyfriend keeps putting me down, making fat jokes and making out that I'm stupid.

I'm very much in love with my boyfriend of 9 months. For the most part, he is a great guy. However, he often puts me down and it has started to really hurt me.
It started off quite innocently - for example, I've always been an hourglass shape and part of that is having boobs and a butt. I am a normal weight and make sure I stay in shape, but recently he's been making jokes about my figure, like when I go to sit down he'll say my butt won't fit in the chair and other things along those lines.

I've also been really fortunate to have had a successful career, but whenever I talk about it he'll make negative comments about the global search engine company I used to work for or say something else which questions my intelligence/aptitude. Recently, I got a new job at a consulting firm which I had worked incredibly hard for and I was super happy about - but he wasn't even happy for me at all and didn't celebrate with me. Instead he just said 'oh, you won't have time for me anymore.'

On other occasions he's corrected my pronunciation and contradicted my opinions and just generally talked down to me like I'm an imbecile, in spite of the fact that I'm an educated woman who went to a similar university to him and we actually have very similar backgrounds. In spite of our similarities, I feel like he thinks he's superior and that I'm not worth being with and 'below' him. It's got to the point that I don't want to tell him about anything good that happens to me because I'm afraid he'll say something snide or rude. I don't know what to do. Help.


I definitely agree with the other posters.
It's like he is putting you down to feel good about himself.I would talk to him if he continues then get rid.
Your partner should make you feel good about yourself ,be there for you and motivate you!


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I've had friends like that, exactly like that. It's horrible, really horrible, to have people you just trust and like say crappy things like that.

Have you told him these things hurt you? He might not even realise he's doing it. If it carries on after communicating with him about it, I would advise you to run like the wind. He WILL cripple you if this continues.
Not that I don't think it's a good idea to talk things over but I don't think it's something he 'doesn't realise he's doing', that's just the way he is. Whether subconsciously or not, he's trying to make you feel less of a person because deep down he thinks you're better than him and the only way he can keep you is if he makes you think less of yourself. Basically his behaviour is symptomatic of his own insecurities and he knows he doesn't deserve you. And he'd be right, you can do better.
Dump him, emotionally abusive
Original post by Babs3*
It's a slippery slope, this one you'r riding. He is obviously insecure in his own skin. Maybe he is even jealous of your career success. Men can be funny that way. Emasculated. So he turns his grouchy feelings onto you in a negative way. Either you stick with him and his nasty habits or you believe in yourself and in your own strength and intelligence. The choice in the end is yours. Good luck, what ever you decide to do.

The thread's a touch on the older side to be replying to.

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