I'm gay, how do I tell a girl I'm not interested?

I met this girl a few months ago and we have met up a few times since then, and it is really obvious she's into me. It was always super-awkward for me as I'm gay and not into her, but I didn't really want to hurt her feelings so didn't say anything, and when her friends asked me if I was gay back in March I stupidly said no (to avoid upsetting her).

We agreed to meet up yesterday, but I purposefully made sure that we brought some other friends along as well, so that it wasn't just us...Anyway, a few days before we met up she asked me if I was gay (after seeing my Snapchat story) and I told her that I was. She was then acting all apologetic, saying she was sorry for asking and that she hoped I wasn't upset etc etc. I replied by saying I didn't mind and that it was ok. Tbh I was quite relieved because I thought it meant she would get the message that I wasn't interested, but clearly not.

When we met up yesterday with her friends, she was being really clingy, kept saying 'I love you' (in a jokey way that you can tell is actually kind of serious) and kept hugging me and holding my hand (despite knowing I was gay). When she left us for a few minutes, one of her friends said to me 'so are you gay or bi?', and I said 'well I'm probably bi because I don't really think you can ever label yourself as 100% anything'. He must've told her this later on, as today I've been getting texts from her saying 'you're bi, omg, I'm confused' etc. It's really annoying because she's probably interpreted this as 'He might still be interested in me', despite the fact that I told her friend yesterday that I didn't like her in that way.

Seriously what should I do? This has been going on for months, and even though she only found out I was gay a few days ago she seems to have gotten worse...

TL;DR, I'm a gay guy being continuously hit on by a girl, despite her knowing that I'm gay, and I don't know how to deal with this.

Reply 1

Wahrheit

18

I think telling a girl you're gay is quite honestly the best way of saying no without hurting their feelings. It might make her feel a little silly for pursuing a gay guy but it's a rejection which is in no way her fault because there's nothing different she possibly could have done, and as well it won't make her think she's unattractive or anything. Just drop hints like saying how hot you find [some male celebrity]

Reply 2

Ciel.

21

Original post by Anonymous

I met this girl a few months ago and we have met up a few times since then, and it is really obvious she's into me. It was always super-awkward for me as I'm gay and not into her, but I didn't really want to hurt her feelings so didn't say anything, and when her friends asked me if I was gay back in March I stupidly said no (to avoid upsetting her).

We agreed to meet up yesterday, but I purposefully made sure that we brought some other friends along as well, so that it wasn't just us...Anyway, a few days before we met up she asked me if I was gay (after seeing my Snapchat story) and I told her that I was. She was then acting all apologetic, saying she was sorry for asking and that she hoped I wasn't upset etc etc. I replied by saying I didn't mind and that it was ok. Tbh I was quite relieved because I thought it meant she would get the message that I wasn't interested, but clearly not.

When we met up yesterday with her friends, she was being really clingy, kept saying 'I love you' (in a jokey way that you can tell is actually kind of serious) and kept hugging me and holding my hand (despite knowing I was gay). When she left us for a few minutes, one of her friends said to me 'so are you gay or bi?', and I said 'well I'm probably bi because I don't really think you can ever label yourself as 100% anything'. He must've told her this later on, as today I've been getting texts from her saying 'you're bi, omg, I'm confused' etc. It's really annoying because she's probably interpreted this as 'He might still be interested in me', despite the fact that I told her friend yesterday that I didn't like her in that way.

Seriously what should I do? This has been going on for months, and even though she only found out I was gay a few days ago she seems to have gotten worse...

TL;DR, I'm a gay guy being continuously hit on by a girl, despite her knowing that I'm gay, and I don't know how to deal with this.

Well it kinda is your fault because you kept telling them a different story, "not gay, gay, bi"... Ok, here is what you should do in my opinion - just tell her you that you have started dating someone. A guy. If she keeps pestering you - tell her to stop, you don't have to give her a reason, just say that she's not your type. Don't go into the sexuality issue any further, they probably already think that you are a liar. If you get asked again, just say not sure, maybe bi but leaning towards gay, unless you want them to brand you a liar.

Reply 3

username457532

17

How about 'I'm not interested in you'?

Reply 4

Smilin’ Knight

12

talk it out with her. a propper good long as you like talk. probably with tea, lots of people like having tea at the same time

Original post by SmallTownGirl

How about 'I'm not interested in you'?

maybe a little gentler than that :tongue:

she's obviously quite attached and it would hurt her being blunt.

but yeah thats the main message i guess

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 5

$100Bill

1

Original post by SmallTownGirl

How about 'I'm not interested in you'?

Nah, that clearly won't work.

Reply 6

driftawaay

3

omg just tell her you are a 100% gay and unless she has a sex change, she has no chance, simpe as.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ciel.

Well it kinda is your fault because you kept telling them a different story, "not gay, gay, bi"... Ok, here is what you should do in my opinion - just tell her you that you have started dating someone. A guy. If she keeps pestering you - tell her to stop, you don't have to give her a reason, just say that she's not your type. Don't go into the sexuality issue any further, they probably already think that you are a liar. If you get asked again, just say not sure, maybe bi but leaning towards gay, unless you want them to brand you a liar.

Yeah but I wasn't purposefully doing that. I've said that even though I'm bi, I'm leaning towards gay, but idk I don't want to just straight out tell her 'I don't like you', and she knows I'm not going out with anyone after asking me 'is that your girlfriend?' from a picture she saw a few days ago.

Reply 8

username1481111

3

What you need to do is take her to a corner and explain to her what you have just said on this thread, that should do the trick. What you do need to stress is that you are not interested in her

Reply 9

bassbabe

14

Say to her "Look love I'm gay, I'm not interested sorry" and offer to take her out shopping to make up for it.

Reply 10

Ciel.

21

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah but I wasn't purposefully doing that. I've said that even though I'm bi, I'm leaning towards gay, but idk I don't want to just straight out tell her 'I don't like you', and she knows I'm not going out with anyone after asking me 'is that your girlfriend?' from a picture she saw a few days ago.

Well, I wasn't literally blaming you, I know these things are difficult sometimes. In that case, you should just act more 'gay' around here maybe? Keep emphasizing that she is a great friend, chat with her about men you find attractive and so on, she should get a clue. Some girls can be a bit touchy feely with gays even when they don't want it to 'mean anything' more than friendship, a lot of girls are just generally more physically affectionate than men, seriously, I had girls (my friends) stripping topless in front of me and asking me to rate their boobs, that's how comfortable they were around me because they knew I'm not straight, won't even mention sitting on my lap and so on. If she keeps hitting on you then just tell her politely that you are totally gay.. otherwise you will really hurt her feelings and she will accuse you of leading her on.