does this put guys off ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
It's largely why my ex left me for someone else I think. I dunno if it's just the experience with him that's left me paranoid though, but i'm starting to not bother with guys I deem too intellectual for me.
I have a degree from a redbrick uni, I'm fluent in another language, I've spent a couple of years working abroad, and i'm starting a Masters in September.

These things should give me confidence, but my ex told me that I am just not very interesting, have no 'passions' and i'm 'not cultured'. He said the other girl 'challenged him' and they could have 'philosophical discussions.

I read the news daily. I'm fully aware of the current situations with Greece, Isis etc. And I've a reasonable knowledge of UK political parties.

I like going to museums and exhibitions, and I have a few favourite artists. I also make some art from time to time.

However, I read a lot of 'heat magazine', watch towie, go on dailymail showbiz section etc. And I know some people find this stuff off putting. I'm also very into hair and beauty etc.
I do have opinions on many things and i'm very happy to take part in discussions. I highly enjoy watching films and i occasionally write revizws.

However, my ex frequently told me that I was boring and that we couldn't have interesting conversations etc. It hurt because I always listened to what he had to say, but when I tried to offer him a film review or something he just laughed and said oh god.
I'm happy to be a listener and i'm not looking to turn each conversation into a huge debate.
My Mum reckons he was jealous because he hasn't got a degree, Masters etc. But i'm not so sure.

Do i sound off-putting? I really don't just talk about hair and stuff lol. I try to talk about many things, but I've lost confidence
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Teaddict
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I understand where he is coming from in wanting a girlfriend who can challenge him intellectually... however, judging by the information contained within this thread, he did not seem to respect your intellectual qualities nor respect that you may not have been as talkative as he. Honestly the information here is not enough to really go off on, but on a personal level, intelligence and confidence in putting that intelligence forward, are two very attractive qualities in any woman.
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bittr n swt
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Lol he's too prestige it seems, you'll be fine with 99% of guys
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Smug Life
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#4
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You sound a lot more interesting than most girls. Just ignore him, most guys aren't like that anyway.
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Liquid Harvest
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#5
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Not seeing a problem here with what you've written about yourself at all. The problem clearly lies with him, not you. Never let anyone put you down like that or make you start questioning yourself and doubting your qualities and capabilities, that's a dangerous trajectory. Don't let a bad experience from your past shape your attitude or way of thinking or your perception of your own self. Take pride in your ability and maintain your confidence. Ignore what he told you, you can't expect everyone to appreciate you.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks a lot for your replies. I just don't know why he stayed with me for 3 years (or got with me at all) if I am so 'boring' for him.
He's French, so maybe cultural differences play a part.
When we first started dating he commented on how 'smart and cool' I was, and how 'interesting our conversations were', funnily.

I'm trying to get over him and not imagine him with her anyway
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bittr n swt
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks a lot for your replies. I just don't know why he stayed with me for 3 years (or got with me at all) if I am so 'boring' for him.
He's French, so maybe cultural differences play a part.
When we first started dating he commented on how 'smart and cool' I was, and how 'interesting our conversations were', funnily.

I'm trying to get over him and not imagine him with her anyway
The sex was probably good
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Anonymous #1
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Yeah he did say that lol (he didn't cite that as a reason for staying, I mean he just commented on it)
Anyway your responses mean a lot to me, thanks
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Jibola240
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That guy sounds very judgmental. I don't think anything you've described about yourself would be off putting to most guys.
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Josb
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks a lot for your replies. I just don't know why he stayed with me for 3 years (or got with me at all) if I am so 'boring' for him.
He's French, so maybe cultural differences play a part.
When we first started dating he commented on how 'smart and cool' I was, and how 'interesting our conversations were', funnily.

I'm trying to get over him and not imagine him with her anyway
Not all the French guys are like that. :ninja:
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Kevin De Bruyne
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(Original post by Anonymous)
x
Honestly, it sounds like his loss.

You've experienced a lot of the world and there's more to come with your Masters etc. The things that you talk about doing often are interesting, even the bits after 'However'. Being a good listener is, well, good. As long as you say something when you have something to say, and show good empathy.. there's no problem with that.

Maybe it was him who had little or no interests, or you just didn't have enough in common, This was something I felt in my previous relationship. We didn't really have any deep conversations, and I didn't feel the need to be intellectually challenged. She was intelligent, more so than me in almost all ways, had a lot of interests and there were plenty of things to talk about most of the time. Being able to have deep conversations isn't a box I'm looking to be ticked in a potential partner, even after reading this.

It just sounds like he had expectations of you based on a different person, which is completely unfair.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks, i'm relieved to hear that i suppose in a way I was always trying to 'interest' him to compensate, trying my best to be funny etc.
It wasn't a healthy relationship I guess. I suppose he stayed as he felt bad, didn't have the courage at first to pursue someone else etc.
Anyway, it's all done and dusted now
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Anonymous #1
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Yeah i'm sorry I didn't really know what I meant saying that about French guys lol.
It's a shame yes as we did actually have a lot in common. He was just always so frustrated at how I didn't have a 'huge passion' for something, even though I like a variety of things.

He also told me I 'didn't like films', which I just didn't comprehend as I watch them a lot.

I'm sure I wasn't a perfect girlfriend by far. I was honest, loyal etc. But I wasn't secure with him which led to me getting upset about stuff, and this probably annoyed him.

He said I loved him more than him me etc. And I'm sure that we were not right together even though I had really believed we were.

Anyway, I suppose he's happier now which is good.
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Blear
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You don't sound boring at all. It seems to me that you just weren't a good match for each other interests-wise, and that's okay, its just part of dating to find someone who shares your interests and can hold a conversation with you.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks, it may be that yes. It just seems as we liked so many of the same films, music, series, food etc. And I didn't think it was essential to have everything in common.

I asked him What hobbies this other girl has and he actually couldn't name one. He also told me she knows 'nothing about music' or something along those lines
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Zantetsuken
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For what it's worth, you don't sound boring. In fact you sound like a lot of fun.

At the end of the day, some people are just *******s.
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hopeforthebest1
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If you truly read the newspaper everyday and can hold an intellectual conversation (which you can) then I think he is using something you're sensitive about to 'get to you' and make it seem like YOU were the reason he broke up when in fact HE was a cad and was cheating on you!! He sounds like a jerk. There was nothing you could have done differently. He's making excuses for HIS bad behavior!
Plenty of guys will be happy to date you and will appreciate your intellect.
What in the world did he want to discuss that you couldn't? Don't worry about not having a 'passion' - that probably means you're open minded to hearing both sides of an issue.
I know it hurts now but you, in the long run, are going to be much happier without him and his arrogance.
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