what is wrong with me? please help Watch

may_1
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I moved school from year 11 to do year 12 and 13 at another school. the one I was at before I was extremely shy didnt have many friends but one or two close friends- I always felt constrained and hated my awkward personality. then I moved and suddenly I wasn't constrained by this image I used to have and I went mental- i hosted a party and invited 200 people the 'cool' girls took an interest in me and for a bit I was popular- I had acces to the fit boys who only hung out with cool girls and got a crazy drug addict boyfriend going no where in life, I started getting high and hammered all the time because It gave me confidence. I got all a stars at gcse and then because of this mad year i then got CCDD at AS which is truely horrific- there was much drama I created with my boyfriend for no reason and I had cheated on him and usually one of the times I had been completely hammered or high and I was an emotional wreck because of it , I did it for attention and just thrived off attention despite the fact in my sober normal personality im not naturally 'cool' I haven't got that cool girl personality- I just wanted it so badly. regardless of all this it half continued with other people the next year and I started sleeping around and didn't really have any girl friends left at all because of my reputation of doing stupid things with boys when I'm hammered or high and had a tendency to annoy people. now I have no one at all, boys hate me, girls hate me and I feel more alone than ever, I don't even know who I am anymore because I don't have one close friend left- the ones I had at my previous school I left and abandoned for this new mad 'cool' life. now it's the summer im lonely and I am depressed. what shall I do? shall I get a job and try and distract myself? how can I find out who I am ?


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sim12345
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(Original post by may_1)
I moved school from year 11 to do year 12 and 13 at another school. the one I was at before I was extremely shy didnt have many friends but one or two close friends- I always felt constrained and hated my awkward personality. then I moved and suddenly I wasn't constrained by this image I used to have and I went mental- i hosted a party and invited 200 people the 'cool' girls took an interest in me and for a bit I was popular- I had acces to the fit boys who only hung out with cool girls and got a crazy drug addict boyfriend going no where in life, I started getting high and hammered all the time because It gave me confidence. I got all a stars at gcse and then because of this mad year i then got CCDD at AS which is truely horrific- there was much drama I created with my boyfriend for no reason and I had cheated on him and usually one of the times I had been completely hammered or high and I was an emotional wreck because of it , I did it for attention and just thrived off attention despite the fact in my sober normal personality im not naturally 'cool' I haven't got that cool girl personality- I just wanted it so badly. regardless of all this it half continued with other people the next year and I started sleeping around and didn't really have any girl friends left at all because of my reputation of doing stupid things with boys when I'm hammered or high and had a tendency to annoy people. now I have no one at all, boys hate me, girls hate me and I feel more alone than ever, I don't even know who I am anymore because I don't have one close friend left- the ones I had at my previous school I left and abandoned for this new mad 'cool' life. now it's the summer im lonely and I am depressed. what shall I do? shall I get a job and try and distract myself? how can I find out who I am ?


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u did take the wrong step but hey ppl make mistakes its not the end of ur life! say sorry to ur previous friends that u realised the mistakes u made...its worth a try u never know if they do accept u back in the friendship group...n yes stop getting high all the time stay away from all that..not to be rude it doesn't suit u
look for a job, hobby u like?
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Swanbow
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Take a deep breath. Inhale. Release.

You are young. We all make mistakes. I'm not here to judge your actions and recent behaviour. Think about what you want from life. Think about what makes you happy. Trust me, things will be okay but you just need some time to sort it out.
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william walker
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It is obvious that you need to find something which gives you confidence other than drugs.
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may_1
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(Original post by william walker)
It is obvious that you need to find something which gives you confidence other than drugs.
yes but what? I have no self confidence at all i hate myself and my life


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starlight4711
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(Original post by may_1)
yes but what? I have no self confidence at all i hate myself and my life


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Exercise is good, it really helps. Join a club or do it at home. Also, look for some job if you can. This can improve your confidence as well.
What's happened has happened, important thing is you have learnt your lesson.
Start a new life, you have this summer holiday. If it doesn't work then it doesn't matter too much because you will go Uni soon. You will have new friends, no one will judge you/your past and you will have forgotten about your past college/sixth form life as well.
For now take a deep breath, relax, start again and make it your aim that after the holiday you will mainly focus on your grades, your studies. This is the most important thing. At this time it may even be more important than having temporary friends who you wiill not be seeing a year from now.
Good luck!
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william walker
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(Original post by may_1)
yes but what? I have no self confidence at all i hate myself and my life


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I can't answer that. I don't know enough about you, I don't know why you lacked confidence in the first place. I have the ability to empathise and get inside other peoples heads. So if you tell me enough about yourself I can tell you what to do. However I don't have enough information about you right now.
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beeninetytwo
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Get a job. It'll improve everything, including your creativity.
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bookster
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(Original post by may_1)
I moved school from year 11 to do year 12 and 13 at another school. the one I was at before I was extremely shy didnt have many friends but one or two close friends- I always felt constrained and hated my awkward personality. then I moved and suddenly I wasn't constrained by this image I used to have and I went mental- i hosted a party and invited 200 people the 'cool' girls took an interest in me and for a bit I was popular- I had acces to the fit boys who only hung out with cool girls and got a crazy drug addict boyfriend going no where in life, I started getting high and hammered all the time because It gave me confidence. I got all a stars at gcse and then because of this mad year i then got CCDD at AS which is truely horrific- there was much drama I created with my boyfriend for no reason and I had cheated on him and usually one of the times I had been completely hammered or high and I was an emotional wreck because of it , I did it for attention and just thrived off attention despite the fact in my sober normal personality im not naturally 'cool' I haven't got that cool girl personality- I just wanted it so badly. regardless of all this it half continued with other people the next year and I started sleeping around and didn't really have any girl friends left at all because of my reputation of doing stupid things with boys when I'm hammered or high and had a tendency to annoy people. now I have no one at all, boys hate me, girls hate me and I feel more alone than ever, I don't even know who I am anymore because I don't have one close friend left- the ones I had at my previous school I left and abandoned for this new mad 'cool' life. now it's the summer im lonely and I am depressed. what shall I do? shall I get a job and try and distract myself? how can I find out who I am ?


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You're human, and humans make mistakes but because we are human we have the intelligence and strength to move on and try to fix our mistakes. And from this you realise that that shy girl never left, she is still within you, all you have to do it make her grow and she will be confident on her own. And just go out to the park of something you can meet loads of new people or join a club or a gym.
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