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Getting over resentment
I consider myself a very patient and tolerant person, I carry on making the effort and ignoring jibes at me for a long time before it finally gets to me.
But when it does get to me, it gets to me proper!!! At the moment I'm feeling overall resentment for the way I get treated, my life is spent trying to impress people and make them like me and be my friend (as I'm looking for a friend-group which I don't have only loads of different random ones)
I know I have a nice personality and I'm friendly, sociable and likable - and not having a secure group makes me feel very under-appreciated even though I know I have qualities (not being big-headed!) that people like.
I'm just fed-up of people treating me like rubbish because I'm not a secure member of their group, it's like they are playing games with me, seeing how high I will jump to make an effort with little in return.
I've come to realise this recently. Before I was like, "they'll like me eventually" and ages later I'm still waiting....
They think they are better than me because they have a secure group of friends when in reality their personalities are no more impressive than the average joe!
Anyway, my problem is that I'm feeling a lot of resentment towards a lot of people which I know I can't as I am desparate for friends (to put it bluntly) how do I get over this before people start to feel pushed away.
I'm sure others have this problem, when they see 'injustice' but can't get over it until the perpetrator/s realise and are sorry for what they have done.
I don't really know anymore... any opinions will be great!
But when it does get to me, it gets to me proper!!! At the moment I'm feeling overall resentment for the way I get treated, my life is spent trying to impress people and make them like me and be my friend (as I'm looking for a friend-group which I don't have only loads of different random ones)
I know I have a nice personality and I'm friendly, sociable and likable - and not having a secure group makes me feel very under-appreciated even though I know I have qualities (not being big-headed!) that people like.
I'm just fed-up of people treating me like rubbish because I'm not a secure member of their group, it's like they are playing games with me, seeing how high I will jump to make an effort with little in return.
I've come to realise this recently. Before I was like, "they'll like me eventually" and ages later I'm still waiting....
They think they are better than me because they have a secure group of friends when in reality their personalities are no more impressive than the average joe!
Anyway, my problem is that I'm feeling a lot of resentment towards a lot of people which I know I can't as I am desparate for friends (to put it bluntly) how do I get over this before people start to feel pushed away.
I'm sure others have this problem, when they see 'injustice' but can't get over it until the perpetrator/s realise and are sorry for what they have done.
I don't really know anymore... any opinions will be great!
Reply 1
If they treat you like that, they're not real friends. So you don't have to get over resentment, because that would mean you feel you deserve to be treated like rubbish. And you don't!
Reply 2
I think I understand your problem.and here I said think
A certain amount of itis due to frustration that after all your efforts you have got no rewards even though you feel your entitled to. However to be in a friendship group requires effort from both sides it obviously is not working for you and u should probably try and move on.
Firstly I kno this is easy to say but you need to relax. By building up this resentment against your friends because they have not accepted you in their group only shows them how muchthis issue is effecting you.
Take a step back stop thinking why this hasn't worked for u , act naturally around them if it is meant to happen it will if not don't dwell on it.
I dont see why it is an injustice and why they should apologise.
A certain amount of itis due to frustration that after all your efforts you have got no rewards even though you feel your entitled to. However to be in a friendship group requires effort from both sides it obviously is not working for you and u should probably try and move on.
Firstly I kno this is easy to say but you need to relax. By building up this resentment against your friends because they have not accepted you in their group only shows them how muchthis issue is effecting you.
Take a step back stop thinking why this hasn't worked for u , act naturally around them if it is meant to happen it will if not don't dwell on it.
I dont see why it is an injustice and why they should apologise.
Reply 3
you shouldnt have to 'try' to make friends and desperation is not good, if someone was desperately trying to be your friend it would push you away from them too.
i suggest you get some independence and do your own thing, join some groups where you can share your interests with others but dont try to jump into friendships just take it easy and go with the flow. you will then feel more relaxed in yourself, you wont constantly be assessing how 'well' you are doing in making friends and life will be a lot easier and more relaxed, soon enough you will find you are just seeing people all the time and it will be natural, not forced, which is what everyone wants from friendships!
i suggest you get some independence and do your own thing, join some groups where you can share your interests with others but dont try to jump into friendships just take it easy and go with the flow. you will then feel more relaxed in yourself, you wont constantly be assessing how 'well' you are doing in making friends and life will be a lot easier and more relaxed, soon enough you will find you are just seeing people all the time and it will be natural, not forced, which is what everyone wants from friendships!
Anonymous
I consider myself a very patient and tolerant person, I carry on making the effort and ignoring jibes at me for a long time before it finally gets to me.
But when it does get to me, it gets to me proper!!! At the moment I'm feeling overall resentment for the way I get treated, my life is spent trying to impress people and make them like me and be my friend (as I'm looking for a friend-group which I don't have only loads of different random ones)
I know I have a nice personality and I'm friendly, sociable and likable - and not having a secure group makes me feel very under-appreciated even though I know I have qualities (not being big-headed!) that people like.
I'm just fed-up of people treating me like rubbish because I'm not a secure member of their group, it's like they are playing games with me, seeing how high I will jump to make an effort with little in return.
I've come to realise this recently. Before I was like, "they'll like me eventually" and ages later I'm still waiting....
They think they are better than me because they have a secure group of friends when in reality their personalities are no more impressive than the average joe!
Anyway, my problem is that I'm feeling a lot of resentment towards a lot of people which I know I can't as I am desparate for friends (to put it bluntly) how do I get over this before people start to feel pushed away.
I'm sure others have this problem, when they see 'injustice' but can't get over it until the perpetrator/s realise and are sorry for what they have done.
I don't really know anymore... any opinions will be great!
But when it does get to me, it gets to me proper!!! At the moment I'm feeling overall resentment for the way I get treated, my life is spent trying to impress people and make them like me and be my friend (as I'm looking for a friend-group which I don't have only loads of different random ones)
I know I have a nice personality and I'm friendly, sociable and likable - and not having a secure group makes me feel very under-appreciated even though I know I have qualities (not being big-headed!) that people like.
I'm just fed-up of people treating me like rubbish because I'm not a secure member of their group, it's like they are playing games with me, seeing how high I will jump to make an effort with little in return.
I've come to realise this recently. Before I was like, "they'll like me eventually" and ages later I'm still waiting....
They think they are better than me because they have a secure group of friends when in reality their personalities are no more impressive than the average joe!
Anyway, my problem is that I'm feeling a lot of resentment towards a lot of people which I know I can't as I am desparate for friends (to put it bluntly) how do I get over this before people start to feel pushed away.
I'm sure others have this problem, when they see 'injustice' but can't get over it until the perpetrator/s realise and are sorry for what they have done.
I don't really know anymore... any opinions will be great!
I feel exactly the same way as you at the moment. I sympathise with you, but can't really give you much advice as I'm in the same boat!!
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