Why are some people so needy?

I have a friend who is incredibly needy.

Everytime she wants to do something she can't possibly do it alone and will practically bully you into going along.

She wanted to go to audition for Big Brother and her friend dropped out so she begged me to skip lectures and seminars just to go along with her.Why can't she just go alone if she wants to do something that badly?

Why should I be made to feel bad because I won't go out of MY way to do something I don't even want to do to begin with?

Anyway,she often phones me when I'm in the middle of things and I tell her that I'm busy and that she's to call me back but she begs me to talk to her and it's often about trivial things. Or she wants help organising a trip;why can't she organise the trip herself?It's not that difficult.She treats me as the fountain of all knowledge.

She was planning a trip to Thailand and was phoning me up every 2 minutes asking about airlines and hotels and things-I've never even been to Thailand!

Then today she phoned me when I was sleeping,then sent me texts asking why I didn't pick up.Then she sent one saying 'I'm ill' so I sent one back saying 'Yes,well,I'm sleeping,**** off...'....I felt like an absolute bitch after and haven't heard from her since.

Was I unecessarily nasty?
Why would she be so needy?She's the same with guys from what I know.Why do people feel the need to cling to everyone around them?

She's a really good friend but I just don't have the energy to pander to someone's every needs.

I've tried to encourage her to be more independent but it just doesn't seem to work.

Reply 1

theonehitwonder

2

I am the opposite; I worry that I'm too needy, so sometimes don't bother to 'impose' on friends.

You should have a hearty discussion regarding the situation.

Reply 2

ntf

eloquent...

erm...tbh, i think planning something like a trip to Thailand is a big deal, even if you haven't been, reassurance that hotels are of a fair standard in the brochure etc. are is always useful. This said, the big brother thing is ridiculous. Why would you want to be on big brother?!

Reply 3

bunthulhu

14

nik87

eloquent...

erm...tbh, i think planning something like a trip to Thailand is a big deal, even if you haven't been, reassurance that hotels are of a fair standard in the brochure etc. are is always useful. This said, the big brother thing is ridiculous. Why would you want to be on big brother?!

Yeah but how on earth would the OP know about that.

OP, I don't think you're in the wrong, you said exactly what I'd have wanted to say but might not have had the guts! I'm not sure whether or not you should apologise, I know you feel you were harsh but if she won't bloody leave you alone someone needs to knock some sense into her head. It sounds like you did that and hopefully it worked and she'll realise how annoying she's been, and apologise to you first. Or, I guess you could try and be the 'bigger person' and apologise first, giving her the chance to be all 'no, I'm sorry...'

Reply 4

jay1234

1

well done, some people need to be told to **** off or they'll never learn

Reply 5

Angelil

19

OP, I don't think you're in the wrong at all. People need to learn to think for themselves and do things independently - nobody should expect to rely on someone that much, especially when it doesn't work both ways. Don't feel bad.

Reply 6

Love Sheep

1

Yeah, I know a few people like that.
On the other hand, I can feel like that sometimes, but like someone before me said, I worry about it and avoid clinging in case it becomes annoying.
Sounds like you need to back off for a while, then apologise.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Then today she phoned me when I was sleeping,then sent me texts asking why I didn't pick up.Then she sent one saying 'I'm ill' so I sent one back saying 'Yes,well,I'm sleeping,**** off...'....I felt like an absolute bitch after and haven't heard from her since.

Good on you I say! I was friends with someone who would ring me up about 20 times a day every day just to talk about pointless *******s and it got so annoying that I just quit answering the phone. There's only so much energy you can put into one person and personally I don't think it's healthy having someone watching your every move and wanting to share everything all the time.

Reply 8

Yoda

12

You can either sit there listening to her crap all day, or you can sort it out and tell her to **** off. Explain the situation in real words if you like, being a female and all, but honestly its time for a good slap. People like that just have low self esteem, and don't believe they can do it on their own. After slapping her down, she'll have an increased self esteem and won't need constant reassurance that shes doing it right.

Why are some people so needy?

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